Waiting for the alarm clock

There is a theory that there is an infinite number of universes, that this universe we live in is just one reality in a countless myriad of realities which stretch out forever in the vastness of the possible, as limitless and unending as Ruth Davidson’s estimation of her own ability. If that’s true, then it means that there is no fiction, and there is no imagination, all that can be thought or conceived in the mind is actually happening somewhere in the multiverse. It is as real as the cup of tea you’re drinking. As real as the screen upon which you read these words. Although it’s still true to say that there is no universe anywhere in which Fluffy Mundell does anything useful.

The human brain is has evolved as a glorious device for travelling across the boundaries of different realities, untrammelled by time, untrapped by space. Whenever you dream your mind is falling through different universes in which the absurd is really taking place, where there is no reason or sense, where the ridiculous is truth and the ludicrous is mundane. And then you wake up and turn on the TV news to see the glaikit faces of David Davis and David Mundell and discover that we are in fact living in one of those absurdist universes which the consciousness of someone from a sensible universe comes careening through in their dreams. Then they wake up to tell their significant other about the weird dream they just had, set in a place where nothing made sense.

We’re stuck here and no amount of pulling the duvet over your head will make it go away. You can pinch yourself and all that will happen is you feel even more pain. The only redeeming feature about this bloody dream state of the UK is that it doesn’t have Donald Trump as president. But it does have Theresa May as Prime Minister so that’s not saying much. Sometimes the best you can do is to pull yourself into a foetal ball and gently rock yourself into oblivion.

Before Brexit negotiations started, Theresa May haughtily refused to say what she wanted out of Brexit, refusing to reveal her hand before negotiations started. Unfortunately she’s not prepared to show her hand even after negotiations started. This is not unrelated to the fact that Captain Hook has one more hand than Theresa does. And these are the people who claimed that only they could provide strong and stable government. These are the people who told Scotland that we need the broad shoulders of the UK to support us. We’re governed by a British government which is made up of bunch of clueless opportunists who’re making it all up as they go along, whose idea of success is that they’ll be able to salvage their own careers from the wreckage.

In a sensible universe, the leaders of our government would make careful and detailed preparations for something with such a huge impact as Brexit. There would be briefing papers. There would be policy positions. There would be a bloody plan. But this is a dreamland, and all we have is David Davis with his finger in his ear, making it up as he goes along, and mugging to the camera. Not to have a plan, is the plan. Perhaps our sleepwalking Tory government imagines that by not having a plan the fiendish plans devised by the EU to frustrate the UK plan will be derailed because the UK doesn’t have a plan after all.

Michel Barnier was clearly frustrated by the progress of the talks. “We make better progress when our respective positions are clear,” he said during the press conference after his brief meeting with David Davis. Davie stood there with his finger in his ear, smiling and nodding, although if he really was listening to the simultaneous translation he wouldn’t have been smiling at all. He might as well have been listening to the latest track from Beyoncé on BBC Radio 1, and indeed he possibly was. He certainly wasn’t tuned in to the EU.

According to numerous reports in the press, the EU is finding it impossible to negotiate with the UK because they have no clear idea of what the UK wants to get out of negotiations. But then that’s hardly surprising, because the UK doesn’t have any clear idea of what the UK wants to get out of negotiations. The position of Brexiteers in the government appears to be that the UK needs to leave the EU, not pay any money, but still enjoy all the benefits of EU membership. EU citizens will no longer be free to settle in the UK, but UK citizens should still be free to settle in the EU. The British want something that only exists in one of those surreal universes, only this time not the one which we’re inhabiting.

The only thing that anyone knows for certain about the UK’s position on Europe is that time is running out and the Tory party is far more interested in jockeying for position and briefing against fellow cabinet ministers than in establishing a sensible and realistic position on Brexit. Cabinet infighting has reached such a fever pitch of briefing, counter-briefing, slur, and counter-slur, that the only cabinet member that no one has said a bad word about is David Mundell. But that’s only because no one thinks it’s necessary to slag off a stuffed toy that sits uncomprehendingly in the corner of the room. Although to be honest, a stuffed toy is at least more decorative.

