Kill me, just kill me now

It’s here. The British government have finally come up with a solution to all the many problems facing this country. After much work, complex and taxing negotiations, and intensive effort, they have the answer to all the technical and political issues that bedevil Brexit. They have come up with the resolution to the poverty and growing chasm between the rich getting ever richer and the rest of us. They know how to deal with social injustice and inequality. They’re having another royal wedding.

Oh God. Kill me. Kill me now. I don’t know if I can cope with another six months of royal wedding preparations and Nicolas Witchellgasms on what passes for the news. It was bad enough with Willnkate. Now Meghanarry has already started, and it’s going to go on, and on, and interminably on for the next twelve months. North Korean state news is more critical about Kim Jong-un than the coverage given to royalty in the British media. It’s what Kay Burley was born for. I’m sure it’s part of a cunning plan on the part of the British establishment to stop us all from turning the news on for the next six months.

They’re going to wring every second of sycophancy out of this for as long as they possibly can, which is going to be a very long time indeed. And however long it really is it’s going to feel at least one hundred and twenty times longer due to one of the lesser remarked upon effects of Einstein’s theory of relativity, which holds that time passes more slowly for the observer the closer to the speed of light that something approaches, or the closer that the BBC, Sky News and the Daily Mail get to a royal wedding. In six months time you’ll be desperate to poke your eyes out with a Meghanarry themed place setting.

Some commentators, well I say commentators, I really mean cringe making sycophants, are talking about how much of a rebel Harry is because he’s marrying a mixed-race American divorcee. It must be admitted however that it is deeply satisfying to watch the Daily Mail have to pretend that it’s thrilled that an unemployed black immigrant is going to be the newest member of the royal family. Howver if Harry were a real rebel he’d insist that there be no media circus surrounding his nuptials and the entire squillion quid that the shindig is going to cost the taxpayer be spent on alleviating child poverty and homelessness instead. As it is it’s all a convenient distraction from the 120,000 people who’ve died because of austerity, the looming car crash that is Brexit, the impossibility of getting a secure home of your own if you’re a young person, or the fact that wages are stagnant and people in employment are forced to resort to foodbanks. Today all that Sky News wanted to talk about was getting a look at the ring and whether Harry and Meghan would kiss. There’s no real need, Sky and the BBC have spent the entire day kissing the royal ring. Just not the one on Meghan’s finger.

It’s not just those of us who are cynical independentistas who are unhappy with today’s non-news masquerading as news. Some die hard supporters of the British state aren’t best pleased either. Richard Leonard is gutted. There he was, it was his big day. He’s being inaugurated as the leader of the Labour party branch office in Scotland and being annointed by the massed ranks of the Scottish Unionist press as the next First Minister. Just like Kezia before him, and Jim Murphy before her, and Johann Lamont before him, and Iain Gray before her. And now naebody is going to notice or care. Although to be fair, naebody was going to notice or care anyway. Richard becoming leader of what’s left of the internecine warfare that is known as the Labour party in Scotland is proof positive that there is actually news which is more trivial and irrelevant than a royal engagement.

The royalweddingaggedon has only just started. All of Harry’s close family are naturally very happy. James Hewitt is thrilled. For us lesser mortals there is all sorts of sookery to look forward to. There’s going to be earnest reports from the people making the sandwiches for the wedding rehearsal, teary eyed about how a chicken and avocado bap made by their own lowly working class hands might very soon become a part of history and transit through a royal alimentary canal. Or if not a royal one, then at least one belonging to someone who once appeared in a supporting role in an American telly show about lawyers, which is now officially the next best thing. There will be endless speculation about The Dress, which will receive capital letters in an entirely unironic way. There are going to be vox-pops with those members of the public who can work up the mandatory degree of enthusiasm, even if it’s only to say that they’ve never heard of Meghan Markle and don’t know who she is but they’re sure that she’s going to be a wonderful asset to the royal family. You know, like Diana. Then there will be all those people bedecked from head to toe in union fleg suits because they’re not nationalists at all, many of whom are Conservative MSPs.

