Golf club rules

It’s getting more and more difficult to come up with novel and witty descriptions of the many splendoured screw up that is our Conservative government. While the SNP government in Holyrood gets castigated and thrashed in the press for being less than perfect, even when the Scottish public service in question is out-performing its equivalents in England and Wales which are run by the Conservatives and Labour, the Tories in Westminster can’t even aspire to incompetence. There are toddlers in a playgroup smearing face paint all over the furniture who are more capable of painting a picture of the future path of the UK than this shower of self-serving careerists in the cabinet.

First Philip Hammond said that there was agreement on a transitional deal for the UK once it leaves the EU, in order to allow the smooth passage of British goods and services to the rest of the EU. Phil said that the deal would be some off the shelf arrangement similar to that which Norway has. Then up popped Liam Fox to insist that there was no agreement at all. Our warring cabinet members can’t even agree on whether they agree, never mind agreeing on the content of any such agreement. Is Britain going to arrange a transitional deal to soften the blow of a sharp exit from the EU? Your guess is as good as anyone else’s. Personally I reckon we ought to ask the finger painting toddlers, because anything that they can come up with is a picture of hyperrealistic clarity in comparison to anything that comes out of our Conservative government.

Meanwhile, according to a leaked interview with the Wall Street Journal which was never used, Donald Trump has decided to weigh in on the Scottish independence debate. The be-cheetoed Prez doesn’t want us to have another vote, because apparently we just went through hell. Possibly he was referring to the latest episode of River City, or maybe it was that photo of Ruth Davidson posing in an army uniform. The nature of the hell was left unclear. It may have been the howls of typically Scottish abuse that greeted the Donald the last time that he set foot in this hellish country. Whatever it was, it was hell, just like the Bowling Green Massacre which only exists in the imaginations of Trump supporters. It was hell just like that Pizzagate episode. It was hell just like whatever it was that was going on in Sweden that Donald thought was hell. Only that turned out to be the early rounds of choosing the Swedish entry for the Eurovision Song Contest. Maybe the Donald has heard of an undiscovered Sydney Devine track where he’s doing a duet with Fran and Anna? We should all take to the hills.

According to Donald, after Scotland had so narrowly survived some unspecified hell, it would be terrible if Scotland was to vote for independence. Bigly terrible. Sad. If Scotland became independent what would happen to the only thing about this country that the Donald cares about? Independence would mean Scottish golf courses might no longer be able to host the British Open. He was of course thinking about his own golf courses, naturally. The president of the USA thinks of us as nothing more than a caddy for his golf clubs. But if something is bad for the Donald, the chances are that it’s good for the rest of us. Thank you so much for your public opposition to Scottish independence Donald, support for independence has just increased by a few percentage points. As I’m always pointing out to American friends, Scotland hated Donald Trump long before it was fashionable.

It’s this same president that the UK government is relying on for a trade deal to save Britain from the consequences of Brexit. In the UK we can’t even sit back and enjoy our traditional self-righteous superiority at American idiocy because our government is every bit as bad. We’ve got Liam Fox and Michael Gove. At least the Americans have only got the one deluded idiot in charge, in the UK we’ve got a cabinet full of deluded idiots and no one in charge at all.

Donald’s relationship to the truth is very much like Ruth Davidson’s relationship to policy. For Donald, truth is the single minded promotion of all things Donald, which is much the same as Ruth Davidson’s approach to the Scottish Conservatives as a vehicle for her own single minded self-promotion. Although to be fair, Ruth does have a policy. It’s the same policy for everything. No matter what the topic, no matter what the subject, no matter what the service, it can be answered by saying no to another referendum.

Like Donald, Ruth also believes that Scotland went through hell, and that’s a piece of fake news that she will promote at all and any opportunities she can get. Which is a fair few. And to be fair, it must have been pretty hellish for Scottish Tories. For generations they were able to pontificate in golf club bars about the too wee-ness, too poor-ness and too stupidness of Scotland without fear of being contradicted, and then along comes an independence referendum and loads of people pop up to tell them that they’re talking shite. There is nothing more frightening to the privileged than the fear that they’re going to lose their privileges. There’s nothing more divisive to a golf club bar bore than someone challenging him when he’d previously been allowed a clear field. That’s the divisiveness that Ruth and her pals keep talking about, before the referendum Unionists had the field to themselves. Independence was not considered a mainstream idea. Now it is, and they don’t like it.