In a statement to the press late this week, environment secretary Michael Gove stated that the cabinet is united on the need for a Brexit transitional period. Michael is probably the only cabinet member who thinks that Theresa May’s cabinet is united, and from his perspective they cabinet is indeed solidly united. But that’s only because they all hate him. This is one of the very few instances in which the rest of the Conservative cabinet has its finger on the pulse of public opinion.

The nightmare continues in its senseless and irrational way. There might not be much we can do to save the UK, but the thing about dreams is that eventually something so stupid, so unexpected, so shocking happens, that you wake up with a start. One day very soon Scotland is going to wake up. The alarm clock will be going off any day now.

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0 thoughts on “Waiting for the alarm clock

  1. Believe me, I have been trying to wake up from this obvious nightmare for so long now that I’m really not sure if I’m writing this comment at all!

    One thing I’m sure of though is the incompetence of these Tories has no end…

    • The extreme, dangerous, bonkers situation we are in makes Alice in Wonderland seem frighteningly predictive to me: Gove – Mad Hatter, Davidson and Johnstone- Tweedledum and Tweedledee, TM- Red Queen and Mundell ….. is exactly the dormouse in the tea pot…… The rest of the world is dealing with crises like refugees, climate change and nuclear stand-offs…. we are in the middle of an insane tea party.

      • Was it not the Red Queen who could believe six impossible things before breakfast ? TM can match her easily since she can believe six impossible things before Brexit.

  2. Pingback: Waiting for the alarm clock | speymouth

  3. And now Aunty Theresa has pulled up her drawbridge (You can now see the water running beneath her legs), and is refusing access to Nicola Sturgeon to have any direct talks with her.
    Instead we have to go through the “Hero of the Union” Fluffy Mundell……what a bloody insult to the people of Scotland

    • The Scottish government is simply going to have to demand direct recognition by the EU and somehow do it’s own deal. At the very least that would give them something definite to get their teeth into while showing up the hopeless state WM has got itself into.

      And honestly the sooner the better, for everyone’s sake. This cannot just be left to drift … up the proverbial creek of odeur without a paddle.

    • The idea that a First Minister – elected by a sovereign people – is on an ‘equal footing’ with someone whose status in the Cabinet of Dr. Cali…sorry…the Cabinet of Greater England is somewhere between that of the tea trolley and that of the Downing Street cat!

      The good thing is that WM’s contempt for Scotland is now becoming so blatant that all but the most brass-plated Yoon can see it.

      • LOL! I said to my husband that Nicola might as well speak to the house of commons cat as those two useless bar stewards.

      • I am not convinced everyone can see it Nigel.

        My experience of blinkered people is that they are so caught up in their vision of the multiverse that they are blind. I know one die hard brexiter. No matter what facts and opinions you put his way he will not accept it.

        • “None so blind…”

          If you think that‘s bad, you should be living down here in EFC (England’s First Colony); the people here will hold still for anything WM and its stooges do to them (whilst claiming to be “Proud to be Welsh, but…”, of course). Remember, they took their desperate desire to be just like the English to the ultimate level last year by imitating their Brexit vote to within a fraction of a percentage point.

          Of course, if we had a real nationalist party like yours…

  4. I dont know about anyone else but i am sick to the back teeth of the Lies , the vague responses to straightforward questions , the total inability to get any tory or indeed any unionist to touch slightly on a truthful answer , The media here is a prime example ,trumpeting the announcement of work on three yes thats ( 3 ) Frigates has started – eh wasnt that supposed to be 13 ? ,I am sure 13 were promised , enough work for decades , it now turns out it is now possibly four years MAX , oh well if thats decades to them we have no problem with a second referendum do we ? ,according to them we are three quarters way there now its three years since the last one ,works both ways . Ruthie .