It’s a fairy tale in the making, gushes the reporter on the TV news. Who needs reality when we have the British media? There will be entire TV specials devoted to the insights about the royal wedding that can be brought to us by someone who once served the Queen oatcakes biscuits with a selection of cheeses when they were working as a waiter at a state banquet. Oh shit. I spoke too soon. Sky News is interviewing someone right now who did exactly that. He’s telling us how lucky he was to be a part of history. Kill me, just kill me now.

I’m off on holiday for the next week. Will be back on Thursday 7 December. Macart will be looking after you until then.


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0 thoughts on “Kill me, just kill me now

  1. We must really be up Brexshit creek without a paddle. A wedding and a birth in first 6 months of 2018. What are they going to do until 29th March 2019, is Phil going to do the honourable thing.

    Enjoy your holiday.

  2. Is it no up tae the Bride’s family tae pey fur the waddin? – an as she’s done it aw before then she should pey fur it hersel. Plus she should get maerrit at hame – no here. Will aw her rellies hae tae come ower fur the showin o presents?

  3. lol, Harry “the bastirt” Hewitt marries Mag “angela’s love child” Markle, a match made in heaven and good for german relations (ps, all the windsors relations are german) 🙂

  4. Jammy beggar. I’m doing my utmost to avoid the endless “..she said…he said…” crap. Mostly achieving calm but occasionally some mention of ‘it’ escapes and OH..I so know what you mean!!
    Have a lovely break and remember, the news will still be ongoing when you get back! 😀

  5. An American actress of modest accomplishment is to marry an unemployed former soldier? I wish any couple getting married good fortune and every happiness together, but can’t think of any good reason to get excited about this particular marriage over any other. I don’t know either of them or any members of their extended families.

    A private Registry Office wedding in Windsor attended by members of their respective families would be an appropriate slap in the face for the sycophantic creeps in the British media, but I’m not getting my hopes up.

  6. Oh FFS, great old little britainia needs a humongously expensive royal wedding like a hole in head. What a disgrace, an insult to all of those struggling to get by day to day and those that the royal supporting, kissing royal butt tories, have killed with their disgusting, criminal ‘austerity’ on the most vulnerable in our society.

    The royal fairytale, incredibly priveleged, undeserving folk living in luxury off the backs of the people, is really the most disgusting insult for those living with a very Grimm reality of poverty, foodbanks, sanctions, and London government disgrace like Grenfell tower. It’s amazing that people are so compliant and accepting of such inequality. But then, it is 1817, isn’t it?

    Thanks for the article Paul, you never know it might all just turn out to be a horrible nightmare and we will be living in a democracy, when you return. I know, that is wishful thinking.

    Must go look for that magic wand, if only fairy tales could come true. Oh, wait…for some they obviously do, backed up by all kinds of dodgy regimes around the world to boot. Nice.

  7. Oh and will she be allowed to stay in the UKOK? It’s just that the UKOK gov are deporting people left right and centre, even if they have lived in the UK for 50+ years. UK gov also deporting people who have been living and working in Scotland for many many years, and who employed people in their businesses.Deprting them back to countries like the US.

    Presume she was born in England.

    • To my shame, I Binged it. She was born in LA. Obviously has enough money to please the Tories.
      Have a lovely holiday Paul, hope you are visiting the better half!

    • My thoughts too, hetty.
      She has no right to reside in the UK under Treeza’s Go Home Furner Rools.
      May’s FCO is throwing out hunners of furrin’ folk who have been here nearly a lifetime, married Brits, had children here who are Brits.
      Surely a swank yank can’t marry a Windsor, and get permanent residency status.
      My Everlovin’ is from the Emerald Isle.
      If Arlene and the billion pound DUPs have their way my partner and soul mate will be huckled back across the border, abandoned just South of Newry, and left to fend for herself snaring small animals and brewing nettle soup just to survive.
      I share Paul’s disgust at this obscene nonsense.
      Lucky he off for a week’s holidays.
      Like Cairns, he’s never at his work.
      Joking.
      Have a great rest, Paul.

  8. Bread and Circuses, like Divide and Rule, is an old establishment trick to fool the gullible and keep the establishment in charge.

    Today we have Harry and his new girlfriend. The British nationalist establishment must be hoping their engagement will, once again, fool the gullible and take their mind off the disaster that is brexit. It might work in England and britnat bits of the north of Ireland but it won’t fool the rest of Ireland and it won’t fool Scotland.

