The avocado toilet suite of politics

Don’t you kind of yearn for the days when it was the SNP that the media told us was a sinister cult? Now we’ve actually got real cult at the heart of British politics, and the sound of silence is deafening. Because when you’ve got people chanting Oooooh Jeremy Corbyn at an anti-Brexit rally, such as we’ve seen at the Labour party conference, what you’ve got is the replacement of reality with a blind and counterfactual faith. When you’re hoping that a man who is opposed to the Single Market, the Customs Union, and freedom of movement is the hero who will keep the country in the Single Market, the Customs Union, and preserve freedom of movement, that’s every bit as cultish as the belief that you can cure a skin condition by lighting a candle and setting fire to a tub of exfoliant before a wee statue of the god of plooks. Which looks suspiciously like Nigel Farage spouting custard, but that’s a different blog post.

Jeremy Corbyn isn’t going to save us from Brexit. That’s like expecting Bargain Hunt to save you from cheaply made afternoon television. In much the same way, with Jeremy people are buying some knocked off beige relic from the 1970s in the hope that it’s going to restore their fortunes. Corbynism is the avocado toilet suite of politics. It seemed so terribly modern and on-trend at the time, but it’s only after you install it that you realise how tacky it is, and how expensive it’s going to be to get rid of.

Corbyn’s Labour is every bit as guilty as the Tories of peddling a backwards looking nostalgia as the balm to Britain’s wounds, they only differ in the decade they offer. The Tories are trying to sell us their vision of the 1910s, or the 1710s in the case of Jacob Rees-Mogg, when the upper classes still ruled unchallenged and the working classes knew their place. Labour are trying to take us back to the statism and centralism of the 1970s, because that worked out so well the first time round. 1970s nostalgia appeals to millennials, because they weren’t around then and don’t appreciate how crap it all was. That’s your choice in British politics these days, a plastic version of Downton Abbey where most of us are stuck downstairs, or a 1970s disco with a glitterball that doesn’t spin and no admittance to anything foreign.

Jeremy Corbyn is promising a slew of policies that seem very attractive. He wants to renationalise the railways. He wants strict controls on rents in order to tackle a bloated housing market that makes it too expensive for young people to own a home of their own. He signalled the death of Blairism and promised an end to austerity. But over it all hovered the unpleasantly coloured toilet suite of Brexit, threatening to flush away all the policies that benefit the poor and the low paid in a sewer of economic catastrophe. For all the fine words, Labour remains as chaotic and confused about Brexit as the Tories. Jeremy wants rid of the Tories – but not just yet, then they can take the blame for the disaster that’s unfolding.

Jeremy desperately wants the Brexit that most of his supporters are desperate to avoid, because then he won’t be constrained by EU rules putting the hems on his socialism. Jeremy is clearly not content with the kind of social democracy to be found in Scandinavia, which begs the question of what exactly is it that he he wants to do that requires the UK to cut itself off from the single market, the customs union, and to put and end to freedom of movement.

There’s little on offer for Scotland from Corbyn’s Labour party, other than carping about how the Scottish Parliament needs to use the powers it’s already got to reduce poverty and inequality and improve the economy. Those would be the powers over macroeconomic levers that Labour refused to allow to be devolved. Labour refused to allow corporation tax, inheritance tax or fuel duty to be devolved. Labour won’t allow the level of personal allowances for income tax or national insurance to be within the remit of Holyrood. Labour refused to consider the devolution of broadcasting. Labour stuck in its heels and insisted that immigration must remain reserved. Labour tied the hands of the Scottish Parliament behind its back, and now they’re complaining that it’s not punching the Tories. And what extra powers does Jeremy Corbyn want to see being delivered to the Scottish Parliament? Absolutely none at all. He’s as centralist as Thatcher.

Meanwhile Kezia Dugdale, who like Robbie Williams is far more interesting and unpredictable as a solo artiste than she was when she was in the band, has come over all Lib Dem and is calling for a second referendum on the EU. It was only six months ago that Kezia was insisting that the public were fed up with voting in divisive referendums, but now she no longer has to give a toss what Anas Sarwar or Neil Findlay say she’s suddenly realised that people aren’t as fed up as she thought. It’s just that they were fed up with Anas and Neil, but then that’s nothing new.

