Just when you think that the UK has reached peak crazy you discover that the intelligence services were apparently relying on a guy who’d watched too many Nicholas Cage movies when they reported that there was information that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. We can only hope that Scotland gets independence before M15 launches Trident because a Whitehall informant has gone to see Independence Day Resurgence and mistakes it for indyref2.
What we learned from yesterday’s crazy was that Tony Blair and most of his government were largely responsible for the deathly debacle of Iraq, but it’s highly unlikely that any of them are going to face prosecution. They’ll still get to enjoy their peerages and their privilege. We’re living in a country where you will face more onerous consequences for turning up late to an interview at the job centre than you will for taking the country to war when war wasn’t necessary and setting off a chain of events which have led to the deaths of as many as a quarter of a million people and the maiming and displacement of millions more. Doesn’t it make you proud to be British eh? No. Me neither.
Today’s craziness comes in two main parts. Tory crazy, and Labour crazy. The Tories have whittled down their short list of five reactionary authoritarians to just two reactionary authoritarians. Earlier this week they got rid of Liam Fox, who will now have more time to spend with Adam Werrity, and they got rid of Stephen Crabb, who no one had heard of before the vote but who managed to raise his profile to such an extent that now a tiny minority of politics geeks have heard of him. And today the Tories finally got shot of Michael Gove, the bastard offspring of Margaret Thatcher and a goldfish, who has achieved his lifelong dream of never becoming prime minister.
We’re left with two candidates. One of them knows what the country wants because she’s read all your emails and will cheerfully force hundreds of thousands of EU citzens to live in uncertainty because she wants to use them as bargaining counters in EU negotiations. Teresa May is to civil liberties as Vlad the Impaler is to lawn ornaments. Meanwhile Andrea Leadsom is opposed to gay marriage and wants to strip maternity rights from women who work for small businesses, but she’s very big on freedom, as long as by freedom you mean the freedom to rip foxes apart with dogs and the freedom to believe that CV writing is form of creative fiction. The only positive thing you can say about her is that she makes Teresa May seem warm and cuddly. The Tory party has now given the country the choice of acid bath it wants to bathe in, or rather it’s given its members the choice. The rest of us have no say in the matter. We just have to melt with the result.
But they’re both women so that’s terribly forward looking and progressive. We’ll get to revisit the 1980s only with more far reaching surveillance and even worse employment rights, and can look forward to getting handbagged by Thatcher’s mini-me’s as we knuckle down to a UK where our civil rights are chipped away in the name of the security of greater glory to Great Britain. By way of compensation there will, without any shadow of a doubt, be bunting, military parades, and royals in medal bedecked uniforms to distract us from our zero hour contracts and from a pound that’s on a par with monopoly money, so you won’t be going on a foreign holiday any time soon. It will be a sub-Ruritanian horror show with no escape from the rain.
Labour’s crazy shows no sign of ending. At least you could argue that the Tories are power-crazed. Labour’s just crazed, and have as much prospect of attaining a position of responsibility as a 1970s BBC DJ has of being put in charge of a girl guides troop. The plotters have decided to take their plot to get rid of Corbyn off the boil for the time being, mainly because he’s refusing to leave and they’ve belatedly realised that they have no plan B, which appears to be something of a theme for Westminster politicians.
Having come to to realisation that the world is a cruel and pitiless place which has no respect for the ambitions and plans of Labour politicians, the Westminster parliamentary party and its Holyrood equivalent have taken refuge in a fantasy world where they’re still relevant and influential. Kezia Dugdale announced today that her party is the only party that is still committed to keeping Scotland in both the EU and the UK. She’d be as well announcing her commitment to retaining ties with the Roman Empire, because that’s as much a part of ancient history as her commitment to keeping the UK in the EU. The UK is going to leave the EU. No amount of foot stamping and dummy spitting is going to change that political reality.
European leaders, in the shape of Mariano Rajoy, have made it very plain that Scotland cannot remain in the EU if the UK leaves, but Kezia and her wee band of Unionists were too busy crowing about how Rajoy’s words were a blow for Nicola Sturgeon to notice that he’d actually put the kybosh on the Labour party in Scotland’s wish to retain membership of both unions. And since the UK has already voted to leave the EU, and the UK is governed by a Tory party with two leadership candidates who are vying with one another to implement Brexit, that leaves only two options. Those options are remaining a part of the UK and leaving the EU with May or Leadsom deciding our fates, or becoming independent and remaining a part of the EU, giving ourselves the option of leaving at some time in the future on our own terms if that’s what we decide to do, free from the nightmare risk of a Tory Brexit. There are no other choices available, no matter how much Kezia and her supporters skweam and skweam and skweam until they’re sick.
Scotland can either retreat into Labour’s shades of crazy with Kezia’s fantasy world, or we can take adult decisions based upon the realities before us. We can seize this opportunity to become, at last, an adult country in charge of our own destiny, or we can crawl under the comfort blanket with Kezia and pretend that none of this is really happening. I vote to be a grown up, I vote for Scottish independence.
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