Armagammon and escaping unicorns


Despite asserting for weeks that he was going to get a deal, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson’s final proposal to the EU was dead in a ditch on arrival.  Irish officials were rejecting the proposal as unacceptable even before the Prime Minister took to the podium at the Conservative party conference to rehash some old jokes that weren’t especially funny the first time around. The biggest jokes at that podium were the Prime Minister and the reputation of the United Kingdom. They’re not especially funny either. Although in the 21st century it seems that tragedy is the new comedy. This is a Prime Minister who fancies himself as Churchill. He can’t even rise to the heights of statesmanship of Churchill the puppet dog who flogs insurance in the TV adverts.

Apparently a new series of The Apprentice starts on BBC1 this evening (Wednesday). There’s really no need. If we wanted to watch a bunch of talentless and gormless arseholes vying with one another in an obnoxiousness competition, the Tory party conference is on all week. Homelessness is soaring. Because of Conservative housing priorities an entire generation is now shut out of the possibility of owning their own homes. There’s been a boom in the gig economy and the poorly paid freelancing which is the modern slavery, meaning there’s no job security, no sick pay, no holiday entitlement, while the bosses rake in ever increasing millions. Disabled people are suffering due to changes to a social security system which is now neither social nor a provider of security. Democracy is threatened by a Prime Minister who has no majority in Parliament and who refuses to confirm that he will actually obey the law. And what we got from this Prime Minister was a fluffy content free collection of bad jokes. It’s politics as a stand up act booked by the Tunbridge Wells Conservative Association for their British cheese and Brexit whine evening.

Being a speech from Lyin’ Bastert Johnson, it would of course have been remiss of LBJ not to include a number of porkie pies in his speech. I hope you enjoyed them, because after a no deal Brexit they’re the only pork pies we’ll be getting a steady supply of, since the pork imports from Denmark are going to be held up in a lorry in a carpark at the freight terminal in Esbjerg. Within a couple of minutes of starting the speech we got a big fat lie, when LBJ averred that it took the Tories to tackle the national debt that had been left by the previous Labour government. That’ll be the UK national debt that currently sits at £1.8 trillion, and which was £1.01 trillion when Labour left power in 2010. That’s like saying that you’ve tackled your upset stomach by giving yourself dysentry.

The real news, while the Prime Minister ran through his stand up act with the Tory party, are the proposals for a final deal which the UK government presented to the EU today. The EU has made it clear from the outset that the Northern Irish backstop needs to be permanent. The UK proposal is for it to run for four years and then to turn it over to the Northern Irish Assembly to decide, meaning that the DUP can block anything that they dislike. Dublin is going to be thrilled to discover that the future of a border free Ireland is to be left in the hands of the Lambeg drum bangers of the DUP, representing the minority in Northern Ireland who wanted Brexit.

Although the EU has said that there should be no border in Ireland, the UK is now proposing two borders. One within the island of Ireland and a regulatory border running down the Irish Sea. The whole point of the Good Friday Agreement was to ensure that there is no border in Ireland. This proposal rips that up. Yet again, Perfidious Albion says one thing and does another later when it suits it. No Irish government is going to accept this proposal. And this Prime Minister knows that. Speaking to the press on Wednesday afternoon, the Irish Taoiseach Leo Varadkar said that the proposals that he had seen are “not promising” and in his opinion do not form for the basis for a deal. According to Sky News, EU diplomats in Brussels were universally negative about the proposal. The reporter added that his sources had told him that France and Germany would stand full square behind Ireland in order to demonstrate that smaller countries within the EU could rely upon the support of the larger ones. Compare and contrast with how Scotland is being treated by the British Government.

The reaction within the UK wasn’t any more positive. Speaking to Sky News, Jeremy Corbyn said that this proposal was worse than Theresa May’s deal which failed to get support in the Commons, and he couldn’t see this deal getting support either. It’s a deal which enables the UK to deregulate in a race to the bottom, ripping up standards and safeguards for workers and ordinary people. The SNP’s Ian Blackford was equally dismissive, saying that the only reason the Prime Minister had made this proposal was so that it could be turned down by the EU and he could blame them for a no-deal Brexit.

