Euro pick n mix

The results of the European elections were like a bag of pick n mix sweeties someone else had got for you, a few of your juicy favourites and far too many soor plums and bitter almonds. The full results are not yet in as I write – at 2.40 am. See how I suffer for the cause? Ok, it’s really because the other half has a wee chest infection and isn’t sleeping well. Which naturally means I don’t get to sleep either. He’ll survive, so nae worries, although whether Nick Clegg can survive is another matter.

So let’s start with the almond. The bad news is that it looks like Scotland’s got a new party balloon. UKIP’s David Coburn is Scotland’s very first bitter nut to be elected representative for the Bawbag Party. 139,687 voters were sufficiently convinced by a party with no Scottish policies at all that they put their cross next to UKIP.

UKIP has no devolution policy, after Nigel scrapped their mad plan to replace Holyrood with a glorified committee of Westminster MPs. Dreaming up a new one is on his list of things to do, although it’s a safe bet it doesn’t rank high on his list of priorities. In fact UKIP aren’t just missing Scottish policies, they have no policies at all, except wanting out of the EU and hating immigration. Or three if you count their imaginative proposal for a new BBC weather service – There’s been an outbreak of sodomy in Shropshire, which will be followed by heavy showers. But they haven’t answered the important question, which is whether they’ll replace the weather map.

We can now expect crows from Unionist parties about how Scottish people are just as mean and narrow minded as everyone else in the UK, so we ought to vote No. “We’re unpleasant and so are you” is the new positive case for the Union.

But here’s a prediction. David Coburn has a distinctively UKIP brand of choobery and will serially embarrass himself over the course of the coming months and years. He’s already started, describing Scotland as Alicsammin’s “nasty little dictatorship”.

So that’s the bad news, and it’s survivable. And somewhat tempered by the fact that UKIP only barely scraped home into the sixth seat with 10.5% of the votes. The party’s best share of the vote in Scotland was in Moray, where they managed to gain 13.6% of votes cast. In England, their worst vote share was in London, where they got 16.87% of the votes cast. Their best Scottish result still lags far behind their worst English result.

It was hardly the ringing endorsement they got south of the border where they are the largest party by a considerable margin. In Scotland they came a poor fourth, quite some distance being the Tories. And we all know how popular Tories are. UKIP in Scotland are still short of a whole panda. It’s a bitter almond, but it has a thin sugar coating.

Falling into the not so bad category, like a green jelly baby, is the fact that the pro-independence parties didn’t make any gains. But on the other hand they didn’t make any losses either, and their share of the vote was pretty much the same as it was the last time the country was struck with the widespread apathy which passes for a European election campaign.

The SNP came top of the pile, escaping the punishment usually received by a party which has been in government for seven years, and its third candidate missed beating UKIP to the sixth seat by the tiniest of margins. Not a great performance, but not a bad one either.  And really not terrible at all when you consider that Al-Iqsammin has been public enemy number 1 in the entire UK media for the past year.

Labour got one of those chocolate covered raspberries with a gooey centre that’s too sickly. The chocolate coating and the red colourant are entirely artificial and make small children and Labour MPs and MSPs hyperactive, but not in a productive way. The party gained in its share of the vote, but not by anything like as much as it needed to be certain that its support is recovering enough to win the next General Election. Mutterings within the party about Ed Miliband’s leadership will only increase. Don’t expect them to come to anything though. Labour’s instinctive response to all and any crises is let’s just ignore it and hope it goes away. Eventually Ed will go away too. What won’t go away is Labour’s continuing rightwards drift.

The Tories did bleh, in a marshmallow that’s been sitting at the bottom of the bag for four days sort of way. They lost just 3% of their vote share compared to last time, mostly to UKIP. The Tories will now move even further to the right in order to ensure that UKIP voter return to the Tory fold come the General Election. And will start making louder noises about borders, immigration and EU referendums in order to attract non-Tory UKIP supporters. UK politics just got nastier.

But then there was the candied lemon of the BNP. They lost their two seats, which was nice to see. But the seats went to UKIP, the less fruity and full bodied flavoured fascism, which isn’t quite so nice, but at least doesn’t give you food poisoning.