    I wonder if Harry will be wearing his Nazi armband during the wedding ceremony?

    So so glad I don’t pay the bbc tax.

    Happy holiday, WGD.

  9. The news that some actress is to marry a retired soldier must have been carefully timed to bury some other important information. But what is it?

    In the peninsular of Northern Britain, the current interim leader of the Scottish accounting branch of the Labour Party, Leonardwho? was presented to the party faithful as, yet again, the next First Minister where he promised to bring the publicly owned Scottish Water into public ownership thus stealing the prize for the person most likely to open their mouth to change feet from Murdo, queen’s eleven Fraser. But it probably wasn’t that.

    Darn Sarth, the Labour MP, Kate Hoey, takes a leaf from the Trump’s notebook suggesting the Republic of Ireland should pay for any hard border between the republic and Northern Ireland. And it wasn’t that either.

    Perhaps the cabinet office has been refurbished and the new map on the wall has less pink bits than the old one. Tanganyika seems to have gone and Cromwell’s Ireland has a wiggly line across the top third, causing considerable confusion for those whose history mostly came from 1066 and all that.
    But not that either.

    What ever it is, it’s not the really, really important announcement we are waiting for; the starting gun for indyref2. You will know when that is imminent – black arm bands and veils will suddenly become fashionable as the meeja goes into distraction overdrive.

    Enjoy your week off in the rain, sleet or snow.

    • For the love of life, there is more:

      On the 20th November, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and HRH the Duke of Edinburgh will celebrate their Platinum Wedding Anniversary – that’s an incredible 70 years of marriage (or 25,568 days to be exact) and a first in British royal history. In honour of the occasion, The Royal Mint has issued a brand new £5 coin – featuring a specially commissioned double portrait of the couple. A specially struck collector quality “Brilliant Uncirculated” coins that are guaranteed not to have the scratches and chips of normal circulation coins. This £5coin costs only £10.99 plus £2.99 P&P*
      *Except for the Highlands and Islands.

    • News just in: The papers assessing BRexit and it’s effects have been passed on to committee in commons…but, they are not complete says D Davis!!!

      Cue an almighty totally fantabydozy engagement of the fecking century. Convenient? Or just coincidental? You figure it out. 😀

  10. Oh good grief! 😮

    I’m not sure there are enough therapists available to deal with the wave of either mass meeja hysteria or depression. There’ll be a new NHS crisis! Mark my words. 😉

  11. Meanwhile, Paul Masterton, one of the 13 Scots Tory MPs gushed on The Daily Politics Show to Jo Coburn and Labour’s Kate Hoey, when asked what the engagement would have on ‘the mood of the nation’:

    “I think it’ll be a really nice positive mood for everyone to look forward to and you think, when you look back to when Willnkate got married, my wife and I actually made the trip down from Scotland and stood on the side of The Mall, when they got married, and it was just a really nice, happy occasion, and I think there’s a lot of doom and gloom in the news at the minute, so I think the nation could do with a little happy lift.”

    That’s it, word for word.

    The thing is; Masterton was working for London lawyers, Pinsent Mason, at the time, in London but that wouldn’t fit in with his saviour of the Scots nation narrative.

    He then waffled on about ‘Industrial Strategy’, without saying anything. He waffled that we need to decide what kind of country we want to be. Do we want to be dynamic and at the forefront of technologies or rest and meander through. He actually states, Yes Brexit changes things but the Govt is going to utilise what opportunities come from that. It’s the same old waffle, waffle waffle but no plain facts or details.

    He also lied that during the Indyref that hindered commercial activity in Scotland when data since then proves that commercial activity was up during Indyref1.

    The show then spoke to an Irish Senator (Neil Richmond) and Masterton took a back seat while rabid royalistHoey from Norn Ireland ranted at the senator. Eventually Masterton was asked about the Irish Border and answered thus:

    “I think at the moment when it comes to Northern Ireland, we’re still dealing in a lot of empty platitudes about no hard border, treating North Ireland same as rest of UK but no=one’s actually saying, what that means. And I think we’re seeing very clearly why Northern Ireland wasn’t a big part of the Leave campaign because they had no idea how to deal with it if they won. But waht I do actually agree with Kate & others on, is this is one area where the solution, if there is one, is intrinsically linked with future trading relationships and this is one area where the EU’s insistence on splitting it into 2 parts simply doesn’t work.