There’s just 29 days left until 31 October, and there’s still no realistic prospect of this government proposing a deal that the EU are going to accept, a deal that doesn’t run a pre-cleared for customs checks coach and horses through the Good Friday Agreement. It ought to be obvious to even the most obtuse Conservative by now that this government has never had the slightest intention of getting a deal. It has always been about buck passing and trying to ensure that when it is confirmed that there is no deal that Lyin’ Bastert Johnson can blame the EU for it. There is no Brexit except for a Brexit that has been betrayed. The only way in which the Tories can reap electoral success from Brexit is to ensure that the entire UK is kept in a state of permanent armagammon. The future of the UK is life in a Daily Express editorial. Complete with the RANDOM capitalisation.

Meanwhile the Scottish Conservatives have, according to Governor General Alister Pith Helmet Jack, been “brought into line” with the UK party. As one does with troublesome natives. The brief experimentation under Ruth Davidson of pretending that the Scottish Conservatives were somehow different from the UK Tories is at an end. Now it’s official, the Scottish Tories, they’re just as vile as the rest of the Tories. It’s not much of an election slogan, but it does have the merit of being more accurate than Ruth Davidson’s claims that MPs elected for the Vote Ruth Davidson For More Ruth Davidson party would operate as a bloc to stand up for Scottish interests in Westminster.

This afternoon it was announced that the Government plans to prorogue Parliament yet again. They’re desperate to ensure that LBJ doesn’t have to face the scrutiny of Parliament. The prorogation this time will only last for a couple of days, but it’s timed to ensure that the Prime Minister can avoid having to answer MPs during PMQs. He’s quite happy telling bad jokes to the Tory faithful, he’s not so keen on being held to account. That’s what passes for democracy these days in the UK. Are you enjoying the security and stability Scotland?

In other news, today at Buckingham Palace, the unicorn representing Scotland on the Royal Coat of Arms on the gates of the palace broke its chains and Priti Patel’s prohibition on freedom of movement and fell off after being struck by a delivery lorry. According to unsubstantiated rumours, just before it made its break for freedom the unicorn was heard to say, “Fuck this fur a gemme o sodgies. Yese ur aw pure radgers. A’m aff.”

Now there’s no unicorn on the Royal Coat of Arms at Buckingham Palace. There’s precious little else that’s good news in the UK, so let’s take this as a good omen that very shortly there will be no Scotland in the UK.

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45 thoughts on “Armagammon and escaping unicorns

  1. True to form , Johnson forgot to do his homework for his speech – he didn’t know the difference between the UK’s deficit and its debt , hence his perennial confusion with FACTS !

    Alistair Jack was not much better at dealing with facts – he claimed the credit for returning £40m in VAT that had been improperly withheld from Police Scotland and blamed the SNP Government for this , when they had been calling for several years for this to be repaid .
    Their election slogan should be ”Lies -R-Us ”.

  2. You are correct this is a blame game to hit the EU. Shameless but many will believe these liars.

    Has the missing unicorn reached Scotland yet? It can munch the grass we kept years ago from Wembley.

    Worrying times indeed.

    • “Has the missing unicorn reached Scotland yet ?” – Unfortunately Home Office policy is quite strict, so chances are that it is either in detention or was deported instantly, but rumour has it that pre-settled status may be possible…

  3. From Al Johnson’s letter:
    “This regulatory zone must depend on the consent of those affected by it. This is essential to the acceptability of arrangements under which part of the UK accepts the rules of a different political entity. It is fundamental to democracy….”

    If Scotland and Wales, as parts of the UK, accept the rules of their own different political entities, then surely this is an argument against grabbing power from Edinburgh and Cardiff, should it come to that?

  4. “The UK national debt grows at a rate of £5,170 per second!”

    It’s actually quite mesmerising watching the clock for a few seconds. Then you realise oh shit we are screwed. I guess the strong shoulders of the union are actually floppy jelly with some 1980s style shoulder pads.

  5. Yes. Yes, he and the situation are just that bad.

    Take it you also caught his bumf on the Joint EUROPEAN Torus (Fusion Reactor project)? Oh Jinkies! 😯

    People? Do NOT say you weren’t warned.

  6. Before making cheap gags about the surnames of the present and former first minister (though, to be fair, the term ‘Johnstone’, sometimes, as a much cheaper gag, prefixed with ‘enormous’, is also sometimes bandied around as a fully justified prerogative), in its speech, the lying, philandering oaf said, ‘We will take back control of our fisheries and the extraordinary marine wealth of Scotland’. Myself, I think Scotland should have that responsibility, at least for the Scottish part.

