British Mortification

At long last we finally know what the hitherto meaningless phrase Brexit means Brexit means. Thanks to some Tory aide who wandered out into Downing Street clutching some briefing notes which were accidentally, or possibly accidentally on purpose, on show, the world has discovered that what we all thought all along is actually true. Brexit means Brexit means that the British government wants to have its cake and eat it, and that the refusal of Theresa May to reveal her strategy is indeed because she doesn’t want to weaken her position during negotiations. But that’s only because her negotiating position would be seriously weakened if it became known that she doesn’t actually have a strategy at all.

It’s embarrassingly obvious now that not only does the Conservative government not have a strategy for Brexit, but some of its leading figures don’t even have a clear idea of how the European Union works. David Davis thought that the UK would be able to negotiate a trade deal with Germany before the UK leaves the EU, only for it to be pointed out that this would be illegal. Fluffy Mundell struggled to answer when asked whether he knew the difference between the European Single Market and the European Customs Union. He refused to answer the question, because he didn’t know the answer.

Essentially the customs union means that the members agree to have no customs duties on trade between member countries, and a common system of tarrifs and duties on non-members. The single market means harmonising rules and regulations so not only goods but services, people and investment are free to move within the area. The harmonisation of standards allows for the free movement of goods and services such as electrical installations or plumbing. There ye go, you now know more about the working of the EU than the Secretary of State for Scotland. Although that’s not saying much as a stuffed teddy in a shop window knows more about it than he does. Stuffed teddies are subject to single market rules on toy safety. We’re governed by idiots and fools. Those broad shoulders of the UK bear the head of a small and none too bright child with an entitlement complex. Yet we’re supposed to put our faith in balloons who don’t understand how the EU works to negotiate the best deal from the EU for us.

There are four year olds in nursery education plotting how to take over the doll’s house and mount a coup de teddy who have a firmer grasp on strategy than the British government. Historically Britain has never been very good at strategy, relying instead on bullying. This worked out just fine when Britain was an empire and one of the most powerful countries in the world, but now the UK has turned into a nasty and antisocial old bastert who hates all the neighbours and is despised by them in turn yet relies on them to go to the supermarket and maintain the house. Britain might think in its delusion that it can boss everyone else about and get exactly what it wants, but the truth is that the neighbours are planning to pack Britain off to the Bide-A-Wee-Brexit-Home where it’s going to sit in the glorious isolation of its own rank mess and no one will ever come to visit.

And this brings us in turn to one of the most pressing and important reasons for independence. The United Kingdom is, to put it bluntly, an utter embarrassment. In Scotland we talk a lot about the cringe, and how historically we’ve been taught to be ashamed of Scottish language and culture, to diminish and disparage them. Scotland still has a long way to go before it gets over its national cringe, but we’re making progress. Britain on the other hand, is going backwards into an idealised vision of a 1950s that never existed.

The realisation that we have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about with Scottish culture is increasingly being replaced by the realisation that the United Kingdom is an affront to decency, common sense and good taste. The Scottish Cringe is being replaced by the British Mortification. Scotland builds a grass roots political movement that informs, engages and motivates a people who have learned that unless the people participate then democracy dies. Britain is descending into reactionary senility where poppy parades and royal correspondents substitute for popular engagement in the democratic process, where newspapers print lies because the truth doesn’t suit. Britain is where hatred of foreigners is stirred up by demagogues who call it patriotism. Britain is where Theresa May gets to decide all by herself what the decision to leave the EU means and where those who campaigned for the sovereignty of the Westminster Parliament froth in anger when some insist that that parliament must have a say.

How can any sane person with a functioning set of neurones not look on Boris Johnson and Liam Fox and curl up and die inside? These clowns represent us to the world. We might try and distance ourselves from them in Scotland, and disavow that they have anything to do with us, but as long as we remain a part of the UK they are the face that Scotland presents to the planet. The shellshocked moronity of the Boorish one and his backstabbing pal Gove as they stood open mouthed and empty headed the day after the Brexit vote is the perfect illustration of the intellectual and moral bankruptcy of the British state. Silly little boys playing party political games with our futures.