    Coburn: Do you accept the idea that there could be a separate arrangement for Northern Ireland?

    Tory Plook Masterton: I’m not particularly comfortable with that. Aaah… I think that that gets a little bit messy in and on itself..

    Coburn: It would solve the problem? Wouldn’t it?

    Masterton: Well, I think it depends exactly what that differentiation..

    Hoey (Labour) frantically intercedes to save her unitary state supporter: It would cause lots of other problems!

    Masterton, saved by and echoing Labour Loyalist Hoey: It would cause lots of other problems.

    That’s when Coburn quickly realises they have strayed onto dangerous territory and she swiftly heads back to the safe arms of the Southern Irish senator with a question instead of asking Masterton and Hoey, What other problems’. The answer of course is the Scottish issue and our upcoming 2nd (last) indyref!

    A special deal for Northern Ireland is going to mean that unitarian state adherents can no longer shout us down by saying ‘We voted as one country, the UK, and we leave as one country, the UK’.

    That’s why the both the tories and labour are desperately hoping to put off the Irish Border question right to the end of the Brexit process.

    Hoey then rants again to Irish senator that the Irish want a border only so they can pay for it! She ends by saying that Eire will choose to leave the EU with UK!!!!

    The senator calls her out on this as delusional as the last Irish poll showed 88% of Irish want to remain in EU!

    So neither Labour nor Tory want a border with Eire when we leave EU. How different from the project fear campaign during Indyref1 when Ed Milliband insisted there would be guards on the Scots English border! Chickens coming home to roost, I think.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2746369/We-ll-guards-Scottish-border-Ed-Miliband-reveals-incendiary-plan-new-poll-reveals-vote-knife-edge.html

    • Bibbit, thanks for sitting through this shite, on behalf of us all.
      There will be a hard border since Arlene and the Billion pound 10 DUPs will insist on it because they are true blue loyal God Save the Queen and her burgeoning family, Brit Nats.
      They are bigoted, racist, far right religious fanatics, just like about half of Ruth Davidson’s Scottish Party.
      I can hear Murdo and Professor Two Jobs WATP Tomkins cheering as they read this.
      I have no doubt that there will be bloodshed in the North again, and idiots like Masterton and Hoey will hold their hands up in horror at violence which they quite freely incite with their bitter little Brit Nat Unionist mantra.
      Masteton is supposed to represent Scotland. 62% Remain…but fuck my constituents. I’m a good loyal Anglo Tory Boy.
      Fuck Scotland, fuck its people. His Job is to step on Scots necks, crush our democracy.
      Well, our day is at hand, you evil people.

    • So it was the daily mail that leaked that poll which nearly won us our freedom those that wanted more powers for holyrood would of voted yes had the britnats not lied with that blasted vow swinging the undecided devolution lot to no

  12. While they are all fully occupied gushing over the lovely ‘royal couple’ maybe we can creep in under the radar with indyref2!

    Hope you have a good holiday Paul, you deserve it.

  13. Ideally we need royal weddings, babies, death of Philip and Liz out of the way and have deluded Charlie and his frump installed as king and queen, all by 2020 so that the royalty rubbish is out of the way before Indyref2.

  14. Have a nice holiday.

    I would just add Republic are always looking for new members.

    Just thought I would mention that.

    • Think bigger:

      I saw earlier today that someone over here had noted their children will not only be somewhere in line for the throne, but also — assuming she retains her U.S. citizenship — eligible someday for our presidency (this, well past their bar or bat mitzvah of course). So now, imagine one of their offspring is president and heir to the throne! BOOM, we’re re-united. I’ve gotta admit, that’s awfully clever of the Windsors…

      (What, you think THAT’S impossible?)

  15. She seems a great deal brighter than any of the royals. Will it last?

    Have a good holiday, Paul. If you’re staying in this part of the world I hope the weather improves!

  16. I went into work happy and smiling this morning. Really bright and cheery.
    Nothing to do with the Windsors.
    Everything to do with 35 guys, seafarers and soldiers, being released from an Indian jail. Now that’s something to rejoice about. Great news.

