Poor Kezia. There she is, getting all ready to vote with the Tories because the Labour party hates the SNP even more, and then she gets into a bout of snarking with an SNP MSP who was slagging her off for supporting the party that’s wreaking malicious havoc on the Scottish working class communities that used to vote Labour. And she got so caught up in the snarkback that she didn’t vote with the rest of her MSPs and allowed the SNP to win. Oops.
That’s Labour in Scotland’s new autonomy for you, Kezia is so autonomous that she’s even autonomous from her own party. She’s seceded from the obligation to vote the way that she instructs her colleagues to vote. She’s now trying to lay the blame on mechanical failure, and this would be true. It’s a failure of the mechanical response of Labour to attack the SNP instead of the Tories they were elected to oppose. Maybe if Kezia wanted to regain the support of those working class voters who deserted Labour en masse in favour of the SNP she’d be a bit more successful if she got back to voting against the Tories.
Of course it’s quite possible that the reason Kezia is seeking more autonomy for Labour in Scotland from UK Labour is because she wants more freedom of movement to ally with the Tories instead of opposing them. Opposing the Tories is a dangerously Corbynite idea after all. Once Labour in Scotland achieves its autonomy from UK Labour then Glesca Labour can cheerfully go into coalition with the Conservatives in order to maintain their failing grip on the city. Mind you, they’d cheerfully go into coalition with them anyway, and then tell us that it’s only Labour that can protect us from the depredations of Thatcher’s latest generation of hell-spawn.
Kezia won’t admit that she just forgot to vote, because that speaks of a level of incomptence that makes Jackie Baillie seem numerate. This is a really serious issue, said Kezia speaking after the event, with that sad eyed face she does when she knows that she’s in deep doo doo and can’t handily blame it on the SNP. I did so vote, and there needs to be an investigation. That will usefully deflect criticism for a while, or at least for long enough for her pals in the Unionist media to have found something else to attack the SNP for. Maybe she could just save us all the bother and accuse the SNP of being responsible for her own screw ups. After all, that seems to be Murdo Fraser’s tactic for the Tories. Murdo wants to know what the SNP are going to do to ensure a successful Brexit, which is a bit like a drunk driver demanding that the pedestrians he’s just run over do more about road safety.
Anyway, being kind hearted souls, we should give Kezia the benefit of the doubt when she claims that it’s not her fault that her vote wasn’t registered. Perhaps the dog ate it. There was a fire, an earthquake, or a flood. It’s entirely possible that her vote vanished due to the evil SNP vote stealing fairy, the same one that’s been responsible for causing Labour votes to vanish across whole swathes of Scotland over the past few years.
After a proper investigation all those votes will be found lurking down the back of the washing machine with a pile of ooss and a solitary black sock with a hole in the big toe. The ooss will be nominated for election as the next Labour cooncillor for Lanarkshire North, but will be rejected because half the party is suspicious of anyone that’s dangerously intellectual and the other half thought it was already serving as the Tory Secretary of State for Scotland.
Meanwhile the sock will be considerably more useful than anything Labour in Scotland has said or done over the past few years. Someone from the British establishment will use it as a puppet and it will become the next leader of Labour in Scotland after Kezia’s had her turn. And no one will notice the difference. Because, let’s be honest here, that’s pretty much how the leader of the Scottish branch office has operated for as long as anyone can remember. The sock will of course be hailed by the Unionist media as the next great saviour of the Union and they’ll earnestly inform us how the nats are secretly really terrified and those guffaws you hear are in fact nervous laughter.
The point being of course is that losing votes is not Labour’s fault. It’s not Kezia’s fault that she forgot to vote. It’s not the Labour party in Scotland’s fault that their traditional voter base doesn’t want to vote for them any more. Labour is the People’s Party, and those who don’t vote for them are obviously not the People. They’re brainwashed drones who’ve fallen under the influence of vile cybernats. All Labour needs to do is to keep on doing what it’s always done and eventually the infection will wear off and Scotland will get back to normal. Labour operates on the principle that a change of political views is a bit like a bad case of food poisoning. The voters will get over it eventually, once they get it out of their systems.
The problem is that Scotland changed during the independence referendum campaign. Labour didn’t. The Scottish Tories didn’t. They expected that once they’d won their No vote that things would go back to normal. But things won’t go back to the way they were. Scotland has wised up. We’re alive to the tricks and the lies and the promises that go unfulfilled. We’re aware of the vows that aren’t worth the newspaper they’re printed on. It’s not just the SNP that should be held to account. It’s Kezia and Ruth and their pals too. Welcome to the new normal.
Audio version of this blog article, courtesy of Sarah Mackie @lumi_1984 https://soundcloud.com/occamshaver/a-sock-a-pile-of-ooss-and-a-lost-vote-wee-ginger-dug-22nd-september-2016
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