Meanwhile the Scottish Government is due to reveal Scotland’s options for Brexit. The only administration in the entire UK with a plan for Brexit is the Scottish one. The only government in the UK which has a plan is the one in Edinburgh. The only country in the UK that Europe is taking seriously is Scotland. The only leader from anywhere in the UK who can go and address the Parliament of another EU state and receive a standing ovation is the Scottish First Minister. The days of the Scottish Cringe are over. The days when we needed to be ashamed by Scotland are done. It’s Britain that is embarrassing. Britain is cringe making. Britain is the class clown of Europe. Britain is a state that desperately tries to cling on to the dignity of the past because its got a future as the drunken jaikie in the European street, shouting racist abuse and god save the Queen. Britain is a state that Scotland needs to escape if its to retain any self-respect.

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0 thoughts on “British Mortification

  1. Pingback: British Mortification | speymouth

  2. “There are four year olds in nursery education plotting how to take over the doll’s house and mount a coup de teddy who have a firmer grasp on strategy than the British government….”

    That was just wonderful. You have a way with words….

  3. Nailed it Paul.

    The comments below the BBC article referring to the FMs visit to Ireland reflect perfectly the description of ‘British’ society today. Not only have central government and the media taught the UKs populations how to hate and mistrust the ‘foreigner’, but how to hate and mistrust each other.

    No unity, only mistrust, anger, resentment and a runaway narrative. The government of the UK today is both a national and an international disgrace. As for the populations of the UK?

    Better Together?

    Not an argument I’d care to make.

  4. “the difference between the European Single Market and the European Customs Union”——-well of course the Fluffster didn’t answer the question, and not ONLY because he didn’t know the answer.
    Mundellino is a SECRETARY for goodness sakes.
    He thinks his job is to make the tea! He doesn’t know ANY answers!
    He is a small town lawyer mixing with Big City Slickers.

    • It’s always embarrassing to watch someone floundering about trying to do a job which is way beyond their intellectual and social abilities. No doubt he has his eye on the dosh that’s rolling in and the eventual pension rights he will get for being Secretary of State for Scotland – a position he once called for the abolition of.

  5. I see your point, but I’m not sure that it was ever a ‘British Empire’. After all, the current entitled chumps are descendants of a bunch of French/Viking thugs who terrorised themselves a fiefdom and used propaganda and anti-semitism to enlarge and finance it, eventually controlling more of the Island until eventually their bewigged and perfumed descendants sold themselves Scotland. Historically, it’s always been a thinly disguised mafia kingdom based around London, and the rest of us have to put up with the embarassment of it all.

    By the way, Where did Sturgeon get her standing ovation in Europe? I’d like to try and find a video.

    And I know it is a bit selfish, but if you can possibly hold off until I’ve finished training and can move to Scotland before making any major changes, I’d appreciate it. Can you arrange that for me? Cheers.

  6. Razor sharp as usual, Paul.
    The sad truth is that everything you say here is true. We laugh, lest we cry.
    Sturgeon’s Dublin visit, her demeanour, her stateswomanlike poise, her Q&A at Trinity, and her speech in the senate were inspiring and clearly warmly received.
    She is not being treated like a Head of State: she IS our Head of State, the Prime Minister of Scotland de facto.
    Over my dead body will we be dragged out of the EU against the ‘overwhelming democratic wishes of the Scottish people’.
    There are a million who voted Leave of course, some of whom voted Yes in 2014.
    I wonder how many still would vote Leave now that May is in power, Johnson, Davis, Fox, and Hammond are running the show, and it looks like the EU will insist on Hard Brexit no matter what May and her Three Brexiteers finally present as their laughingly described as ‘negotiating position’,

    There is no negotiation. No ifs, no buts, England and Wales are out of the European Community.
    Scotland and N Ireland clearly are not going gently into that dark night with them.
    A Second Independence Referendum is inevitable now.
    Meanwhile Mundell mutters: ‘It’s not a question of ‘could’, but a question of ‘should’ Scotland have a second Referendum.’
    The man’s an idiot. As I observed earlier; can anybody envisage this man fronting Scotland on a two day diplomatic visit to Ireland. What could he possibly discuss with Irish politicians about Brexit, borders, the price of Guinness or who’s favourite to win next Year’s Gold Cup?
    He consistently demonstrates that he is not even on the fringes of May’s Cabinet, and as you point out here, has not even bothered to get low level expertise on the EU, The Single Market, or the Customs Union.
    He’s just one of several dozen Tory Dim but Nice placements Up Here. Just scan the Blue Tory benches at FMQ.
    It’s comin’ yet for a’ that.