And finally, a delicacy and a special treat to be savoured, a macadamia nut covered in dark bitter chocolate – the Greens pushed the Lib Dems into a humiliating fifth place across the UK as a whole, and into an even more humiliating sixth place in Scotland. The party looks set to have just one surviving MEP.

While being interviewed by the BBC’s Dimbleperson, Danny Alexander – who’d offered to do the interview rounds since he’s the only Lib Dem with less shame than Nick Clegg – said that the party needed Nick Clegg to keep doing the same thing only with more shouting and star jumps, only to be soundly bitchslapped by an irate Lib Dem who’d just seen his party wiped out tell him that Nick Clegg is the problem. But Nick Clegg isn’t the problem. He’s just a symptom of a party that no longer has the slightest idea what it exists for. The way it’s headed, it won’t be existing for much longer.

So what does all this tell us about the independence vote? Bugger all really. Except that when there’s a turn out of just 33% all you can say for certain is that most people really aren’t that fussed by the EU one way or the other.

Meanwhile in Spain, the elections saw the collapse of both the main Spanish parties, the Partido Popular (spit spit), and the PSOE. The PP’s vote share fell from 42% to just 26%, losing the party eight seats. So that’s eight fewer MEPs plotting against independence. The PSOE also saw their vote collapse, from 38.8% to 23% losing nine MEPs. The big winners were parties of the left, the newly formed Podemos (We Can), representing los indignados who protested against austerity cuts came from nowhere and took 5 seats.

The extreme right did poorly. So Scottish Tory Struan Stevenson’s wee trip to Barcelona to help out his pal Alejo Vidal Quadras was to no avail. Vidal Quadras was key in building the Partido Popular’s anti-independence alliance in the European Parliament. The arch-conservative left the Partido Popular in a huff because they weren’t sending tanks to arrest the leader of the Catalan government, and went off and founded his own Spanish version of UKIP with added rosary beads, called Vox. But they were well and truly voxed, and failed to gain a single seat. Adios Alejo.

0 thoughts on “Euro pick n mix

  1. Strangely enough I watched V for Vendetta last night.

    The politics, the media control, the societal attitude toward difference. Strangely doesn’t seem so far fetched any more. How to control and influence an entire population through fear and media manipulation.

    You get the representation and governance you vote for or that you don’t turn up to vote against. I hope some of the media fuckers who have been compliant in creating the cult of Farrage and UKIP shit hedgehogs for life.

  2. I caught a little of the BBBC result coverage where Toenails got quite enthusiastic about the possibility ( at that time) of UKIP getting a seat in Scotland ,he was fair chuffed that that would be a poke in the eye for Alex Salmond and the SNP – at this point I changed channels ,then switched off.

    Don’t know why I have a telly ,it is so often endangered by a boot.

    Thank you once again for your humour and its arrival in my in box .

        • There’s upsides to everything weegie. The SG increased their vote share and won the EU elections outright in Scotland. A government halfway through its second term mind you. That’s an almost unheard of feat in politics. A government that still puts the Scottish electorate first and clearly most people know it. Perhaps going for that extra seat was a step too far, perhaps not. What isn’t in dispute is the result. They are still the most popular mandated administration on these islands and our best hope of breaking away from a steady rightward drift of politics in the UK.

          Smile, tomorrow is a new day. 🙂

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      • Well Macart we need more hedgehogs before we can use that sort of torture on anyone. I actually got up in a good mood and had the misfortune to see the BBC news and got into a terrible one. Thank goodness for Paul and putting things into perspective.

        • This is a wake up call for people Helena if ever there was one. Do folks really wish to have their politics based on isolationism and difference, to follow Westminster’s kneejerk feudalism? The media have created this UKIP cult and its the rest of us who have been left to clean up the mess. When I see media representatives and politicians tweeting their approval of this result on social media, then there is something more than rotten in how we are being informed and politically represented.