The branch office in Scotland remains as divided and dysfunctional as ever. It now appears that Kezia jumped before she was pushed. There are reports that there was a plot to oust her. Alex Rowley, the deputy leader, was also caught on tape stating his preference for Richard Leonard over Anas Sarwar, when as interim leader of the accountancy unit he’s supposed to be neutral. Labour in Scotland spend far more time and energy fighting with one another. They hate each other even more than the hate the SNP. Protecting Scotland from the consequences of Tory policies scarcely gets a look in. The future that British politics has in store for Scotland is becoming clear. We’ll be out of Europe, out of power, out of money, out of work, out of favour, and out of our minds.

 


 

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0 thoughts on “The avocado toilet suite of politics

  1. Headline news from reporting Scotland. Jeremy Corbyn the Grey Guevara of the 21st Century surrounded by his devoted fans. No Umana, no Benn, no Bl;airite Old Gray Whistle Pests.

    These are the headlines. This is what is grip[ping the good folk of Scotland. The inexorable rise of the Corbyn tsunami. Aye, right.
    They have measly 7 MPs. they are a leaderless 3rd party at Holyrood, they are forming diabolical coalitions with the Blue Tories at Council Level to block the SNP, and closing libraries, and cutting teaching posts,and blaming the BAD SNP who have already implemented most of the ‘progressive’ policies which Corbyn shouts from the roof tops that he will introduce when he becomes the 74 year ols PM.
    and the 4 young Corbynites Labour managed to muster for their PPB following Reporting Scotland’s Corbyn Love In blamed the Bad SNP for everything.
    Manchurian Candidates one and all.
    BBC PQ, has reformed as the Labour Laugh In.
    ,

  2. Old Blighty blues – A vision of the UK straight out of a Pathe Newsreel. People so obsessed with the past, they can’t see the present much less the future for what it is. They stare in the what was and remember a past that never happened. Nostalgia does that to people. Helplessness does too. They people cheering Corbyn need to believe. They need it so badly, they are almost besides themselves as they celebrate a man who at his very best, could not be May at her very worst. Promising to take back all the things labour sold off, but shying away from explaining what that would cost. While hoping it can get a deal on Brexit because it thinks its less of a knob than the tories. But people in England need this so badly they ignore the obvious questions.

    I see these people cheering and I remember what it was like when Blair won. The tory nightmare was over. There was a real sense of that things could change. It didn’t long for the scales to fall from people eyes. We got rid Major and his party of Bastards. But we got a party sleekit two faced bastards who believed the Tories had been right all along. But we needed to believe he could make things better, even though the warning signs had been there. We looked the other way because we needed to free of the Tories.

    In Scotland – we voted labour for so long that it became a habit. To them it was an entitlement. A birthright. They fed off the anger, the despair and the hopelessness. Smug and secure in the knowledge that Scots had nowhere to go to. No one else to vote for. Blair and Brown changed all that. They broke Labour in Scotland. They were the architects of the their own misfortune. People realised the old lie for what it was. Scotland needs to back English labour, so it can get a few more scraps from their plate. Scraps. That all our reward for supporting labour was. Table scraps. Table scraps from a meal that Scotland had paid for many times over.

    And here comes Labour in Scotland. Telling us all the nice things they’ll do. All the things they’ll buy back with tax payers money. Nothing about how they’ll raise that money or how difficult it will be to prise these services from the heavy and dead hand of the free market. When you consider that they sold off most of the stuff they want to buy back, its quite shocking to see them act so magnanimous. Like they were dipping into their own pockets to do it. Except for Scotland. In Scotland they expect the SNP to make sure the money is there for them when they win.

    UK labour and its tartan sub branch of diddy men are parasites. They feed off peoples hopes. their dreams, their fears. their anger and their pain. Promising miracles. Selling the same old Hoary Bromide. For the many – not the few. The same old faces. The same old lies. The magic potion to make Britain like it never was? A luke warm cup of piss.

    • I feel your anger and frustration at those deluded enough to think Corbyn is the new messiah.

      We’ve all been there and bought the t-shirt, except it went out of shape after 1 wash and the colour ran into your new white jeans!!

      I feel sorry for those down south, desperate for hope and possibilities…but Labour will disappoint, it always does.