  7. “The UK has turned into a nasty and antisocial old bastert who hates all the neighbours and is despised by them in turn yet relies on them to go to the supermarket and maintain the house. Britain might think in its delusion that it can boss everyone else about and get exactly what it wants” – I couldn’t help but reminds me of Charlie & the chocolate factory film with the girl (lets say Theresa May & chums) that says ” I don’t care i WANT IT NOW, I don’t care I want it NOOOOOW as she falls into oblivion.

    I would say Willy Wonka is a symbol of the EU at the point she (britain) falls, for trying to get too uppity.

    That sums Westminster & the so called UK up perfectly at this very moment: spoilt little child.

  8. ‘A coup de teddy’ indeed. Not wishing to break the law and illegally witness Fluffy Paddington Mundell posing in front of a shelf full of cut out green book ends – hiding what I wonder, I can only go by what I read on-line about his performance, thus saving time and legal bills, but the reports are somewhat unedifying. Not only do these gormless chiels nay ken how the EU works, they don’t appear to know about the interlocking venn diagram of agreements and treaties within which the UK currently resides, hence the likely stooshie when the courts are asked to rule on whether the UK is also leaving the EEA when it leaves the EU, the answer to which may have to come from a European court – what fun.

    I don’t suppose the news where you are spent much time informing the licence payers in Scotland about the activities of their elected representative, the First Minister, and her visit to the Republic of Ireland, though, if it had been some minor royal, there would have been non-stop brown nose rolling coverage. What I found interesting, very interesting, in the responses to the First Minister’s speech was what I took to be an intention to assist Scotland If or when there is another attempt at Scotland becoming an independent nation. Interesting because this will feed back into the EU. Interesting because the First Minister visiting the Republic of Ireland and speaking at the Irish Senate, the Irish upper chamber, sets a precedent for the First Minister speaking to other countries. Interesting because it did seem that a point was being made, a point the UK ambassador, who was present, may well take report back on – what fun.

    Point of order. I don’t think the single market works for electricians coming to Scotland though I am happy to be corrected.

  9. Pingback: British Mortification | pictishbeastie

  10. Dear, weegingerdug, you understand our ‘Dry Humour’ ~ for a political analyst, you know which bones need chewing on…we can see that you have more wisdom in your tail than Westminster’s MPs (bar the ones we support! 😉 ~ keep at it lad!

    • Marco, now I realise why BBC Scotland blocked this remarkable occasion.
      Cross party support in Ireland for Scottish Independence? Who’d have thought.
      Our FM was excellent.
      I reiterate: imagine Mundell in the chair? Me neither.

  11. “They are operating like the old Soviet system – it’s structured around absolute authority at the centre. They don’t care for people or democracy. It is reprehensible, bizarre and sad. I must say that I’m astonished that they would want to play games with people’s lives”
    This quote from Ian Duncan Smith in response to Merkel and Tusk refusing to ‘pre-negotiate’ a deal with May to guarantee the position of the 1.2 million Brit EU Silver Settlers (mostly pensioners) and the 3.2 million EU migrant workers currently working in the UK.
    Merkel is ‘keeping their cards close to their chest, just like the Darling Duds of May.
    Quite rightly she insists that England and Wales trigger Art 50 now.
    Only then will discussion of EU ‘displaced’ citizens begin.
    Who are behaving like operating like the old Soviet system? May still believes that she and she alone will decide the terms of the UK’s divorce, and Mundell bizarrely believes that he is the Grand Panjandrum of Northern Terra Scotta.
    Suddenly the penny drops. Britannia doesn’t rule the waves. The EU will not let Britannia waive the rules.

    In the meantime the National Audit Office reports that the Jobcentre Sanctions regime is not working in that it is unevenly applied across regions, and plunges claimants into poverty, starvation, and depression, and is basically unjust.
    Starvation, depression, and injustice, IDS style.
    But it is socially engineered so that ‘work always pays’?
    Aye, richt.
    BBC Pacific Quay has just completely lost it now, BTW.