          In fact forget hedgehogs. Pineapples, that’s the ticket. 😉

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  5. So, BBC’s blanket advertising for UKIP has had its desired effect in Scotland. I must admit that I toyed with the idea of voting tactically for UKIP for the purpose of scaring the shite out of Scottish voters in advance of the referendum, but it seems that other people have done that for me, so perhaps it will be a god thing in the end.
    We have reached a stage where, regardless of the result in September, the BBC can no longer be allowed to remain in charge of news and current affairs in Scotland. In the event of a NO vote, there must at the very least be a concerted campaign to bring that part of the organisation completely within Scottish control, and I don’t mean just a Scottish six o’clock news.
    People all across Scotland are already furious with the way that the BBC has handled the independence issue, and that is before a vote has been taken.

    • Sorry to say this Jim, but that will never happen. The B.B.C, as said by both current, and previous D.Gs don’t have to be impartial. Our only hope is that the newly created S.B.S, following a Yes vote, will be a better broadcaster, but even that wish could be compromised by the fact that the S.G have said they will respect the existing employees contracts. So no chance of a clear-out of the stables them, at least not in the near future.

      • I’m not sure what this means. The BBC is required by law to publish its editorial guidelines for both elections and referendums. Which they did. Are you saying that the BBC’s editorial guidelines for last week’s elections were inappropriate and, if so, how? Or are you saying that the BBC did not observe its own guidelines and, if so, in what specific respects?

  6. No mention of the Scottish Greens then, who were also very much in the running for the 6th seat (and actually needed a smaller vote swing than the SNP at the start of play to stop it from going to UKIP) 🙁

    • Sorry. There was originally a paragraph about the Scottish Greens. It was only after I published the article I realised it had gone missing – I dunno what I did. But by that time it was even weer and smaaer hours than when I had started and I was too knackered to rewrite it.

      But you got a red wine gum.

  7. UKIP winning a seat Scotland is all that matters to media & better together(farage,we are party of UK,we made inroads into Scotland)

  8. Really disappointed with 130,000+ people this morning, lashing out at the so-called mainstream parties. It shows there is a major hole in the Unionist parties policies and out-pourings if they can’t get their ‘true’ supporters to vote for them. The people who voted for the new fascist/racist party probably don’t have any understanding of their actions and will need to be trounced in the Indy referendum….let’s learn that apathy towards things that really matter will only allow it to continue, so let’s gets arse’s OFF seats in September.

  9. Im wondering what was going on in Moray. Last time I was there it didn’t seem like a hotbed of foreigners “coming over here and taking our jobs”.

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  11. “He’s already started, describing Scotland as Alicsammin’s “nasty little dictatorship”.

    Surely pandering to Labour voters. After all, he’s only echoing Anus Sarwar’s words, commonly repeated by Labour activists.

  12. Hmmm. Thing is, apart from a last-minute leaflet I can’t say I was aware of an SNP EU campaign. And I didn’t think Tasmina or Ian Hudgton came over at all well on TV programmes. She was like a smiling doll. If you pull a string she spouts a sentence. So no strong arguments for being in the EU.

    I wonder if the 10% UKIP vote is made up of the same people who either don’t want a Scottish Parliament, or who want it to lose powers?

    The UKIP guy apparently blustered and floundered on TV this morning. Although the enormity of the mistake in voting for him might hit home with some, others might just think it will achieve the purpose of turning even more against the EU. And if there is a No vote it will be another four years before this mistake can be rectified.

  13. Rumour has it that this dobber has been reported to the Electoral Standards Commission for allegedly lying about his residence when he put his application it. I sooo hope this is true. I too was horrified when I heard this result and I’m still burning with rage but I’m thinking there could be an opportunity that should galvanise us into a proper war-footing. We need to put ever more strenuous efforts into securing the Yes vote. I do now tangibly fear for our futures if we fail. We need to convert that anger and fear into positive energy and take the fight right to the enemy. They are making war on our country and it’s time to go on the counter offensive, metaphorically speaking.

    • I sent the picture of Chris Moncton (he of the marty feldman look) with the quote about Scots whinging like a set of bagpipes waiting for their next English subsidy,
      ALL of them looked at it in spite of quite a lot of animosity from one of them who’s true Labour,
      pointing out this is what we face after a no vote,
      the penny’s starting its downward direction of travel.

      • It would have made more sense if I had said WHO I had sent the picture to wouldn’t it?
        my workmate,s who are half way round the bend listening to me, but to be fair to them most (apart from the Labour one) listen pretending to humour me but you can see the sense of realisation starting to appear in their eyes.