  17. Waddins, wains, wifes an’ widin owercoats ther’re no gonnae run oot o’ feckin’ squirrels ony time soon, wa’ tae wa’ feckin bluidy butcher’s aprons, try an’ walk intae Edinburgh Castle waving a Saltire, guid luck wi’ that! Aye and guess who is paying for this foreign 3 ring circus, remember folks about the 1 in 4 scottish wains in poverty! Aye an’ anither chance tae dip intae yon muckle trough tae dae up winsor castle, meantime Bothwell Castle left tae rot an’ ruin! Rant ower I’ll jis go an’ git ma bonnie blue bunnet !

  18. The Hewitt boy made a comment about the stars aligning, which forced me to grab a bucket to puke in. Unfortunately we are going to have skip loads of similar bullshit for at least the next six months.

    I wonder also whether the Hewitt boy will have to arrange to get his bit of fluff a visa to live in the YUK? Will she need a work permit? (just kidding, none of these parasites work). Will she get preferential treatment, unlike the various people whom the English government are hell bent on kicking out of the country?

    Next thing they will start breeding, and produce even more benefits scroungers for the taxpayer to support. Not to mention the total, and enormous, cost of their nuptials, to the taxpayer.

    I also wonder whether Betty Windsor, or to give her her full name, Elizabeth Hanover Saxe-Coburg Gotha Schleswig-Holstein Soenderburg-Glucksburg will be best pleased at their German bloodline being polluted by foreigners.

    In any event, we are going to have to suffer the endless MSM garbage on the “happy couple” for who knows how long, with all the creepers, crawlers and sycophants making a spectacle of themselves for acting like serfs and plebs, kow-towing to these dole bludgers and benefits scroungers.

  19. Right on the nail again. You made me laugh – better than howls of despair about what is coming.
    Enjoy your holidays.

  20. It has started already. Good Morning Scotland has kicked off with a 1 hour phone in on The Royal Distraction.

  21. All very predictable to those who have been here for more than 5 minutes , the old timers have seen all this before , we could almost write the script , nauseating guff wall to wall sick bag stuff .

    As for Mr New broom Labour being heralded as the next First Minister oh god help us please , the only way this clown is ever going to get Nicolas seat is if we all give up and leave , the 45% would have to abandon ship and say f/k this we are off , thats how stupid this is idea is .

    Labour have started well , first the anointed one Jeremy is baffled we have our own legal system , the Leonard saves Bifab ,and dosent realise Scottish Water is not privatised , his next gaff will be to echo Jeremy’s quote the SNP privatised Scotrail , either they really are stupid , or the more believable one is they dont give a f/k as they will be protected by the media just as Ruth is .