    It also said, ‘We export Jason Donovan CDs to North Korea’, where the availability of CD players may be somewhat limited, and ‘when the chlorinated chickens waddle from the hencoop where they are hiding’, which is pure gibberish on several levels.

    The gibberish extended into the proposals to completely trash the negotiated, but not ratified, EU withdrawal agreement, especially where it pertains to the island of Ireland. Or perhaps it is deliberate gibberish aiming to shift the blame for a No Deal to the EU which the UK meeja will undoubtably fall for.

    Meanwhile, in Scotland’s Court of Session, Joanna Cherry, Jo Maugham QC and Dale Vince are petitioning for a Nobile Officium which, for the lying philandering oaf, is handily abbreviated to Nob. Off. The petition calls for the court to sign a letter to the EU requesting an extension to article 50. Should this petition be successful, and the lying philandering oaf has not requested an extension as required by the Ben Act, then brexiteers darn sarth are going to be pure ragin mad.

  7. The King with no clothes comes to mind on the Tory faithful, but the masses can be swayed by the Torygraph to “not let the side down” even when represented by one of the greatest charlatans in British political history.
    The “permanent armagammon” had me in stitches, probably the most incisive comment on the last 3 years plus..

    • I think you should re-name that ‘newspaper’, Bob, considering who contributes to it and whose fan-club it is.

      How about ‘the Daily Boris’?

      (One of the few times I will deign, to refer to the inhabitant of Number 10 by one of his first names.)

    • They are all in thrall to this clown doing their bidding WS, Scum, Daily Smell, Daily Depress, and all the other propaganda tabloids, once they realised they could make the news rather than analyse and report it I gave up paying to read them…
      OT – I was asked recently about all 4 countries (not quibbling over titles) that make up the DuK and was stumped when it came to describing the Welsh as it hadn’t arisen before.. Turns out Wales is “Țara Galilor”, and a Welshman is a “Gal”… So there you go gal 😉

      • Not sure I really follow, the last para., Bob. Do you mean in Romanian that my homeland is called ‘Tara Galilor”?

        I’d prefer this, myself … 🙂

        Also, I hoping I’m not casting aspersions, but I think you’re referring to me as ‘gal’ (in order for the pun to work.) If not, I apologise immediately for what follows.

        What I do know in my 51 years on this planet is that a lot of non-Taffs mistake my first name for a female one. Let me assure you that I am like Sean Connery/Shaun the Sheep and a male equivalent of ‘John’. (Sian – with an ‘a’ – as in BBC’s Sian Williams or actress Sian Phillips is ‘Jane’). We don’t really have a ‘j’ in our alphabet – ’twas the English who gave us ‘Jones’. (Another ‘benefit of Union’. Aye, right, enough …)

        Yours fighting the good fight.

      • It appears so, and the gal indeed was a poor attempt at punnery.. “velșă” also turns up on GT (as ever, unreliable) which is nearer the modern adjective “welsh”.
        “Wales” had been recognised before, but drew a blank on this occasion, so Googled it, and that term was recognised. As the other 3 countries are short terms such as Irlanda, it was “the land of” which surprised me.
        Between the Irish, Welsh and Scots there there are some wonderful old names and pronunciations, nice to see them persist in an age of Tiffanys and Zoes.. 😉

  8. Thanks for cutting through the latest load of dross Paul and bringing us all up to date.

    There’s so many things to feel angry about right now but for me it’s the
    empowerment of people like the despicable Arlene Foster and the DUP on the one hand with never a mention that a majority in NIreland voted to remain in the EU on the other. That majority however won’t be gagged or quelled for much longer if the news earlier tonight is anything to go by.

    The Tories barged into this Brexit business with no idea of the manifold repercussions, short and over the long term, and more than anything didn’t give one hoot for the implications for Scotland, Ireland and Wales. They just rode roughshod over their “territories”, but it looks as though it’s now dawned on them that at the very least they need Scotland, the cash cow, but it’s too late. As you say in your latest National article, “The Union is dead. It has been killed by the Unionists.” A taste of their behaviour can be witnessed on here.