  5. It gets better.


    Eezypeezylemonsqeezy. That’s yer free trade deal according Liam Fox.

    Easiest to negotiate ever and you can take that to the bank… (cough). Appearing on the same day no less, as Mr Barnier’s statement of frustration and confusion over the UK’s preparedness. One of those two gentlemen is lying an no I’m not taking any bets as to who that may be. The comments BTL on both pieces to be found in the independent from the Brexit support are equally frustrating and confusing. Aye, these folk are convinced that the EU are deluded. That they have certain entitlements. That indeed, Johnny Foreigner is simply trying to punish dear old Blighty.

    The concept of action – consequence – process and legality doesn’t even cross their collective horizon. They believe this negotiation is all about trade and not about the reality, which is settlement. This is about who keeps the house, custody of the Chihuahua, the motor and the CD collection. Who gets a share of what and who pays for what. Who has legal, financial obligations and bills/dues to be met. Who has access to the front and back door keys. That kinda thing.

    Negotiations on future relationships won’t even start till that has been decided.

    The level of delusion and confusion is quite literally off the scale. Said it before, but worth repeating. The decades long narrative of government and media is way beyond control at this point. It did its job of division and misinformation only too well.

    There is only one inevitable outcome to this process and these events. We can choose to be a part of that… or NOT.

      • I choose NOT, but then again I am a NOT person.

        I will NOT ever vote tory, red or blue, or lib dim (no capital letters because that would only make them look important).

        I will NOT pay the TV Licence tax.

        I will NOT believe any MSM stories, in fact I will NOT read, watch or listen to any.

        I will NOT be happy to no longer be an EU citizen.

        I will try NOT to speak unkindly of the Irish Government who are, I am sure, going to reject my application for an Irish passport, my only way, at the moment, of continuing to be an EU citizen until Scotland gains Independence.

        I will NOT, NOT vote SNP and I will NOT, NOT renew my subscription to the SNP.

        I will NOT, NOT cry when Scotland becomes independent because I am a big softy at heart.

        I will NOT, NOT stop reading WGD because Paul writes some fantastic stuff and gets you thinking.

        I will NOT write any more because I am becoming confused with the NOT, NOT bits.

  6. It is also true that the press are reporting from another universe where Brexit is going well, at least reporting what is happening for Scottish readers from that universe where Brexit is going well.
    Because no news is good news and that is what the press for Scotland does, gives us no news so it must be going well.
    I think they think there is another side to Brexit and Scottish Ind that where they are going to arrive in sunny uplands and we won’t remember what they did.

  7. PM May will not meet FM of Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon!

    Step forward a volunteer SNP MSP from the ranks to meet with commoner Mundell and “Lord” Under – Secretary at the Scottish Office – whit’s his name again? – to discuss matters of no importance.

    • I thought maybe one of the cleaners from Holyrood, but then I thought they would be a bit over qualified to talk to Fluffy.

  8. Conversely, I believe the U.K. “plan” to leave the E.U is going exactly the way they want it to go, and that is, it will shortly hit the buffers without any agreement, on any matter, being reached. Cue then an outpouring from the British M.S.M about these “”nasty johnny foreigners”” sending our brave boys home without any deal in place.The cry will be, “we did our best, but they wouldn’t give us everything we wanted”, which basically was everything.
    The “negotiations”, from the U.K delegation are a sham, a smokescreen to delude the unwary into thinking that the politicians involved are making a genuine attempt to reach a workable formula with the 27, when exactly the opposite is true.
    The blame for what will be the worst economic catastrophe to ever take place in the U.K, should be laid at the feet of all of the lying politicians who caused this entirely unnecessary scenario, but of course it won’t be, and once again, it’s real people who will suffer the consequences of their actiions.
    Even if we manage to get another Independence Referendum, and win, this shambles enveloping our nearest neighbours, will effect us all, and for many generations to come.

    • Agree Alex, that is what they want the people to believe, it was all down to them, not us and then, as they will hope people will believe ..we did all that we could expect…roll on the British Empire

  9. This must give Nicola the authority to deal directly with the EU, rather that having to go via the Westminster scumbags.