The Unionists parties would be quite happy for Scotland to be nothing more than a caddy for Donald’s golf clubs and a caddy for the UK’s nukes. What they don’t want is for Scotland to be able to define itself and to choose its own direction. The problem is that they don’t have the foggiest idea what direction they want the UK to go in, but they’re insistent that Scotland has to tag along, into the unknown, tied to a bunch of careerists and a golf course bore while they spout off in the bar. It’s time Scotland stopped playing by their golf club rules and played by its own rules.

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0 thoughts on “Golf club rules

  1. Oh, this is a keeper Paul – absolutely brilliant!! Really made me laugh.

    A big thank you to Donald Trump for giving the cause of independence a much needed boost. So we won’t be able to host the British Open? Oh dear, what a pity, never mind lol!

    • Yes, Mr Kavanagh has done a real service over this ‘silly season’ period when we have seen so much posturing, pontificating, bitching, bad-mouthing, etc. amongst various supporters of independence, by maintaining an eminently sensible and good natured stream of insightful posts.

      Well done, sir.

  2. I howled and drummed my heels with laughter reading this one, Paul. An absolute classic and every word of it right on the money. Who would ever have thought we’d have cause to be grateful to Trumpelthinskin? 😀

  3. Pingback: Golf club rules | speymouth

  4. Your superiors Unionists are doing quite well ,why dont you bloody Nats just bugger off , or words to that effect , it must be like a Barrett Hoose you cant get bloody rid of them . and it scares them .

  5. That’s the thing about democracy? You get to disagree with folk. What yer workaday Yoon calls democracy is anything but. In their version of democracy the ability to answer back, to challenge, to question, is pure evil divisiveness so it is.

    Worse when your average unwashed scum do the challenging and questioning apparently. This probably answers a lot of questions as to why the poor, the disabled, the disadvantaged, the other sort in life tend to be the fav go to victims of those and such as those.

    True democracy has one other thing going for it. -ACCOUNTABILITY-

    If you don’t or won’t deliver on your balloted pledges, your covenant with the population. If you mislead, lie to, abuse the trust of your electorate, then said population reserves the right to hand you your arse on a platter.

    Better Together and HMG misled the Scottish electorate, both natural born and new Scot alike. They sold a false bill of goods on their ‘vision’ of the political union going forward from devolution through to international relations (see under bestest devolution to the max ever and Brexit). In a true democracy, the population get to give their view and review on the ‘winning’ team’s record of delivery. In a true democracy, the population are given the opportunity to endorse or revoke the mandate they gave based on results achieved.

    But then, that’s the point of the establishment’s rant isn’t it? They’re afraid to go back to the population and ask for their views on the record of delivery to date.

    Ergo – democracy is what they say it is.

    As for Mr Trump and his statement? I’m sure the Scottish government will take his deeply considered and well thought out opinion under advisement. (cough)

    He’s aware of the home of ‘The Open’, right?

    • Correct, Sam. The first ‘Open Championship’ was organised and first held at Prestwick, 1860, and when it mushroomed, St Andrew’s and Edinburgh joined forces with Prestwick.
      It wasn’t until the mid 1890’s that the tournament was held outside Scotland, in England.
      Butthat’s fake history,is it not?
      There is technically no such thing as the ‘British’ Open.
      The tournament is simply ‘The Open Championship’
      Other ‘Open’ tournaments throughout the world prefix the title of their competition with the nation where the tourney is held.
      Hence the US Open and so on.
      I am heartened that Trump thinks independence is a Bad Idea.
      What an endorsement.
      It is rumoured that David Bowie wrote single lines of a potential song on separate bits of paper, threw them in the air, collected them and wrote out the randomly ordered lines on a sheet of A4. Hey presto, a hit.
      Perhaps that is what the Brexit Team should do.
      I still think the finger painters would make a better job of it, Paul.
      Madness stalks the green lanes of Old England.
      May will be toast in October, and will get the blame for everything.
      By next summer we will all know what a coo’s erse they have made of Brexit, in good time to hold Indyref 2 in October 2019.
      The Open franchise is Scottish, and that’s an end to it.

