The embarrassadors

A couple of days ago Nigel Farage got to meet the Amphibian Prince, the man that America kissed but it turned out he was a poisonous toad. The world got to witness two venomous creepy creatures in a gold plated elevator, which is the kind of thing you don’t otherwise see outside a James Bond movie. It was, by all accounts, by which we mean Nigel’s self-aggrandising account, a very cosy affair as the two schlimebags schmoozed in the ooze.

After the meeting the Toad King called on the UK government to appoint his rubber faced pal as the new British embarrassador to the USA. The Donald thinks that Nigel would be a fantastic diplomat, in exactly the same way that Jeremy Kyle is a world class social worker. That’s because the Toad Across the Pond has as much understanding of how diplomatic appointments work as he does of how to resolve conflicts of interest between his business and his new role as head of state of the USA. Donald thinks that everything’s just fine and dandy and perfectly legal because he’s the president, so he can do what he likes.

He also thinks that he can tell foreign governments who they should appoint as their representatives to his gilded lily pond. He thinks that a foreign ambassador to the USA should be someone who stands up for Donald’s interests and not for the interests of the state they supposedly represent. This does not augur well for the future of his presidency. Or for the future of America. Or for the future of the rest of us. But hey, he’s an anti-elitist billionaire and he gets on great with Nigel because Nigel is an anti-elitist public school Thatcherite stockbroker. It’s just that they interpret anti-elitism as “having extremely poor taste in interior decor.” They’re going to stand up against the elites by pissing on the poor and on migrants.

He’s still a few months away from the official hand over of power, which comes in January meaning that we’ll be able to get the holidays out of the way before having to dig out our nuclear fall out shelters. Even so he’s already managed to backtrack on most of the key promises he made to the rabid foaming mouthed alt right types who elected him, making them an even more foaming mouthed and rabid alt right than they were to begin with. Well I say alt right, what I really mean is nasty adolescent racists who can’t get laid. He’s not going to prosecute Hillary after all, and that wall he’s going to build that he insisted was going to be a wall and not a fence will apparently be a wall with certain fence-like characteristics. Like being a fence. And Donald really doesn’t understand why the extreme right has been energised by his victory, that’s something he’s promised that he’s going to look into. Although if he really wanted to understand why the extreme right has been energised by his victory then he really only needs to look in a mirror. And while Donald admires himself in his gilded mirror, hate crimes soar and fascists exhult in the new dispensation that gives them legitimacy.

Anyway, back to the meeting with the embarrassador in waiting. According to sources, that would be Nigel again, during the meeting the Toad Prince mentioned windfarms a number of times, and asked Nige, when he’s not busy with embarrassadorial duties, to go to Scotland to campaign against them. Donald really doesn’t like wind farms, because they distract people from the amount of flailing about in circles that he does himself and make him look bad because they actually produce something useful.

Donald doesn’t want Scotland to have windfarms, because they spoil the view for the windbag. Scotland is supposed to look like a Victorian painting on a shortbread tin lid. Rustic and genteel and with peasants in pleasant poverty, not the sort of poverty that would bother the Donald, if he had a conscience. Windfarms are a painful reminder that Scotland is a 21st century nation with aspirations to become a better place, and that just won’t do for a man whose world view is stuck in the 1950s. That’s why he gets on so well with Nigel, they’re stuck in a similar timewarp and they both love themselves.

The Toad Prince banging on about windfarms in a meeting with the man he says he wants to be the British ambassador to the USA is another sign that the Donald is incapable of distinguishing between his own business interests and his role as US president. It means that during the second independence referendum we’re likely to see a more active and louder involvement from the US administration on the side of the naw saying windbags. And that makes independence far more likely, because if there’s a single person who is less liked and less respected in Scotland than Nigel Farage it’s Donald Trump. Donald loves Scotland, in the same way that Josef Fritzl loved his family. He wants to keep us locked away, powerless, and in the dark. Then he can sell us to rich golfers as picturesque poverty porn. All his interventions will do will be to annoy, irritate, and enrage. But we can be certain that he’s going to intervene, and he’s going to intervene far more loudly and vehemently than previous US administrations, because for Trump it’s about his own business interests and not about the USA.

Come to Scotland as the Toad Prince’s embarrassador Nigel, come and tell us why we’re better off without windfarms but with you in our public life, come and tell us that we should do what Donald Trump wants. Come to Scotland and tell us how we’re far better off not making our own decisions but instead we should ride on the coat tails of the Tories as they beg for crumbs from the gilded table of Donald Trump. You’ll be the best recruiting tool for the independence cause since Margaret Thatcher.