  10. Wonder if the unionist politicans crowing about Scotland’s First Minister being ‘put in her place’ have thought through the consequences of this action? The defining and labelling of levels, of order.

    The various articles have spookily singled out Nicola Sturgeon, but what of the other legislatures in Wales and N.I.? What does it mean for the post regardless of which party’s representative sits in the chair? You can be the representative voice of your country, but you can’t speak without permission… to anyone… is the endgame.

    I posted a link yesterday which sheds a bit of light on this latest insult to Scotland’s population… HERE.

    “Conferring legal personality upon Scotland would have ‘profound consequences’.”

    THIS is why the readjustment of ‘levels’ and relationship. Lightbulb moment yet? Mists clearing?

    At this point we hark back to what I’ve been saying for some time. Action – consequence – process and legality. When you’re talking about the affairs of nations, EVERYTHING carries legal weight. Every word, every action. Nothing is beyond legal consequences.

    Ms May is a crippled PM attempting to stay in the big chair and looking upon a UK equally as crippled and on the brink of societal, political and economic disaster. That the UK finds itself in this position mainly and DIRECTLY due to the actions of politics as it is practised by both Conservative and Labour governments is neither here nor there about now. Knowing the whys won’t help Ms May, but they will motivate her actions and those of her government. Crippled and weakened they may be, but helpless they are not.

    They are desperate. Desperate enough to insult their partner’s populations in an attempt to redefine the UKs unwritten constitution. Courage has nothing to do with this latest move. Fear does. A great deal of fear.

    Perhaps those wallowing and glorying in their cringe should stop for a moment and consider a few things. Y’know, inbetween bouts of ignorance and apology over Scots achievements and aspirations, they should perhaps ask themselves if the actions of their UK government still inspire pride? The next question they should consider is what ‘level’ of citizen do they consider themselves to be in this union, in this ‘partnership’? If you’re not an equal, what are you?

    • Indeed,Sam.
      When I logged on today, the usual tiresome clickbait thickets through which I must hack to get to the Fortress of Solitude that is WGD included the headline that travellers to the Continent are being offered 88 cents to the pound as they head off for the Costas and their Year In Provence gites.
      The downgrading of NS and the Scottish Government is of course deliberate, and its intended insult in designed to put us all in our place.
      Nicola Sturgeon and Mike Russell are expected to present themselves to Mundell and the newest elevated Lord Ian Duncan, who presumably will (or not) bring them up to speed on Davis’ latest fuck up in Brussels, and how much tainted Texas beef we will be forced to import, while our Leave/ No farmers sit by helplessly and chant ‘Jerusalem’ at the top of their voices.

      I repeat. Softly softly, catchee monkey.
      It is a good game played slow.

      There will be no need to resort to UDI, or armed insurrection, to free Scotland.

      Ruth, Kezia, and Rennie, will do the job for us.

      The first fortnight in August will be a game changer as the £250,000 a year BBC Breakfast presenter relays tales of woe and the 8 euro for a pint of Watney’s in Cos, live on Skype from the ‘double the price since last year’ Sussex sun worshippers.
      The ennobling of Ian Duncan tells us what they are thinking. David Mundell is as thick as pig shit, so he needed a 24 hour carer.
      I am done here for the moment.
      Ruth Davidson is killing 10’s thousands of Scots.
      It has to stop now.
      Boy, Blackpool, Whitley Bay and Eatbourne are gonna be busy net summer. I must remember to book early.

      • I just read this on the Independence Really Useful Facts FB page.


        To claim our right to independence we need the backing of a majority of the Scottish people, we don’t need a formal referendum and the agreement of Theresa May to issue a Section 30 order, handing powers to the devolved parliament to make our claim. The people themselves can provide the evidence that there is a desire for independence.

        In the early 1950’s Dr John MacCormick, drew up a Covenant demanding a Scottish parliament.

