I thought it was only spittle flecked nationalists who were supposed to care about things like flags? After all, that’s what our British nationalism-isn’t-nationalist-at-all friends are always telling us. Not caring about nationalist symbols like flags is one of the many things that they claim makes them morally superior to lesser breeds like Caledonian separatist types. Only nationalists invest pieces of cloth with a mystic style symbolic resonance. Supporters of the British state, not being nationalist at all, oh no, like to portray themselves as being as high above that sort of thing as a flag flying high on a flag pole. So it’s strange then that this week they’ve got themselves all worked up into a spittle flecked paroxysm over a flag. Some of them have been particularly keen to let us know that their opinion and outrage is especially valid because they’re one quarter Scottish. Then they tweet their opinion with the hashtag #dontbitethehandthatfeedsyou and wonder why other people who are at least one quarter Scottish get pissed off with them.
It’s a terrible thing that Scottish people and institutions might want to fly a Scottish flag instead of a British Union fleg. That’s because Saltires are a symbol of nationalism but Union flegs aren’t, because not being a nationalist is what makes a Daily Mail journalist a better human being than you are, vile separatist with your evil plans to tackle child poverty and fund the NHS properly. It’s also because Saltires are, as anyone who reads the Scottish Daily Mail knows, made from bedsheets that Thattessempee has cruelly ripped from underneath little kiddies lying seriously ill in wards in Scottish children’s hospitals where Nicola Sturgeon insists that Braveheart is played on a continuous loop on the ward telly. Every time a Saltire flies, a little piece of the soul of a right wing British nationalist journalist dies. This is a quite remarkable revelation, because most of us never realised that any of them had a soul to begin with.
It’s outrageous then, at least if you’re a right wing British nationalist journalist, that the Scottish government has embarked upon a nefarious plan to eradicate Union flegs from Scotland and replace them with a nationalist symbol. The fleg of people whose nationalism is better than other people’s nationalism by virtue of not being nationalist at all is under threat from Thattessempee, and soon the only non-nationalist national fleg on the planet will be completely extinguished. Well, at least it will be extinguished everywhere in Scotland except on UK driving licences, telly programmes with Great British in their title, military parades, the packaging on Scottish produce in supermarkets, Rangers matches, Rangers pubs, Orange walks, fascist rallies, Conservative conferences, plastered all over the side of Edinburgh castle during the Tattoo, the social media avatars of people who don’t want independence because they hate nationalism except British nationalism because British nationalism is not nationalist at all, the underpants of journalists who write for the Daily Express, suits worn by anti-independence Labour MPs who claim they’re doing it ironically, socks worn by Scottish Conservative MPs who’re definitely not doing it ironically, and flying from flegpoles in the gardens of private individuals who donate to Scotland in Union and who want to wind up their independence supporting neighbours. But apart from that, completely extinguished.
What’s getting the Union jack underwear of the British nationalist press in Scotland in a twist is the supposed news that Thattessempee has changed its policy about what flags should be flown from government buildings in Scotland on royal occasions. Nicola Sturgeon must resign / apologise / be sent to the Tower. Scotland is being purged of Union flegs, and as anyone who reads the Daily Mail knows, that’s just a short step from people who don’t vote for Thattessempee being rounded up and put in interment camps, because that’s what nationalists are like. British nationalism might be imposing itself on Scotland and deciding that Scotland’s future is a Brexit future even though most people in Scotland oppose that, but it’s always British nationalists who are the victims. Because they’re not nationalist at all.
Alex Salmond, or to use his correct title, Thattalicsammin, published a statement on Wednesday saying that he’d changed the policy on flag flying on royal occasions back in 2010 after consulting with the Queen in 2009 at Balmoral. Liz was cool with the idea. She was quite happy for the Lion Rampant to be flown from Scottish government buildings on royal occasions instead. The Lion Rampant is after all the standard of the monarchy in Scotland. Despite the fact that Liz herself was fine with the Lion Rampant being flown instead of the Union fleg, there’s not much sign of her being lambasted in the British nationalist press as an evil supporter of vile separatists. Funny that. The only thing that has changed is that guidance to civil servants has been updated to reflect the actual practice of the past eight years.
The truth is that the policy actually changed almost eight years ago, and Conservative MSPs and their pals in the press have only just noticed. Never mind the facts, but – to use the phrase beloved of the BBC – critics say it’s a whole lot easier to blame Nicola Sturgeon for things and to whip up something to feel aggrieved about than it is to admit that you’re terribly slow on the uptake or to acknowledge that the thing that you claim is about to destroy a British identity in Scotland has actually been going on for almost eight years and we’re still having British symbols rammed down our throats on a daily basis. It’s a lot easier to blame Thattessempee and create some faux outrage than it is to admit that you care so much about your precious fleg that it’s taken you eight years to notice that it no longer flies from government buildings on royal occasions.
Anyway, isn’t grievance mongering and seeking victim status supposed to be something else that only vile nationalists engage in? Hmm. Remind us now, just who here is getting really upset about flags, claiming victimhood, and inventing things to be angry and upset about?
The Wee Ginger Dug has got a new domain name, thanks to Indy Poster Boy, Colin Dunn @Zarkwan. http://www.indyposterboy.scot/ You can now access this blog simply by typing www.weegingerdug.scot into the address bar of your browser, the old address continues to function, the new one redirects to the blog. The advantage of the new address is that it’s a lot easier to remember if you want to include a link to the blog in leaflets, posters, or simply to tell a friend about it. Many thanks to Colin.
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