I got one of those scamming emails the other day, telling me I’d won millions in a lottery that I’d never entered and to contact someone in Burkina Faso for the details on how to collect my non-existent winnings. It was sent by someone calling himself Mr Dingo Sofa, which is the best name ever. His email address is firstname.lastname@example.org and that of his associate in scamming is email@example.com if you fancy signing them up for stuff. Like, I dunno, press releases from an Australian pet furniture company.
There’s a way you can get your own back on West African scammers, but Scotland got scammed in 2014 and we’re told there’s nothing we can do about it – at least that’s what the scammers say. Mind you, that’s what Dingo Sofa would probably say too. 2014’s scammers had far less amusing names, there’s nothing remotely amusing about Alistair Darling or Blair McDougall, at least not their names, but there’s certainly something we can do about their scamming messages telling us that we could win EU membership, job security, the stability of the pound, the permanence of the Scottish Parliament enshrined in law, and the safety of the NHS in return for a No vote. Instead we got a batshit Brexit, job losses, a pound that makes the Argentinian peso seem like a hard currency, a Sewel Convention that’s meaningless cant, and an NHS that the Tories are hell bent on privatising. Dingo Sofa is a more honest person, at least he’s only pulling the one scam and has the decency to promise untold wealth. The Better Together campaign were only promising that Scotland could have a very basic level of public services and economic security, and they couldn’t even deliver on that.
It would be bad enough if the great Better Together scam of 2014 was the only scam. The really annoying thing is that the Tories have pulled multiple scams, and they’re scamming still. There was of course the great Brexit scam, in which they gave up freedom of movement, put hundreds of thousands of jobs at risk, caused the risk of a 10% reduction in incomes by 2030, and plunged hundreds of thousand of EU citizens into insecurity. But hey. At least we’re going to get blue passports, bent bananas, and fluid ounces back, all of which will come in very handy when we go to war with Spain. The Brexiteers promised to take back control and secure the sovereignty of the British parliament, only for them to use Brexit as a Tory coup d’etat and turn it into absolute power for the Prime Minister and her cabinet appointees. Meanwhile they’ve surrendered control of the UK economy to the remaining 27 EU members, who’re now going to ensure that the UK is stripped of the jobs that depend on access to the EU’s single market. That taking back control meant that they’ve given the EU far more power over the UK than it did before.
But now we’ve taken back control, or at least Theresa May has taken back control from Parliament, she can wield that power wisely to deal with the truly important issues that face us today. Which is a bit of a worry from a person who looks like one of the characters in the Walking Dead who’s been infected with the zombie plague virus and is just waiting to bite the rest of us in the jugular as she goes on a rampage to Gibraltar. She wasn’t overly concerned by the threats of war. She’s not too bothered about denying the democratic right of the Scottish government to fulfil one of the manifesto commitments on which it was elected. She’s certainly not bothered much by the number of children that her government is throwing into poverty. She’s not bothered by the fear and insecurity she’s fostered amongst EU citizens resident in the UK and British citizens resident in other EU countries.
As an aside, can we please stop with the guff that citizens of other countries who live in the UK are migrants, but UK citizens who live in other countries are expats. There is no pissing empire any more. They’re not British expats. They’re migrants. Just because they’re about to get blue passports doesn’t stop them being immigrants in someone else’s country. And perhaps, just perhaps, if our media didn’t foster this ridiculous double standard and admit that there are large British migrant communities abroad, there might be a shade more understanding in the UK of migrant communities here, and Kurdish refugees in Croydon wouldn’t have to worry so much about getting their heads kicked in. A British citizen who lives on the Costas is every bit as much a migrant as a Kurdish asylum seeker in Croydon. Their motives for migrating might be different, but that doesn’t stop them being migrants.
But back to Theresa. Sorry, but we must. She’s not bothered by selling arms to dictators, causing wars that make people flee for their lives and become migrants. She’s not so bothered by Donald Trump that she won’t sook up to him. What she is bothered by is the National Trust supposedly dropping the word Easter from its Easter egg hunt despite the fact that EASTER is by far the largest word on the National Trust’s publicity for the event. She’s bothered by this because she’s a Christian, she says. Although she’s not enough of a Christian to care that the kids living in families on low incomes are seeing those incomes fall even more as a direct result of Theresa’s policies and they won’t be seeing any Easter eggs at all. Still, it’s nice to know that she’s got her priorities right. That’s the Christian message of Easter after all, take chocolate out of the mouths of weans and condemn their families to poverty so you can give a tax break to a millionaire.
Theresa and her egg thieves are about to discover they’re in for a shaming that even Dingo Sofa will escape. Despite the bluff, despite the claims in the friendly press, there’s really very little that she can do to block Scotland from having its say on Brexit and having its say on Theresa. She’s determined to stop us because she knows the verdict will be as harsh as her government is on the poor. But scammers always get caught out in the end, and Theresa’s Tory scammers are about to come crashing down. By the time Scotland’s had its say on the unfolding catastrophe of Brexit, Theresa will be looking to Dingo Sofa as a model of business success.
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