  6. Now don’t you be concerned about the British Open Donald, following Scotland’s independence it could be called the British Open (dim), just as in music where Ddim, (diminished) is the still a D chord, just taken down a note or two.

    • D = Doric. How appropriate given the location of his course at Menie. Donald’s probably afraid an independent Scotland might nationalise his course, and he certainly won’t understand the ‘Doric’ joke.

  7. I follow a lot of Brexit stuff from WM and the EU. You nailed it Paul. Our friends over the water are totally dismayed by our incompetence. Surely a reasonable percentage of ‘leave’ voters are starting to see chaos in all it’s glory.

    How the Yoon parties in Scotland can rabbit on still about the uncertainty of Scottish independence is beyond me. Brexit is a totally new level of yukness.

  8. Is Britain going to arrange a transitional deal to soften the blow of a sharp exit from the EU? Well actually it isn’t up to Britain, it is up to the EU27.

    A transitional deal was discussed by the EU Parliament but it was specifically not included in the terms of the “divorce” that Barnier is working to right now.

    If (and it is a very big if) enough progress is made on the current negotiations a Transitional Period may be considered in the Future Relations/Trade Agreement Phase.

    As far as I can tell, the chances of a Transitional Deal recede every time one of the Brexit Crew opens his or her mouth.

    • Yesterday irish Taoiseach leo varadkar made an interesting statement

      “The challenge in our generation is Brexit. The Brexit negotiations are well underway in Brussels. And, to quote Michel Barnier, the clock is ticking.

      Every single aspect of life in Northern Ireland could be affected by the outcome – jobs and the economy, the border, citizens rights, cross border workers, travel, trade, agriculture, energy, fisheries, aviation, EU funding, tourism, public services, the list goes on.

      In October, I will sit around the European Council table with 26 other Prime Ministers and we will decide together whether sufficient progress has been made on three key issues to allow the Brexit negotiations to proceed to the next phase.

      Those three key issues are citizens’ rights, the financial settlement and issues relating to Ireland

      “Time is running out” he said , “and I fear there will be no extra time allowed”.'s_Speeches/Speech_by_the_Taoiseach_Mr_Leo_Varadkar_TD_Queen_s_University_Friday_4_August_2017_-_The_Future_of_Relationships_North_and_South_.html

  9. A star turn, as usual sir.. Thank-you..

    Worrying news that our population reaches a record high methinks..

    46,300 potential no voters enter the country this year alone from the rest of the UK on top of a rising amount in the last few years..

    37 odd thousand leave(give up\don’t care)- leaves us with the dilemma – using the current franchise anyway, that we may not win with another indie ref…

    We really need to look at the franchise IMO, as history shows with the ‘britsablishment’ these are effective ways to colonise a land. Wales, N.Ireland..

    It would be Scots born and those living here for say 10 years or more.. If I were in charge.. No 2nd home owners and old english pensioners complying with the above, get 1 vote between 2!!

    On a recent city break to auld reekie, I had the misfortune of jumping a bus out to stockbridge after reading some online travel guide.. Swanky deli’s, cheese shops, vintage clothing costing many times more than it did originally, and hardly a Scots accent to be heard.. Had to check the ticket said lothian buses as I could have easily been in London somewhere..

    • So what would you do about folk like me, Mr MacDonald? English born, married to a Scot and lived in Scotland with Hubby for 22 years before we came out to join family in Canada? We are both SNP members and fervent supporters of Independence. I can’t be the only person of my ilk … would you stop us from voting, too? Or would it only apply to those who might not vote the way you want? I hope and trust that you meant this jokingly – but if you didn’t – well, “that way madness lies”!