If you’d like me and the dug to come and give a talk to your local group, email me at

Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

If you’d like to make a donation but don’t wish to use Paypal or have problems using the Paypal button, please email me at for details of alternative methods of donation.

frontcovervol3barkingvol2coverSigned copies of the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug volumes 1 2 3 & 4 are available by emailing me at Price just £21.90 for two volumes plus P&P. Please state whether you want vols 1 & 2 or 3 & 4. You can also order signed copies of all four volumes for the special price of £40 plus £4 P&P within the UK.

Copies of Barking Up the Right Tree are available from my publisher Vagabond Voices at price just £7.95 plus P&P. The E-book of Barking Up the Right Tree is available for Kindle for just £4. Click here to purchase.

You can get your copy of Barking Up the Right Tree Volume 2 for the special advance order price of £1 off the cover price and free P&P within the UK by placing an order on the Vagabond Voices website. Just click the following link.

0 thoughts on “The embarrassadors

  1. Pingback: The embarrassadors | speymouth

  2. Aye, get thon gypit hoor Farage up here again, he was great fun last time in Edinburgh campaigning for a seat 200 miles away. Nice one Paul.

  3. Does his doorbell go ‘bling bling’? If you saw the wall coverings would you want to get the flock out of there?

    But back to wind farms. Is it possible that the wind turbine aggro is just an excuse to bottle out of building the houses, lodges and hotel originally proposed in 2006 and reaffirmed in 2015?

  4. Nigel is Trump’s useful idiot pre and post Trump’s election.

    Thought Nigel was wanting to get his private life back post BREXIT as opposed to what we all saw as another rat leaving the sinking ship in the immediate days after BREXIT result announced.

    Love how Farage said on CH4 news he did not want Ambassador role while recently moaning about Tory Government rejecting Trumps call to make him British (English) Ambassador.

    It would seem Farage does not take rejection well which is a classic narcissistic trait .

    And then we had Tim Montgomerie saying Farage deserves a knighthood and Isabel Oakenshott saying “Why PM must find Farage a role”………….why ? So that UKIP can do better in council elections and next GE…yeh I can see how the Tories would warm to that.

    Yeh make him a Lord before we have actually left EU and when it is proven a disaster let’s look ridiculous at rewarding an idiot for disservices rendered to GB (England) and then let’s allow him to negotiate a UK(England)/USA trade deal more beneficial to US and of course Trump’s UK (Scottish Golf courses )business interests……..or why would Trump want him duh.

    Farage’s tweets on Trump verging more on his allegiance to US than his GREAT GREAT GREAT BRITAIN (England).

    UK (England) would be even more of a laughing stock , if possible , than it is just now if either of the above hacks suggestions came about.

    Farage is not so much Trump’s apprentice more like his bitch.

  5. Farage and Trump together would be a gift for the case of Scottish independence. Farage would be running rings round the British government, insisting that the only way the US would consider further trade deals is only on the condition that they do ‘this or that’.

    Naturally – of course – to benefit and promote himself and his party, while helping out his follically bouffant amigo.

    Our gruesome twosome, would have soft no voters ‘insisting’ that Scotland became independent as soon as humanly possible.

    Hail! Our new Lord Farage I say… 😏

  6. I’m thinking Nige’s reception may be a bit frosty north of the border. 🙂

    His last visit didn’t go so well and after yesterday’s news? Its a racing certainty that one of the instigators of this economic catastrophe isn’t going to be the most popular party guest.

  7. The Nigefactor will run and run. There is more to this. Westminster has a record of flagging up aspects to test the water. Behind this are murmerings within chaos at No 10.
    The current ambassador in the US
    Will stay for a while and then be reshuffled to a lesser post to spend more time with the family.
    May will resign next year due to being out of her depth and the impossibility of the Brexit means Brexit means….?
    As soon as Article 50 is activated, then the MayHem will start. All one hears from the two relic UK parties, Lab and Con, is “getting the best deal.” Now that is a strategy par excellence! No details around “best”. The best deal is the one we have at present as members, by and large.
    Global GB does not include our nearest 27 neighbours across the North Sea.
    The speshul relashunship must now be holed below the waterline. May and our Brittanic Majesty have been slighted. The speshul thingy was never speshul, it was a figment of the English upper class mind to make them feel like a world power again. A figment of Churchill’s mind when he wrote his history of the English speaking peoples! A concept arising from UK imperialism before the surrender at Singapore to the Japanese.
    Given the massive deficit in Westminster’s finances and the crazy vanity projects in the pipeline – Hinckley, HS2, Trident renewal and the refurbishment of Buck House, the good ship UK is with isolationist Brexit rudderless.
    Reality check of impotence, which should have been seen after Empire, is about to hit dahn sath this time round.
    Labour are Brexiteers too.
    The yoon parties in Holyrood will accept anything Westminster throws at them.