      • David, well writ.
        My first bathroom suite was plum coloured, just about the time we were eating by candle light during the three day week in the Seventies. One of the first items to be ripped out and replaced, along with the wall mounted ‘coal effect’ three bar cash guzzling electric fire.
        Corbyn was a young London Trot then, and ‘everybody out’ USSR Fifth Columnist.

        I see even MacWhirter over at Herald Britland is flogging Corbyn as the New Kier Hardy.

        Corbyn is an anti EU old style Commie Militant, whose aim in life, that time on this planet left to him, is to destroy UK democracy. He has spent his life being a pesky champagne anarchist.
        He and McDonnell who heartily applauded Johanne Baxter’s lies about the Labour Equal Pay 20 year battle to deny women in GCC equal pay, which was billed as the SNP’s fault, would close Holyrood tomorrow; they certainly won’t be in the lobby demanding more devolved powers to Scotland Wales and Norn Ireland, whom they don’t even recognise, post Brexit.
        I cannot believe that young Scots with a brain in their head believe this old grunfuttock to be the Saviour of The UK.
        He will link arm in arm with Johnson, Fox, Davis, and May marching off into ‘Singapore on the Thames’ in March 2019, and not give Scotland a second glance as he does so.

        • Grunfuttock. My new favourite word of the day. Apologies for typos. Angry typing does that. Especially when you typing it on a phone.

    • Absolutely. Well said, the gimps in England are taking that cup of luke warm piss in both hands, praising the lord that they have such a caring, sharing guy to worship. Labour must have some guru working behind the scenes, telling them they are all wonderful winners, wave your arms about, talk like the Dalai Lama or Nelson Mandala, and the peeple will love you forever.

      Only we know that they are lying, scheming, troughers, the lot of them. Not an ounce of truth passes their lips, yet people in England are ecstatic. On twitter, ‘we are winning’ is all over the place. Winning what? As if politics is a sport, a game.

      It is worrying that there are millions blinded by Labours rhetoric, if that is the correct word.

      Pray that the people of Scotland see right through this Labour ploy to ‘win’ back Scotland, so they can really put the boot in. SNP need to get the message out that Labour are controlled by London, the Labour party in England, and are not autonomous at all. So you are voting for London control if you vote for Labour.
      We need Scotland to be run by and for the people of Scotland, otherwise we really will continue to be a blot on their horizon, easily wiped out with a dirty, very oily (!) rag.

    • spot on…….corbyn, the second coming (after bliar)…
      another fraudster from the magical mystery party that is labour

  3. I could never vote Labour, ever, but I do agree Paul that they are tossers at a level maybe not seen since Michael Foot.

    They binned him when all the voters did a runner. Why not JC? It is like a rerun without the duffel coat. As for Brexit it is a shame JC is not listening to Stammer.

    I fell all WM parties have lost the plot. Only interested in votes instead of protecting the economy and the EU rights we may loose. Maybe even loose Holyrood. Traitors all.

  4. Pingback: The avocado toilet suite of politics | speymouth

  5. I wrote recently to my brand new Labour MP. I raised the issue of the stacking of the committees in Parliament. His response was a standardised effort that he sent to everyone who raised this issue. Basically, he expressed his concern but had given up all hope of challenging the situation. Terrible behaviour but the vote had been taken and that’s it punter. There was no sense of the need to continue to challenge this government that uses precedent to make things up as it goes along.

    A few days later there was Jeremy,the great leader,saying that Labour will be challenging everything that needed challenging and this great challenge will come through his MPs in parliament. Er…not with my brand new Labour MP in Scotland Jeremy.

    • Until the last GE my MP was Ahmed Sheik. She lost as SNP supporters did not turn out. Now I have a Tory.

      Like yours Alba woman the excuse for an MP has stood for nothing that supports Scotland. What a disgrace they all are.

      • I am in the same constituency, the SNP turn out dropped, but the British labour in Scotland candidate was an absolute joke, and renowned in my area as such, and as was reported at the time, the blue and red tories were spotted laughing, joking and backslapping at Alloa town hall the week before the election.

  6. Of course Corbynism is the avocado toilet suite of politics – where else would you expect all the shite and pish to be swallowed up? No wonder they’re flushed with success!