    Many posters have berated Nicola Sturgeon for not holding Indyref2 over the last three years and yet it’s clear to see that if she’d done so we’d have more than likely lost it. She made it clear that when the Brexit (or not) deal was clarified she’d name the day and you can see, with all the twists and turns that have taken place, why that’s been an imperative for her and more so us. Critical for her to find herself in a position to make comparisons between what’s on offer in relation to an Independent Scotland and the alternative, the details of which which will unfold over the next few weeks or so unless there’s an extension.

    And when we get to that point in time I’ll be looking forward to a date being announced and the Scots being bombarded with influential facts / information made available to them via your Ginger book Paul, the SNP literature, Wings WBB, itstimescot, Gordon MacIntyre-Kemp etc, etc. It’s going to be another David versus Goliath contest, but like David we’ll win. Nothing surer. That unicorn unshackled, the chains lying on the ground outside Buckie, is a wee omen, lol.

  9. Here some positive news, Tim Rideout has put together a nicely laid out, clear, website on how a new Scottish currency can be easily introduced:

    He includes sections on economic reasonings and things to – I would say a handy link to have for when we get bombarded with the inevitable, but what currency will you use, questions. Tim makes a lot of sense on this issue.

  10. For Scottish tories, how about: “Nasty McNastyparty”?
    Replying to panda paws – don’t worry about the National Debt, it’s just one way of describing what is actually a savings account. See Stephanie Kelton in this excerpt from a longer explanation of Modern Monetary Theory: No need to point this out to Johnson though as to see things this way he would need to accept that the whole austerity lie was based on a misunderstanding of what money is.

  11. In the news that ‘Jerusalem’ is the nation’s [sic] favourite hymn.

    Time for a pastiche, methinks …

    12. (of 20.)

    “New Jerusalem”

    And do those voters in present time
    Walk into Scotland’s Party home?
    And has the one, our Nicola,
    To Scotland’s pleasant pastures come?
    And does the countenance divine
    Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
    And is our future builded here
    Midst town and glen and mountain rills?

    Bring me my SNPers: both young and old!
    Bring me my Scots of desire!
    Bring me my destiny: as yet untold!
    Bring me my patriots on fire!
    I will not cease from mental fight;
    Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand
    Till we have builded here
    A new and free; our own Scotland.

    [With acknowledgements]

    • Thanks for that Legerwood. Great article whereby John Crace can surely see right through LLBJ. Too bad that journalists like him don’t get the opportunity to grill the narcissistic liar / s.

      • CH4 News don’t get to grill him either apparently. Bojo gave interviews on Tuesday to all the networks except CH4 so Krishna Guru Murthy roaster JRM instead.

  12. Nicola Sturgeon was interviewed by Peston last night and put every other Westminster and Holyrood political leader to shame. I’m sure that many English people watching the programme were wishing, that they too had a leader like her. How lucky are we? Thank God we have her in place, in particular at this critical time in our history. Can you imagine where we’d be heading right now without her? Leonard? Carlaw? Rennie? And then we have the SNP MPs at Westminster unrelentingly putting up a real fight. Remember the days, and not so long ago, when Scottish Labour MPs ruled the roost down there?

    Additionally there was a mention on Peston that Ian Blackford is totally frustrated with the cross party talks on bringing LBJ down…. “We’re getting nowhere”, he said. No doubt Swinson et al who professes to not only being totally against a No Deal Brexit but rather wanting to stymie Brexit altogether is jiggering the whole thing up. This current issue is like some kind of a nightmare where total narcissistic ignoramuses are playing a wee egotistical game with each other at the expense of millions in the UK. Hell mend the lot of them. Let’s get out of this bl**dy bourach and leave them all to get on with it: Lie, bray, moo, bah, snort, snigger and neigh at each other across the floor in the Commons to their hearts content. Laughingstock of the World right enough. Always has been and surely will be forevermore now. Mother of all Parliaments (another lie) being exposed now as being one of the most undemocratic Parliaments in the so-called civilised World.

  13. I have come to the conclusion that Boris is actually a Stalinist. Not only does he want to be a dictator, but is, like Stalin, intent on ruining the economy of the whole country. Moreover, he appears to have adopted Stalin’s motto, which he stated as being “Promises are like pie-crusts, made to be broken.”

    • Och, Petra, I am in the midst of some ‘family-ing’ at the moment, and have been well warned; it seems that I may prefer to spend some ‘quality time’ in the Real World while the Man Child Johnson is paraded before the masses by his 1% Establishment Handlers.