    • Robert,
      Before putting electronic pen to paper, I name checked with Arlene Fraser (he means ‘Foster’: Mrs C.).
      Arlene, the forgetful, the Billion Pound Blue Tory prop forward who surely had the rather narrow instructions of her true blue loyal King Billy DUP followers ringing in her ears, when she congratulated Prince William on his impending divorce and Spring 2018 nuptials to some Yank Broad cried Megan who, although stained with the sin of divorce, will make a lovely princess and presumably eventual Queen of Norn Irn.
      I am assured by an unnamed fact checker in the bowels of DUP House that the name of the new Branch Accountant Up Here is Leonard Richards, but that he is not related to Cliff of the Algarve.
      A grey faced unelected Yorkshireman now emerges from the Red Tory sludge to speak for the 17,000 or so New Old Corbyn Blair Brown Moderate Momentum Cool Britannia Jeremy Will Fex It Brexit Labour.
      17,000 members of the Labour Paltry,sorry. Party, left. It’s official. Yet our Scottish Deda tree SAcrolls and Broadcasters give them daily, hourly, minutely coverage.
      The bluff Yorshire Pudding of a shop steward is the Second Coming, or should that be fifth or Sixth Coming.
      The Blue Tories are an embarrassment now.
      Where did they find the youngsters who durifully clapped when the New Branch Manager talked Jackie Baillie?
      Jeremy comes North to sit by the side of the man who is going to be the next FM, according to the Tom Gordons of the Brit Nat World.
      A withered old Commie approaching his 70th birthday is the bright new future for socialist UK? Oh, Jesus on a bike!
      Leonard Richards (Richard Leonard. Mrs C.) will scrap tuition fees, bridge tolls, prescription charges, halt SNHS Privatisation creep, bring back water into public ownership, as well as the railways, Air Traffic Control, and BBC Scotland, and introduce joined up care for the elderly infirm, and mitigate the Blue Tories austerity attacks on the poor and less well-off/disadvantaged/ lower pair workers, who will be issued with free Mao uniforms at the workplace..
      Oh where have you been all these years, Oh grey faced warrior of the people?
      Why can’t the BadEssEnnPee come up with such radical progressive political solutions?
      He is organising a Commission to look at all this stuff, increase taxes for the Rich, bring everything back into public hands, shoot one in ten SNP members in the hotel car park..real radical stuff in 2029, or thereabouts.
      Nothing on Brexit of course or the 62%. That’s Big Folks’ politics Down South in Merrie England our Colonial Masters’ Turf.
      The law of diminishing returns.
      I’m going to check out odds at the bookies on the tea lady being the Red Tories’ next Branch Manager.
      Meanwhile in other news the Brit Yoons down there in WM are uttering confused damaging pish on the Irish Brexit Border Conflict.
      Apparently it is up to Ireland to build a border between the North of the island and the other bit.
      The Bottom Bit of the island of Ireland is one of the 27 EU countries from which England and Wales are determined to sever all ties.
      Liam Fox and Kate Hoey and one of the new Scottish Tory flunkies whose name will definitely forever escape me (Paul Masterton. Mrs C.), seem to believe that Ireland is still one of England’s colonies, and that the threat that England will block any cross border trade (14% of the South Part of Ireland’s exports goes to the UK) will be the tipping point and force Ireland’s hand, and lead to Ireland leaving the EU, reuniting with Empire 2, in time for the Dail to join the NYPD choir singing Galway Bay this winter as the New UK is welcomed across the pond as the 51st State in time for Christmas.
      That’s what Fox and Johnson want, and feck the rest of us.
      It is frightening that so many of our so called politicians are verging on the political equivalent of dementia.
      David Davis has released a redacted version of his Brexit Impact Analyses, Positional Papers, Contingency Plans (ah, what’s not to like about the Doublespeak of Five Grand a Day ‘Consultants’!).
      You may recall that Mundell actually came out and admitted that the impact of Scotland leaving the EU was so bad that if the post Brexit analysis on Scotland’s economy and welfare of the people was made public that this damaging report would spark Indyref 2 which YES would win.
      So Davis has issued a Nixon Tapes redacted version of his Department’s Brexit work over the past 18 months.
      From the Opposition rumblings Down There, it is fair to assume that Scotland doesn’t get a mention.
      It’s St Andrew’s Day on Thursday.
      Time for a wee dram and a toast to Scotland and our bright future.
      IF Fox and Co. continue to talk shite about Ireland and Brexit, there will be serious trouble in the North of that land again.
      No matter what, Indyref 2 is inevitable now.
      In Fox’s eyes, he still thinks that he has as much control over Scotland as he does over Ireland, an independent European nation.
      I fear for England and Wales, and the North of Ireland.
      The people in charge of the UK and their Northern stooges are simply mad or bad or both.

      • A bit of a read Jack Ha Ha ,but i think you managed to cover all the points of interest and it definitely aint a wedding , that one is being used to keep the Plebs minds off the real mess that surrounds us .

        Have a good break Paul nothing much is happening anyway ha ha

    • The text reads:

      To demand that the cost of the Royal Wedding is not met from public funds.
      It is reported that the cost of the forthcoming Royal Wedding is to cost the UK taxpayer in excess of £71 million. Last month, it was revealed that the Royal family has used extensive offshore vehicles to minimise their contribution to the public purse. UK debt is at the highest recorded level.
      The austerity measures imposed by Government has led to drastic cuts in public services and local authority spending. In June, fire ravaged through a West London tower block because the local council wouldn’t spend an extra £5K for fireproof cladding. The crisis in public finances are endangering those most vulnerable in society, but we are being asked to fund a lavish society wedding, whilst the aristocracy don’t pay their fair share. In times of austerity and poverty, this is grossly unfair.

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