        “Born in Glasgow, MacCormick studied Law at the University and became involved in politics there. In 1927 he founded the Glasgow University Scottish Nationalist Association. He became National Secretary of the National Party of Scotland and in 1934 was instrumental in forming the Scottish National Party with the merger of the NPS and the Scottish Party. In 1942 he left the SNP to form the Scottish Convention, and in 1951 he founded the Scottish Covenant Association to campaign for a Scottish parliament within the United Kingdom.

        His younger son, Sir Neil MacCormick, was also a prominent graduate of the University, lawyer and SNP Member of the European Parliament.”

        People from every town and village in the land, proclaimed by their signatures, their faith in their Scottish Nationhood. In less than six months the covenant had collected over a million signatures. It collected over two million in all, over half of Scotland’s voting population at the time.

        The Labour Government in power when the covenant was completed, ignored it and the document is now buried in the National Archives either at Kew or Edinburgh. Our Scottish Government today, would be more mindful of the wishes of the Scottish people.

        Should the Scottish people now present an Independence covenant for signatures? The Covenant would be delivered to the the Scottish Government to be presented to the Queen. There were over 1.6 million Scots voted for independence in 2014, if just over a million of us could collect 4 signatures (on paper) we would have our majority.

        The Covenant would need to be prepared by a lawyer knowledgable in Constitutional Law and need national organisers to bring everyone together.

        In view of Theresa May’s recent insult to our First Minister and therefore the Scottish people, should the Scottish people now play a bigger part in determining Scotland’s future?”

        • Small caveat Annie. Because of the nature of our parliamentary democracy (and I use that word advisedly), we do so through specific manifesto pledge and/or specific ballot (see under referendum).

          But you are correct, all that is and has ever been required, is that a majority of the Scottish electorate request of their representatives to end the union of parliaments. We CANNOT vote for/ request alteration of the Scotland bill or devolution package. That is in the gift and remit of Westminster only and also requires the agreement of the peoples of the UK, their representative parliamentary politicians and so on. The Scottish electorate can only choose to continue or end the parliamentary union. Pretty much why devo max was never, EVER on the table or going to fly at all in fact.

          If Scottish citizens are quite done with the ongoing clusterf**k that is Westminster government and practice of politics, we can return the full powers of statehood to our country at any time of our choosing.

  11. Great post Paul. It does seem the UK has been become a scarier place in recent weeks. I’ve been watching a lot of a dystopian sci-fi series recently but even that universe seems more friendly than the one we are currently living in. The contempt the Tory morons are showing towards the Scottish government and people who live in Scotland is disgraceful. I sincerely hope more people begin to see the light and give their support for Independence. I have sent a wee donation to your crowdfunding campaign and will send more in a few weeks. I really look forward to reading your blogs. I also intend to donate to SNP funds although I am not a member and I would encourage others who can afford it to do so. I am hearing from SNP party members that the coffers are bare and they badly need money to have any chance of fighting a good campaign in a future general election. There is no doubt that Theresa May is a dead woman walking and I expect another election within the next year. We have to make sure we have a chance of winning back some of the seats we lost and of course protecting those we still have.

  12. Great article from the dug, especially about the parallel universe. I strayed into this earlier watching Andrew Marr and cronies (why do I bother, already taking pills for blood pressure). During a discussion on the papers, they were all raving about Ruth Davidson and a paper she has written in something called Unherd (not about buffallos, then) entitled Rebooting Capitalism.
    Apparently Ruth is a top thinker about Capitalism, Economics etc and could be next Tory leader but one. Article was about the Australian who invented the container and container ship, as well as selected thoughts from Adam Smith.
    If this is what passes for reasoned political debate in England, I think Ruth will fit in extremely well. Let’s just get Scotland out of the mess first.

  13. Be assured Davidson did not write that article termed Unheard.She is neither a scholar nor academic. She is a cheap opportunist, nothing more and only too ready to put her name to the article, “for the wider good of the party”, she would reason.

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