    • Over on WoS, the Rev highlights Mad May at PMQ today saying that claimants should not be able to live on benefits.
      I expect an outcry from the leaders of our Religions on this one, pronto.
      This is what Mundell means by ‘work always pays.’ ?
      Starve and die otherwise?
      Heartless basters.
      Come on, ye Moderators, Cardinals, Rabbis…
      What happened to the meek inheriting the earth?
      Doubtless Davidson, Dugdale, and Rennie, will obligingly make themselves scarce for the rest of the day.
      Looks like the poor will need to eat Neil Findlay’s flags after all.
      We need to be out of this corrupt little Union now.

    • Yet HS On line does not cover the visit at all, Sam.
      Their most popular story appears to be about the ongoing wrangle between SportsDirect and RFC, and another ‘blow’ for Indyref2 from YouGov poll showing support down to 44%.
      Raw meat for the Unionist mob, no doubt. Dog whistle nonsense to sell ‘papers to the grunters and xenophobes.
      The Record, whose political editor hails from Norn Irn, does feature the visit, if you scroll down long enough, ‘way down, in the abyss.
      It is reported that the Scottish Dead Tree Scrollers in the Senate yesterday were ‘amazed’ by NS’ reception, and the universal support for Scottish Independence across the Chamber, with not one dissenting voice.
      Our hacks were so ‘amazed’ that they’ve done everything possible to bury news of the visit from Scots readers, listeners and viewers.
      Just think how they are going to behave when the Indyref2 campaign gets underway.

      • Yougov eh? I’ll see their Yougov and raise it with a National Survey.

        The opposition have done everything in their power to either derail, discredit or deflect notice from the National Survey.

        I’m keeping my powder dry till the numbers are crunched on around 1.6 mil submissions. A bit more comprehensive than a Times sponsored Yougov methinks. 🙂

        Did you catch any of PMQs Jack? And if you did, did you catch the government benches response to Angus Robertson wishing folks a good St Andrews day?

        Pretty grim and not a lot of better togetherness on show in the midst of the jeering and cat calling. Can’t say as I’m terribly impressed with the behaviour of the government benches.

        • Well it seems pretty mutual we dont want to be there and they certainly dont want us in their Parliament , so whats the Problem ? why dont the SNP MPs just walk out as nothing they say or do makes any difference , if they do happen to stay disrupt the f/n place and interrupt the antiquated procedures clap at every opportunity , in short get right up their bloody noses , what will they do sanction the whole SNP group , they must be sick watching the sneering Tory faces as much as we do watching the disgraceful behavour and the childish remarks and cat calls that seems to go unnoticed by that little runt Berco.
          Yeah we get it, its your f/kn Parliament stick it ,and your Scabby Union right up yer arse .

          • They do it because we asked them to Robert and because 55% of our electorate signed us up to continued political union. So long as there is a majority in favour of union and so long as 2014s result stands, they’ll continue to turn up for ritual humiliation in our name and take our cases before that appalling chamber. There are days like the Scotland Bill debates of 2015 and today’s incident where its a heartbreaking and frustrating thing to watch and bear.

            I couldn’t do it, that’s for damn sure. It takes a discipline and ability to turn the other cheek that most folk, and I include myself in that, simply couldn’t muster.

            The irony is there are those out there who believe the ‘respect and acceptance’ of the house would return if only it weren’t the SNP representing our interests. That somehow, magically, if it were Labour or anyone else and we went back to just accepting our lot from UK gov. we’d have the respect of house, their media and wider UK society.

            Uh Huh!

            The ONLY respect that matters is SELF RESPECT. If you have none for yourself, then why expect others to give you any.

        • It’s 6.42 am 1st Dec, Sam. I’ve been ‘saving up’ PMQ until this morning, although I have learned from past experience not to have a mouthful of toast and scrambled egg when I access the Westminster Farce.
          Howling baying WM Unionists are becoming the norm these days on all matters Scottish.
          I have nothing but the deepest contempt for the Scottish Dead Tree Scrollers and BBC Scotland’s wee Unionist clique.
          I am sure that it is a source of wonder and admiration throughout the world that we Scots citizens continue on the road to Self Determination by conducting ourselves in a peaceful democratic manner at all times, despite the Usual Suspects and nasty little card carriers attempting to ‘Ulsterify’ our steady progress towards the inevitable.
          A Scottish government, of the people, elected by the people, and directly accountable to the Scottish people, within an independent nation, a full member of the EU, and a close friend and ally to our neighbours South of the Border, and across the Irish Sea.
          Brexit is May’s Poll Tax.
          We can keep our powder dry sit back and watch London unravel.
          I note Boris Johnson is now touting Freedom of Movement and an amnesty on illegal migrants who have been here for 10 years or more.
          This is probably the last Christmas for the Union; let them have their xenophobic racist fun.
          ‘Let’s all laugh at Scotland’.
          Aye richt.
          Off to access BBC I Player.
          A bientot.