  7. Thanks, Paul. The only answer is to be out of the WM Union.
    No doubt that lot are smacking their chops over the new oil fields west of Shetland. Time to work on a “divorce settlement”.

  8. OMFG! 😮

    SCREECH!

    It’s all so unfair (see under: no one trusts the MSM because there’s more than a little evidence that you’re somewhat corporately and politically compromised, societally polarised and institutionally biased yourself.) (Also see under: Leveson, indyref 1 and EU ref coverage).

    • My memory of Nick Robinson is of him making a complete fool of himself in Edinburgh away back in 2014 with Brian Taylor looked on in disbelief.

      My opinion has not changed.

  9. Must be something in the water , this collective amnesia .

    A quick highlight of what Labour in Scotland while they were in charge have left the SNP to try and clear up , the constant demands for money for this or that should be immediately be followed by

    Yes we totally agree ,

    The problem is this Billion pounds edinburgh tram bill , the Billion pound annual PFI f/up , The yet to be announced legal bill that Glasgow has run up stopping equal pay for women , Who knows what Aberdeen council are up to .

    Once these little gifts are dealt with we certainly will try and implement all your demands .

    Until then please feel free to SHUT THE F/K UP .

    • …and the ‘Arms Length’ contracted out services which bleed money as perennial loss makers like GCC’s City Parking, City Building, and so on.
      Who can forget the £140,000 that well known car park romancer spent on an abortive revamp of George Sq?
      For over half a century Unionist LA Councils have squandered billions, because they were never going to be held accountable, and there was always Mug Public to dutifully pay the increases to
      Council Tax to pay for graft and groos mismanagement and failure.
      The Edinburgh Trams fiasco is just Establishment Theft.
      COSLA? What is it for?
      We are slowly dragging ourselves out of the cosy wee incompetent mess that the Unionist made of Scotland over the past 3 centuries.
      One of the GCC black limos was in front of me going through Clydebank today, probably returning from a visit to the ‘Jubilee’ Hospital in Clydebank.
      Who deems themselves that important that they warrant a chauffeur driven limo to get about in this so called Egalitarian Paradise of Findley Rowley Kelly and Gray?
      It is going to take time to flush out the corruption, graft, and backhanders which ran through our Unionist Corridors of Power since WWII.
      Will we see the end of a Council Executive wage of £330,000 pa?
      I doubt it. Who shaves the barber?
      We need a velvet revolution, wrapped around an iron lawyer free fist.

  10. Excellent stuff, Paul, but deeply frustrating that so few people don’t see through this shambling old throwback who is really devoid of principle, e.g. his India Rubber Man position on Trident as a CND member. Why can’t the young Labour Remainers who voted for him not see he is opposed to the EU? Does not compute.

    I remember a programme on the Psychology of Cults last year on Pravdasound4. One such leader in The States had predicted the end of the world on a certain day. When the end did not materialise, belief in the cult actually increased because, if I remember correctly, the cult leader claimed he had received a late cancellation from the Godhead, who merely confirmed the zombies in their belief.

    Unfortunately, many people have the Credulous Gene in their blood and “cannot bear very much reality” (poetry).

    Wotchagonnado? as Tony S would say.

    *sighs*

    • good headline in the national , and thanks for posting it , I wish the nationals staff would start to moderate their comments section , i used to subscribe to the on-line version but gave up because it was getting like the scotsman , same nutters taking over with no moderation .
      We only have one supporting paper so why allow the nutters free access to rubbish the YES movement and the SNP .

  11. they are all fcukin useless,politicians to a man/woman are self seekers,we in Scotland population 5.5mil do not need politicians and their far fetched agendas/policies,we should elect proven leaders proven winners who have proved themselves in their particular fields,people of ethics/morality people that can “do what they can for their country/not what can my country do for me” a la jfk.How can politicians possibly legislate for the issues before them as most have never experienced “life at the coal face”.

  12. Baroness Yvette Cooper sees a man in a donkey jacket with two friends, shouting outside Conference.

    “Shah – U.S. puppet. Shah out NOW! Shah – U.S. puppet. Shah out NOW!”

    “- What do we want?
    – Shah out.
    – When do we want it?
    – NOW!!!!”

    Which is worse – the 1978 Faction or the Baroness Brigade?

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