    • Despite having been brought up, educated, worked, lived and retired in the north east of Scotland for all but the first seven years of my life, when I open my mouth you will hear remnants of my parent’s accents. One of my neighbours and friends speaks broad cockney with which he mangles many a couthy phrase because, he says, there are many words, often weather related – surprise, surprise, which require a whole sentence in Englandese. So, please, don’t raise the spectre of cultural intolerance because, at some point in the dim and distant past as the glaciers retreated and a group of people dressed in furs paddled a dugout canoe along the Scottish coastline, we are all incomers.

      Many of the incomers, especially our European friends, are worried and horrified about Brexit and, given a chance, will vote for Scotland to become and independent country. So, if possible, give them the chance to do so.

      • The European friends are extremely important in Indyref2 because they are obviously going to vote Yes this time. The European Citizens for an Independent Scotland are a large and extremely well organised group.

      • My apologies Bedelsten if I came across this way on re-reading it does sound a bit off..

        An ugly subject no doubt however we ignore it at our peril.

        Cultural intolerance is not what I want to raise but the methods used in the past to complete colonisation and subtle similarities IMO that are currently happening here..
        The survey supports this without saying which way people will actually vote, in my experience people like yourself and O.C.W. are in a minority in coming from the rest of the UK and supporting independence for Scotland.

        I live in an area that has seen many from mainly England and NI come to stay here, really decent folk most of them but fervently against a yes vote..
        I think it will be difficult enough to get the yes vote through without us having an open door to as many no voters as the rest of the UK can muster.

        Our EU residents wish us back in EU, there is no doubt, however the all inclusive happy-clappy approach didn’t work last time, and this time round the rest of the UK migrants will out number those from EU.

        I feel we need to be not so loose with the franchise this time round, it is all too easy to manipulate, and we cannot afford to give the other side the benefit of that.

        English people are resented here..the same as anyone, anywhere would be if they disproportionately took most of the management positions in large companies with operations in Scotland- this was the case in a place I previously worked-

        Anyone is resented locally for buying up property to provide a second home for pleasure/profit whilst outstripping local affordability and removing the chance for local families to have a home.. I personally resent them for ever having invented cricket, but I digress..
        These we have let slide for many a year, but to learn that these are also a large demographic that voted no last time while they still reap the benefits of life up here is just taking the piss.. It may be hard to swallow but it just so happens most are English, but not because they are
        I remember during the last campaign when asda et all were deserting us, I thought go then, GTF, we don’t want companies like you in an independent Scotland. I would say the same to anyone, not from here, undermining our efforts to
        be a successful nation when we are independent, why should we encourage these folk by leaving the franchise so open again before hand?
        There are plenty of good companies will be lining up to sell us grub if asda goes, just as there will be plenty such as yourselves lining up to build a better Scotland – but to say all living and working in Scotland again is playing into the establishment’s hands and this population survey points that way for me.

        • I think you make some fair points, and maybe we shouldn’t be too squeamish to talk about it.

          I’ll be completely honest here, I have also noticed far more English accents than I used to, and I only live in Paisley… There seems an abundance of such people in the city centre of Glasgow also – but it’s nigh on impossible to guess how many of them are tourists as opposed to residents.

          It does feel as if it could diminish the chances of indy, especially if we look at Wales. I also appreciate the hand-wringing concern that we musy always be super accommodating and so forth – and I expect Scotland to be exactly that. I’d also suggest that if we can get Scots/long-term new Scots to vote 60 or 65% for indy, the incomers won’t be able to prevent it. We’ll also be accused of allsorts if we alter the franchise from last time – but we get accused of allsorts anyway!

          I think there’s a strong case for a minimum period of residency – ten is longer than it needs to be in my opinion. I’d go for seven, because it guarantees that everyone voting was resident BEFORE the previous referendum. There’s some sense in that, if you follow my logic. My only exception to this would be returning Scots – they should get a vote even if they only returned just in time for the cut-off.

          The idea of a second but very narrow defeat is horrific. Scotland will then be destroyed by the establishment. All the good work rebuilding industry and the economy will be reversed. Scotland will fall into malaise, the people will be depressed. Pride in our nation will evaporate. Picture in your mind that frequently used photo of smug Britnats cheering in some suite in a hotel somewhere, the one with a geeky looking speccy guy visibly prominent. For some reason that particular photo bothers me more than the photos of the Freedom Square knuckle-draggers. It’s such a hollow victory they won. It makes me sick.