          • Watched as much of PMQ as I could. Almost completely no relevance to Scotland, which, perversely, I consider a Good Thing.
            Dipped into Offensive Brewer’s wee mid week mag.
            Tomkins, and Kelly, ye gods.
            Then to College Green where an unelected Yellow Tory Lord, a Scottish accented English MP, Ian Wallace, and Big Bushy Eyebrows TS debated PMQ and the Morningside Moaner quoted the usual ‘most powerful devolved parliament in the world’ shite again, shouting down Big Tommy, and lying about the SNP wanting to cut Corporation Tax.
            How to save money on LA spending?
            Cut the number of Councils. We have 32, Yorkshire with the same population has 3.
            Root out the hundreds of ‘Directors’ of Social Work, Education, Parks and Gardens, and so on coining in six figure wages and scrap money pits like Arms Length Tony Blair privatisation contracts of essential public services. They bleed money.
            City Car Parks have received 9 years bail outs and has never been in profit. Yet no sign of Parking coming back in house.
            Next May will see a major overhaul, and hopefully not a few police investigations into the corruption and maladministration of Labour Controlled Councils in the West of Scotland, and a few Tory Lib Dem Administrations elsewhere.

  12. The Dug should send a copy of this to Donald Tusk to correct him.
    Trump made a statement blaming British voters for Brexit.
    It was English and Welsh voters who voted majorities for leaving the EU.
    It is a reversal of terms. Ironic!Remember the days when the continentals, encouraged by the Anglo term to denote “British” used the word English and England.
    Well, now we need to remind the continentals to be more analytical in perception.
    As Alyn Smith said in the European parliament, Scotland voted to remain! Tusk needs to he reminded about this!!

  13. Weel said, Dug – and the suiner we hae Tam Devine or Liz Lochheid or their ilk as President the better fur a o us. Lizzie Windsor an a hur hingers-oan can purr aff back tae England.

  14. Hard Brexit by May?
    No, it will be an almighty ejection by the EU after Article 50 is invoked.
    Hammond warned of hard times ahead and he is right.
    But do mot blame the EU. Yet, during the 2014 Scottish referendum, many representatives and world leaders stepped in and swallowed the Westminster, anglo-centric line about the Great UK union. They fell for it. They rubbished the idea that Scotland, already a “member” with EU laws incorporated into its legislature, could remain. Borosso, not sure how to spell his name, was a smirking anglophile.
    The EU in some ways deserves all it gets, but we have shown that the EU is greater than many of its representatives. It transcends the rabble and works to create openness within Europe. It has its faults, but it us not a stultifying incorporating union like the 1707 Union where there is English hegemony and no written constitution.
    The new Scottish MPs are a different group from the yoons. As our Holyrood government reaches out to make formal contact with the EU and the member states, a Scottish perspective and tone is becoming noticeable. England is no longer synonymous for the peoples of the current UK.
    When the UK ko’s itself through Anglo-Welsh exit from the EU, then we north of the Tweed can forge new contacts and rejoin the world community.

  15. Was at the YesHighland event in Inverness last night and it was a delight to hear you speak about your life, so interesting, honest, funny and heart warming.

    I am sure we would all agree that you manage to put into words what a lot of us are thinking but could never manage to write so keep up the good work.

    And the wee ginger dug, he is a big bigger than I imagined!!!

  16. Ah, but while The May is keeping her strategy secret, an idea has been floated by a concerned citizen, of London. Pay for access to the single market for the London Finance industry – who would have thought?

    Pay for Play is the term used in the USA.

    • It is indeed odd that our exit strategy is a secret. Presumably, after Article 50 is triggered, it cannot remain a secret. So, why is it a secret from us now? Y’know from UK citizens? What is the blessed Theresa keeping back from us? Is it the internal party politics of our beloved Conservative cabinet? Or what?

      Too many questions, no answers.

    • As a concerned citizen of planet ‘Elder Scrolls Online’ I think the phrase is ‘Pay to Play’, Which I will be unable to afford in the future. Blessed is Theresa May….

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