  14. The Eu results are hardly an issue with Scots. The WGD puts things into perspective in his own special way and as usual i sit here with a smile on my face.
    Everyone i spoke to thought the referendum was THE issue, not the EU and with so many folk still undecided i think its fair to accept that way of thinking. 2/3rds of Scots didn’t vote. Blame it on voter apathy if you want but we can expect over 80% going to the polls in Sept.
    It’s a side issue , nothing more and can help the YES vote purely by the huge numbers who voted down south for UKIP. The tory’s will be laughing their socks off and can now possibly see a Tory/UKIP coalition as a very good bet.
    Personally couldn’t care myself as i concentrate fully on the REF. but i can see the result being a wee wake up call for the undecided.
    Keep faith folks , this might be the wee bit that opens up the discussion of what happens if a NO vote succeeds.
    For months now its all been about what we can/cannot do. Scares , smears and little or no info on what a No vote brings with it. This will change peoples attitude and question what they will get for a NO vote. And thats what we have ALL been waiting for. Their Issues will be up to scrutiny and its so full of holes is bound to rebound back on them.

    Its raining again outside but in here its warm and cosy and YES i’m still smiling.

  15. I don’t care so much about UKIP though I’m ashamed that we have so many prepared to vote for them. I am bothered about the rise in the Labour vote. How could anyone still want to vote for them never mind putting their vote up? If they could get more people out to vote for them even though in a Euro election, why couldn’t SNP? That is what the gloating MSM will obviously point to.

    Thanks for the humour though, especially since you have more reason than most to be feeling tired and discouraged. I think you must be a glass-half-full person and I’m a glass-half-empty-or- even-dregs-wi’-fag-ash-in-it kind of person. Mair power tae ye, Wee Dug.

  16. How awful that a racist party gained a seat in Scotland. Shows the effect of the BBC in showcasing UKIP effectively supporting them. Perhaps the BBC is a member of UKIP as well as the CBI? So, in September, the SNP and Greens will have coalition of Labour, Tory, Lib Dems and UKIP ranged against them. Labour voters should be ashamed of themselves if they don’t cross over to YES now.

  17. Have just been listening to a radio programme where psychologists reckon people are risk averse and more inclined to vote No because they don’t want to risk losing something they know ie being part of the Union, than Yes to gain something which they perceive as uncertain. I am reminded of the person who had been badly abused by their father but defended him on the basis that ‘he might be horrible but he is my father’ and are hell bent on keeping the family together whatever the cost. Misplaced loyalty it may be but how do we help people to see that it is misplaced? I would like to hear the thoughts of others on this.

    • Patience, understanding and humour is the only answer when trying to convince such people. Positive reassurance in what we’re trying to achieve. Mostly people in their heart want to vote YES, they want YES to be the right choice. We are on the side of the angels after all, but fear of the known establishment and the unknown future is a powerful force and one that both BT and Westminster are past masters in manipulating.

      Its near pointless trying to convince those who chant the union/BT play book right back at you they are as convinced of their view as we are of ours. But those who speak of fears for the future are literally a YES vote waiting to happen. All it takes is the ability to understand and empathise with their fears and the patience and humour to tackle the arguments one at a time. Encourage them to make their own decisions after presenting them with your proofs in support of your case. No brow beating with reams of facts, just patient encouragement to help them make the choice they already know is the one they want to make. 🙂

      • Thanks Macart your advice just bore out my approach with those people, I show them where to look (both yes sites and no sites) and allow them to make up their own mind, lets face it when anyone looks at the two arguments side by side the outcome is a no brainer, the easiest conversion’s are people who want the answers and ARE prepared to look for themselves

  18. The reaction to one seat for UKIP is an over reaction. Disappointing yes but that’s all. They scraped in 4th because some didn’t take the advice to vote tactically to block them. Those who voted for them wouldn’t care who the candidate was or if the party has any credible policies. They do what the other Unionist parties don’t. Anti-immigration, anti-independence, anti-devolution, right wing, intolerant. All wrapped up neatly in one little package. Scotland is like any other country. It has it’s minority of nasties who, given the chance, will vote for the nasty party.

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