          We must ensure this does not happen. It cannot happen. We cannot allow our democratic voice to be supressed, dragged out of the EU which to a large extent has been key in allowing us to rebuild after Thatcher. We voted against it all and here we are, deemed subservient and just a UK headcount – not a nation. The idea of a recently arrived (should that read supplanted) population denying us is too much for me.

          It’s true in this sense that we’d also deny the vote to many more recently arrived EU friends (I have some – we all do) but then again – EU nationals surely haven’t been queueing up to live here since June 24th 2016.

          I’m sorry to say all this, I know it rubs against the grain of general Yes movement thought, but maybe we are kidding ourselves that there is not some hidden concerted effort to load the voters roll with committed nawbags. 🙁

          • Thanks Az, you add some fair points, 7 years minimum residency makes good sense when put like that.. I would go with that-

            ‘picture in your mind’.. Ah, I see you get these visions too…?(!!)

            Guga.. I too haven’t heard of, or seen, a gigot chop in ages.. 2 each for me and Guga!!

    • Yes haven’t had a chance to catch up with news re population. I wonder why folks are coming up to Scotland in such numbers, let me think now. For one thing, houses in some rural areas especially are daft prices, so lots second homes well off or very well off fancy Scotland and free prescriptions, free tuition for their kids etc, and retirees, but also some must be moving to Scotland for jobs. Most hosp consultants are English, not heard many Scottish ones anyway.

      Jamie I came to Scotland 28 yrs ago, from NE Eng, have loved living here. And, a long term resident of the ‘village’ of Stockbridge. It has changed, a lot I guess and become much more expensive. We do not have a good veg shop even, and it is lacking in diversity, in many ways. You do hear Scottish accents, but on a weekend, nearly all English. But it’s not the fact they are English, but mostly very posh sounding, you see a lot of very well off, mummy and daddy bought us a flat, types.

      We have had some dirty looks when wearing yes badges, and chewing gum and fag ends and spitting at the door because we have SNP stickers showing. Wonder who given the type of area!

      Definitely need to look at who gets to vote in the next referendum as you say. Far far too many under occupied, or empty, but big new town flats, owned by people who do not live here. That really annoys the hell out of me, because call me paranoid but on the day of the GE in June, you could hardly move for massive Porsches, more than the usual!

      As an aside I was at a local supermarket recently when a guy left his card in the machine, so nice young man behind counter ran after him, said he got no thanks and when I asked who they were he said, they are always rude to shop staff and from local very expensive private school. He also said they even steal and have had police out for them! Nice law abiding sorts eh!

      • Thanks Hetty, interesting anecdote to my experience of your ‘village’ . you are so right but- the veg shop is great!

        My home village has a bus stop, er and a phone box!,- at one time also had a primary school, a shop, a post office, a garage and even a train station- many moons ago.. The current demographics won’t turn it around either.

        Had our wee hols in NE England a couple of times, when the kids were wee, Cresswell and Whitley bay – loved it there, great landscapes and coasts and always made welcome by folks..

        That is why I compared stockbridge with London, I have never felt particularly welcome there..

        Wished I had bumped into you now!

        • Yes and there are a few Yessers in Stockbridge. 😉
          Shame didn’t know you were here, we would have welcomed you.

          NE Eng. has some great people, and places to visit. Scotland has by far, more that interests me in terms of landscapes, towns and cities though, if finances allow, always go on holidays here, and haven’t seen half of Scotland yet.

  10. We could, I suppose, express our gratitude to the current president of the united states of America for expressing his opinion on Scotland for we are an ignorant nation and will benefit from his gilded guidance. Should you wish to refresh yourselves of his beneficence and have a spare one hundred minutes, avail yourself of this

  11. The moment it looks like indyref2 is on the imps will go running to trump just like with obama during indyref1 all to stop us getting independence even though they hate scotland and dont even hide it

  12. Sorry to offend O.C.W. that bit was a joke, but the main issue needs addressed otherwise we could be simply out voted by more 2nd home owners, students, workers on 2year contracts etc.. If you are in Canada do you get a vote in any indie ref2 anyway?(excuse my ignorance..)