    • Update. Big stooshi. Tory backbenchers propro-Brexit attack OBR for doom and gloom statement; No 10 defends OBR . Chancellor under fire from Tory backbenchers .
      Maybe May will chuck it in before end of year.
      The proverbial fans are whirring!
      There was a demo outside Parliament yesterday demanding Hard Brexit now, meaning just quit now and the deil tak the hindmost!
      Jeremy Corbyn wanted to activate Article 50 the day after the vote!
      It is ludditism in reverse.
      Interesting times.
      Perhaps May will resugn citing health reasons like Macmillan after his Common Market nemesis when De Gaulle said Non!
      Watch this space. She will leave like Thatcher muttering she only wanted the best deal possible.
      I like seeing the usually smug No 10, on the back foot. Makes a change!! What is Cameron thinking now?

    • “May will resign next year due to being out of her depth”. Agreed entirely John. I don’t normally say anything of a personal nature about politicians, but I think it’s becoming painfully obvious that the Prime Minister is intellectually incapable, not only of her holding high office, but of her being capable of dealing with the increasing shambles that is the proposed U.K exit from the E.U.

  8. Wonder what the pensioners, the ones who voted No in the Scottish Referendum, have to say now that the triple lock is going to be removed from, what for many, may be their sole source of income. The campaign to get the U.K to leave the E.U, enthusiastically supported by Farage, has, I believe, visited on all of us the greatest economic catastrophe ever to befall these islands.
    It also has given free rein to the more extremist elements in the M.S.M, of which they are many, to vent their hatred, not only on Scotland, it’s people, and of course the S.N.P Government, because we dare to suggest that there could be a better way forward which would benefit all peoples, not just the privileged few.
    And of course, after the conviction of the murderer of Jo Cox, still no mention in the media of their complicity in encouraging a backlash against immigration, and immigrants, or indeed anyone who was perceived to be “soft” on this issue. Well, why would there be, since most of them were fully behind whatever action taken by either the Labour or Conservative administrations at Westminster to take us into successive, and probably illegal, wars in the Middle-East, which has resulted in the mass-migration which we now see taking place.
    So we are where we are, and while I believe that Nicola is employing the correct strategy in being seen to explore every avenue to keep us, not only in the single market, but the E.U. itself, I hope it will, in the coming months, be increasingly obvious to those who didn’t vote for independence when they had the opportunity, to change their minds when Indyref2 comes along, as it now surely must.
    As one who’s sole income is my old age pension, my concern is that when we do become an independent nation, is that whoever is in charge at Westminster welches, as they have been known to do in the past, on not only this issue, but on others, as a punishment for leaving this” most wonderful family of nations”, and leave it up to the Scottish Government to take up the slack. I wouldn’t put it past them, but even although I might be poorer financially, it would be worth it just to become an independent country once again.

  9. There is an argument against the spread of windfarms that does not require you to be on the same side as the Trump person.

    They do spoil the view – and I say that as a Scot of limited means who enjoys the odd hillwalk and who can sometimes be almost reduced to tears at the beauty of his native land, not as some rich arsehole slinging a ball around a field in Aberdeenshire!

    The biggest argument against them is that they are ineffective and basically have become a corrupt means of providing taxpayers money to already rich landowners through state subsidies and the SNP’s role in this troubles me.

    Hydro-Electric pump storage schemes like Cruachan are however very effective. They also impact the scenery but in a less widespread fashion, however I and I suspect many Scots who love their landscape would be prepared to put up with a few more of these proven, effective schemes if it removed the blight of the windfarms,, providing clean energy for centuries to come.

    • Pumped storage is also hugely expensive. In itself, it doesn’t produce any energy because physics.

      Wind farms are a necessity and I’m afraid we have to give up some of our views if we want to maintain our current standard of living and avoid environmental catastrophe. You do have a point about too much of their revenue going to rich landowners though.

      • Dare I say – coal fired stations with suitable scrubber technology owned by the Scottish Government specifying only Scottish coal giving thousands of Scots jobs. I suppose I’m living in La La land but it says something when even to propose such a thing puts you beyond the pale in so many ways. And I don’t think the fault is with me.

  10. Pingback: The embarrassadors | pictishbeastie

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.