Inaudible mumble – the positive case for the Union

A great statesman of literary accomplishments in the field of fiction and noble revolutionary comradeship with the City of London is advancing the revolutionary cause of Yu Kok Up pioneered by the Eternal Leader 토니 블레어 To-ni Beul-le-eo and the Dear Leader 고든 브라운 Go-deun Beu-la-un along the path of victory with his sweeping revolutionary practice of flipping second homes and avoiding embarrassing questions about his expenses from ill-willed splittists.

The resolute and tireless example of the Great General Da-ling has inspired the stout hearted workers of the state Better Together Manure Plant to greater efforts for the glory of Yu Kok Up. Great General Da-ling is the eternal ring of Yu Kok Up through which increased output is spread over the grateful workers and peasants.

Evil splittist 앨릭스 샐먼드 Ael-lik-seu Sael-meon-deu has stirred running ginger dog elements who won’t fetch the Great General’s stick and refuse to sit and beg. The Great General is angered by their impudence and will crush them with his mighty eyebrows. And if he can stop Go-deun Beu-la-un from stabbing him in the back then one day he might even be important enough to get his own entry in the Korean Wikipedia so malcontents can mock him properly with Hangul references.

The foul anti-imperialist splittist factionalists spread lies amongst the masses, falsely claiming that the revolutionary General had accused the splittists of blood and soil nazism when in his kindness and generosity of spirit he had merely warned that it is bad if oil is nationalised or paid into an oil fund or spent on things the masses might want instead of revolutionary Tri-dent missiles for the greater glory of U Kok Up, because unlike his Westminster expenses claims it is volatile and you can’t flip oil-fields.

On hearing the joyous tidings that the strong heart of the revolutionary Great General had only the best interests of the peasants as his sole concern, the masses cried out with feelings of strong yearning, bestowing upon the Great General the traditional inaudible mumble of the peasantry – goat hand pluck youth health. Or at least that’s what they told the New Statesman they’d said.

The masses must be inculcated with the proper revolutionary spirit and follow in the example of comrades To-ni, Kam-el-ron and Go-deun. Only the glorious U Kok Up can inaudibly mumble above its weight. The Great General prepared his battle plans carefully. A concerted airwave attack from the intellectuals and thinkers of the BBC party would destroy the underground bunker of Ael-lik-seu Sael-meon-deu and scatter his ragtag band of splittists. The masses would follow the Great General, and hail his wisdom and fortitude. Only the airwave attack missed its target, the fearbombs were duds, and the masses weren’t for following anyone because they were too busy talking amongst themselves about how shite the BBC was.

It is the fault of hearing impaired splittists and rupturists that they are deaf to the positive case for the Union. The Great General has now articulated it clearly. The positive case for the Union is inaudible mumble. Only weak hearted rupturists could fail to be convinced by the revolutionary wisdom of the Great General as we march together in inaudible mumbles towards a glorious future of austerity where our complaints are reduced to inaudible mumbles.

Revolutionary business leaders and intellectuals also agree with the Great General. But fear of the evil splittists prevents them saying so. The Great General knows this to be true because the intellectuals and board member cadres have told him that they’d love to come out and support him but inaudible mumble and oh look Great General, a squirrel. And it’s a revolutionary red one, you still get them in 스코틀랜드 Seu-kko-tteul-laen-deu.

More glorious heroes of the To-ni Beu-le-eu revolutionary front will soon join the struggle. Lod Jon Rid will tell the rebellious masses that Ael-lik-seu Sael-meon-deu is just like Radovan Karadjic, and Jon ought to know because he goes on holiday with genocidal dictators and can inaudibly mumble with the best of them.

But it is true that the campaign is following in the example set by the eternal Peoples Republic of Korea. Leaders appearing only before handpicked groups of party faithful, a refusal to enter into meaningful debate with anyone who isn’t an accredited state newspaper reporter, an absence of criticism or questions in the official media, tractor factory statistics that even the North Korean state broadcaster would be embarrassed to broadcast, party leaders with their second homes paid for by the public, and the demonisation of opponents as fascists and splittists.

That message isn’t an inaudible mumble. The masses are hearing it loud and clear.



0 thoughts on “Inaudible mumble – the positive case for the Union

  1. Wi Ginga Dug, you will incur the wrath of Jo La with this brilliant piece of polemic. Back to the chicken farm!

  2. Inspired! May all your arrows meet their mark. O Ginger One.

    Running out of people to share your blog with, you are becoming so well known.

    Your star is alight in the firmament…Oh, I’ll need to stop this. No more fortune cookies.

  3. Brilliant, superb , is there no end to the talents of the wee ginger dug.

    Spilt ma tea again.

    jeans take ages to dry

    and eyes water so much i canny see the screen

    Thanks again for the big wet smile on my face.

    Off to make a fresh brew with the pc off

  4. better together are trying to say it’s a Reagan—radio broadcast–“let’s bomb Russia” kok up

    but the words spoken were serious,dangerous,unbelievably reckless

  5. Fortunately i know to finish my coffee before reading the Dug, otherwise “goat hand pluck youth health” would have meant a new keyboard! Brilliant humour, with the penultimate paragraph describing the true North Korean approach to the referendum to a T. Hint, it isn’t the YES campaign.

    Thanks again, an absolute keeper.

  6. If the great Da-ling has not already been sidelined, then he’s definitely been set up as the fall-guy when everything goes haywire for them on 18th September. The man has walked, eyes ablink, eyebrows aflutter, right into it. Now he’s just flailing around, making incoherent noises, mutters even.

  7. Fun bits aside where does the man go from here? (steady everyone)

    Alex Salmond can take care of himself and a bit of name calling and baiting by Darling should actually have him laughing all the way to the tea room. But inaudible mumbles aside Darling’s left a helluva stench behind by at the very least agreeing with his interviewers premise.

    Who does that? Alienate near half of the Scottish electorate by insinuating they are nazi by nature for aspiring to an independent and hopefully fairer form of governance. That kind of insinuation is beyond reckless. The picture this paints for the world through the media is appalling and he’s done this to his own electorate. As for the troll nutters out there… FFS a gift to their demented minds.

    There is no real recovery surely from such a crass and frankly stupid tack.

    • Wee Alistair is just having a bit of a temper tantrum because no one is paying him the attention he thinks he deserves. His real problem is that when we do pay attention to him we can all see that he’s really an arrogant clown without any arguments.

      • Its actually turned Mr Broon’s travelling roadshow into a bit of a non event. Five minutes of fame and then comical Ali drops this one in the swimming pool. Its like watching Curly and Mo do the whole poke in the eye routine. 😀

  8. Alistair should not just be sidelined but put in a dark room for his own good. This nonsense just has to stop.

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  10. Absolutely brilliant and incisivie as per…like others, I loved “the masses cried out with feelings of strong yearning, bestowing upon the Great General the traditional inaudible mumble of the peasantry – goat hand pluck youth health”…laughed so hard cause it’s so irrefutably true…thanks again!

      • O/T But Ali’s eyebrows remind me of Rasputin and Dennis Healey (the former Labour Chancellor who ‘fessed up to the British state lies in order to con the Scots public and pauchle our resources):

        Is he the illegitimate son of one or the other, or the demonic progeny of both?

        I think I would rather not be told as the prospect is too appalling to behold (pace the Dundonian Bard).

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