  13. Off topic, but are there any Gaelic speakers on here? If there are, can you give me the phonetic pronunciation for Saor Alba Gu Brath please.

    • Unlike our esteemed host, I’m not a native speaker, so I’ve checked with the online dictionary, which also has sound files. The first sound file is actually a place name, but the last word is pronounced exactly the same as _saor_ ‘free’.

      So, IPA if that means anything to you : /sɯːr ‘aLabə gə ‘braːx/

      Sound files : ‘… saor’
      ‘gu brath’

      The dictionary is at :

      • I’m really struggling to learn Spanish. Looking at your dictionary link, I think I would have no chance with Gaelic!

        • Don’t sweat it. Don’t worry too much about making mistakes. Spanish people are very forgiving and really appreciate it when foreigners make the effort to speak Spanish.

          • You’re right Paul, the Spanish people are great. I think the main trouble is that I live in Andalucía and so I can speak them, but I don’t understand their answers! The Andaluces apparently speak the worst Spanish! My teacher is from Madrid and says that she can’t understand a word her father-in-law says; he’s from Almería!

        • FWIW I made a silly mistake in my Gaelic reply to WGD above, so that’s my credibility blown. But seriously, all languages have their strange ways which you come to love and hate, bit like people really. But our brains are made to deal with a messy world, it’s what we find interesting, total regularity bore us out of our minds. So just bash on and do your best, that’s all anyone can do. Good luck 🙂

          • I won’t give up, it’s not in my thrawn Scottish nature to do that lol! If nothing else it keeps my 70 year old brain active.

          • It’s nice now that there are resources that give the spoken language alongside the written form. I admit that although I know the language quite well, and understand how it’s pronounced, I’ve had very little practise in making sense of spoken Gaelic. Simply because the chances of hearing it spoken “in the wild” are very small. This in unfortunate.

            It was happening to overhear a Gaelic conversation, years ago, somewhere near Ardnamurchan, that inspired me to begin learning the language, and it was a long time before I realised how unusual that was. I was sitting in a vehicle at the time, so it’s quite possible that the speakers were unaware of my presence.

            Later on, when I already knew some Gaelic, I spent a few days on Barra, but scarcely heard any Gaelic at all, indeed once when a child spoke the language to her parents in front of us, she was immediately scolded and told to use English. All a bit depressing really, a sort of special version of The Scottish Cringe. Why take the trouble to learn a language when it’s own speakers despise it? I came back to it eventually of course, but that event really sapped my enthusiasm for a while.

          • I can well imagine how depressing that must have been. My husband had no English at all until he went to school, where he was punished for speaking Gaelic and very quickly learned to converse in English! English was rarely spoken in my mother-in-law’s home but because of the educational system Hubby never learned to read and write in Gaelic – so when I started to learn he was rarely able to help me. My Gaelic remains rudimentary and as my husband rarely has the opportunity to speak his cradle language he is fast losing the finer nuances. It’s a crying shame!

          • Is duilich leam sin a chluintinn, mar a theirear, “use it or lose it”. But please don’t give up, who knows just the odd word here or there might be enough to set someone off.

          • They might have thought that they were extending a courtesy to you by conversing in a way that you understood? Many years ago as a student I encountered a small group of Gaelic speaking students who made a point of speaking Gaelic when joined by non-Gaelic speakers as a way of excluding. Your encounter in Barra with Gaelic speakers in their own environment might have been intended as an act of politeness to you? Just a thought.

          • Indeed but something I did notice was this. When walking around as a visitor on small islands in Ireland and in Shetland, locals would often greet you with a ‘good day’ or equivalent when they passed, whereas on Barra only other tourists would speak to us, the natives literally passed on the other side and avoided eye contact.

  14. For more on the Donald and golf, read this article that just appeared in Golf Magazine: First Golfer: Donald Trump’s relationship with golf has never been more complicated

    Trump’s golf business has also created various complications domestically. Going back to 1998, Trump Organization properties have been involved in at least 98 lawsuits. Trump has sued more than half a dozen municipalities, seeking to have the property taxes on his courses lowered. (One exception is the Bedminster course, at which a small herd of penned goats allows Trump to take a tax credit for “agricultural use.”)

    • Even when we are independent Trump can still host the Open. We will still be the British Isles. Just not part of the UK or Great Britain (we stopped being great from 1918).

  15. With regard to the colonization of Scotland, it still continues to this day. We have the situation where the top men in Police Scotland are all English, the top firemen are English, the senior people in many, if not most Scottish government organizations are English, and the same is true for non-government organizations (which are largely funded by the Scottish government). Even the head of the Edinburgh Military Tattoo is English.

    This situation is exactly the same as existed in all the former English colonies, e.g. India, Malaya etc. etc. where the top men running these countries infrastructures were all English. So, in fact, Scotland is still being run as an English colony. However, there is no way that I, or many others, can be convinced that we, in Scotland, don’t have clever enough people to run our own infrastructure – despite the Tories and their ilk being convinced that we are too wee, too poor and too stupid to do so.

    As regards to voting rights in Scotland, these should not be extended to people who are not permanent residents of Scotland. That includes foreigners with holiday homes in Scotland, foreigners that have not lived permanently in Scotland for at least five years, foreign students that attend Scottish universities before fleeing back to England with their degrees in the History of Art and similar, and foreign troops posted temporarily to Scotland. These foreigners are entitled to get postal votes for their home districts in England, they are not entitled to have a vote in Scotland.

    Another problem is with the creeping anglicization of Scotland. I see, for example, the likes of Tesco selling “Leg of Lamb Steaks”. What they are selling were always known in Scotland as Gigot Chops, not bloody leg of lamb steaks. We have even had the examples of supermarkets selling things for controlling hard water in kettles and similar, as their English head offices, like true colonial masters, decide what is good for Scotland, whether we in Scotland need it or not. All of this creeping anglicization is not helped by the fact that the mass media, including the EBC and all the other TV channels, are all English owned and English controlled. Nor is it helped by the many Quislings who are happy to continue to tug their forelocks and bend their knee to their English masters.

    As to these foreigners moving to Scotland, they do so because they make a fortune from selling their over-priced English houses and buying much cheaper houses here. They bring their foreign culture with them, and even try to take over local institutions, clubs etc. (like true colonists). Many of them do not like the Scots, and do not mix with them. They pretend not to understand local accents (though we are expected to understand their foreign accents). I have been told many times by one of these foreigners that they can’t understand a word I am saying. However, in return I say to them that I’m sorry, I can’t understand a word they are saying.

    With a bit of luck, all these foreigners that come to our country and treat it as a colony of England, will pack their bags and head for home when we finally regain our independence. I should point out though, I am quite happy for any foreigner to stay in Scotland if they want to help Scotland, and do not have a colonial mind set.

    • I’d be tempted to say something extremely offensive in reply to that “I can’t understand a word you’re saying” line. Not aggressively, just a line of absolutely horrific insult. When the face reveals they do understand after all “aye ye unnerstood that awrite ya f#@* $^&% £$%”.

      Of all things, I really hate being patronised.

    • I know that this post is too long, but I’m getting really paranoid.

      It’s the August Bank Holiday weekend.

      It’s the first fortnight in August.

      England is shut for two weeks.

      Traffic gridlock on the A30 in Cornwall, Heathrow and Gatwick choking to death as hordes of perspiring holiday makers bed down in terminal waiting areas as ‘planes are delayed, cancelled, rescheduled, and Johnny Foreigner gives the English sunseekers a taste of life after April 2019 by imposing passport checks and subsequent long queues at Arrivals Desks on the continent.

      The London Dead Tree Scrolls will have a field day lambasting those bloody Europeans, which England definitely is not, European that is.

      It is at this time of year that the ‘difference’ between Scotland and England is most stark.

      As I write, just before nine on a drizzly chilly Glasgow morning, parents the length and breadth of Scotland are preparing their kids to go back to school, which is a mere fortnight away.

      By now the red ‘X’s’ on the kitchen calendar cover 2/3 of the six week summer break, and with guilty reflection, many adults sigh with relief that the end is in sight.

      The 70th Edinburgh Festival is about to get underway.

      It is no accident that this CultureFest is timed at the beginning of England’s summer fortnight At Play.

      On the other hand, summer in Scotland is rapidly drawing to a close. I’ll be donning my quilted anorak this morning to venture out for the morning rolls. The football season starts tomorrow.

      But, England, and by ‘England’ I really mean the SE of England, is just getting into the holiday spirit; well, The Lake District, or Durham, not so much.

      ‘The weather where we are’ is generally 5 to 10 degrees colder, the rain wetter, the wind chillier, the days darker, than High Summer in the arrogantly titled ‘Home Counties’.

      There will be hundreds of thousands of English, and, at least for the next eighteen months, lots of our European neighbours, visiting Scotland this month.
      Edinburgh in particular will be jammed pack.

      Happy Days.
      Hotels will be full, B&B’s churning out Full Scottish by the platesload, families in their highland Log Cabins are stirring and marvelling rather unconvincingly at the Scotch Mist and drizzle down in the glen, and throwing another log on the fire.
      For once, the money will be flowing Northwards instead of Southwards to London. Kerching!
      Now, as some may know, I have travelled a fair bit through these Isles on work and occasionally for pleasure.

      It may be an unwritten rule universally observed, but BBC Breakfast seems to be required viewing in hotel and B&B dining rooms.

      I’ve caught ‘news where you are’ in all the ‘regions’, The ‘North West’, ‘The West Midlands’, and so on.
      You get a brief flavour in3 minutes about what’s going on in Newcastle, Torquay, Belfast. Fair enough as far as it goes, which isn’t as far as the distance between the ‘b’ and ‘n’ in the previous word.
      But at least you get an inkling of local issues.

      Back to the Edinburgh Festival.

      Like the Glasgow Commonwealth Games, BBC London/Salford has taken over presenting our Festival to the great British Public, and not for the first time. BBC Scotland eat your heart out.

      A Red Couch in Edinburgh fronted by one of the regular Salford presenters.
      A couple of English comedians plugging their shows.
      Some ‘foreign types’, juggling balls, dancing Irishly, and performing gymnastic contortions. Boy is it going to be fun.

      Then, five times within three and a quarter hours of hegemony, the ‘News where we are’ is beamed from Pacific Quay, just as breakfast is being served to the throng of visitors the length and breadth of Bonnie Scotland.

      Headline: 200 young offenders, gang members apparently, in Polmont YOI, are undergoing a programme/workshop with the police to persuade them not to go into a life of crime and drug dealing. OK.

      Headline: RBS are reporting a £900,000 profit, but will record an ultimate loss for the year. They are moving their HQ to Holland, but staff in Edinburgh don’t have to worry, and don’t mention Brexit.

      Riot Police fought Aberdeen supporters in Cyprus.

      There is concern over 500 jobs of McVittie’s in Glasgow.

      And that’s it.

      That’s the 3 minute snapshot of Scotland offered up at the breakfast tables of hard working hotels B&B’s, and Holiday Parks the length and breadth of Scotland.
      No mention of the 70th Edinburgh Festival. The Big Boys Down There are covering it.

      There are hotel lobbies and dining rooms with bright displays leaflets and brochures, special family deals, lists of attractions, places to visit, castles, museums, golf courses, and so on, to browse through after breakfast.

      BBC Scotland did its best to ruin all that this morning.

      Thank you, Donalda. Thank you BBC Pacific Quay.

      What a picture you present to visitors to contemporary Scotland.

      Why don’t you save time and staff wages from next week onwards?
      Just post a notice ‘Scotland is Shite’on the screen for 3 minutes every half hour from Monday onwards.

      Or is it just me? Am I really that paranoid?

  16. Can confirm: been around way too many golf club bores in my time. Someone contradicting them isn’t just divisive to them, though. It’s literally THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN TO ANYONE AND OH MY GOD THE WORLD IS ON FIRE. Rather funny to watch, truth be told.s

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