      They stopped short of dressing him in a clown’s outfit, with red nose, giant polka dot bow tie, and riding a unicycle while juggling his balls in the air around the Manchester Rally stage.

      They loved him and his stand up routine.

      The Speaker being forc fed a kangaroo’s bollocks brought the house down.

      ;Never since Thatcher’, a wizened old card carrying fascist ‘purred’ as she shuffled from the hall, aglow with the post coital tremor of a Born Again Commie Crusher.
      Thatcher’s back!

      The news outlets spent the evening attempting to con us into agreeing that the alternative to the backstop, with Arlene Foster, who would chemically neuter LGBT citizens, that the Earth was created 4000 years ago, and has still to be held to account for the millions of £’s given to her Farmer Friends in the Cash For Ash con, is to be the final arbiter, not the governments of 27 European countries in the biggest free trading bloc in the world.

      Stormont, which hasn’t sat for 3 years, will stop the European World in its tracks in 4 years time, and according to many a TV pundit, mostly London English, this compromise has legs, and the EU might ‘blink’, throw Ireland under one of Boris’ Wrightbuses, and accept a giant rupture in the European border.

      A lass fronting Newsnight last night actually blurted out in mock ridicule, when grilling the Red Tory Spokesman, ‘are you saying that a few checks in warehouses would spark violence?’

      Reductionism to absurdity as they closed down for the night, and England teeters on the edge of financial, social, and political ruin.

      It’s out of control now.

      England is about to erupt.

      • Jack,

        Phillipe Lamberts, MEP, was interviewed last night by Kathy Newman on CH4 news about the Brexit proposals. He was pretty scathing and from his remarks it was quite clear that the EU are very aware of the situation re Stormont, basically it’s shut, a fact that did not please Ms Newman. Clearly no criticism of the plan was to be tolerated.

        Here is the link to the interview. When you click the start button it takes you straight to the start of the interview in question

        Later she interviewed another two people from Ireland and was not too happy with their responses either.

        Word seems to have gone out that no fault/criticism of the plan is to be aired.

        • I missed that interview, so many thanks for raising it. The two Irish section exemplified why I despair of current “British” journalism… Cathy Newman approached it from a London-only perspective, ignoring what is required of the EU to compromise is fundamental principles which are applied to ALL countries outwith the EU. To then blithely dismiss two Irish people’s grave concerns over rupturing Ireland’s progress after so many decades of cohesive progress is at best purile.

    • The Ringling Brothers could never have topped the Tory Conference for audacity, it has been a con-artist convention led by the con-artist in chief.
      Arlene’s misrepresentation as spokesperson for the entirety of the NI is even angering some in her own minority, Johnson et al’s antics have stretched diehard unionism to breaking. Unionist extremism may currently be held in check, but when “no surrender” is a tinderbox and the politicians are playing with matches, it’s not going to end well…
      The “outrage” of the Sinn Fein MEP stretches NI hysteria from the other perspective, a truckload of Irish Customs liveried cars takes months to prep and was part of a scheduled fleet upgrade and update.
      Frustrations over the Home Counties wet european dream is everywhere but nerves are getting particularly frayed in Ireland, north and south.
      I heard from one friend in Limerick that there is resurgent grumbling in nationalist ranks, the antics of Foster and the London Tories are not going down well there at all.
      MSM misrepresenting this as purely a trading matter not only ignores the nerve it touches in Ireland, it wilfully ignores the specific EU requirements for third countries. Mushroom journalism, or propaganda?
      IMHO, England is likely to erupt anyway Jack… Uncorking disenchantment with government and judiciary alongside rising English Nationalism/Exceptionalism to spur the Brexit strategy will not suddenly disappear, that particular genie will not be going back in it’s bottle anytime soon.

      • By stealth, I’m catching up via I Player and so on.
        Stephen Barclay on the BBC Morning Propaganda organ BBC Breakfast this morning.
        He lied of course, announcing that there were technological solutions to the Border challenges, and any way they won’t be needed until December 2020, and that the Britsh public voted to Leave and just whnt Brexit to get done so that the country, that’s England, can get on with the real issues like 40 new English NHS Hospitals, 20,000 more English Police, and 100’s of millions invested in English schools.
        The Remain voting Irish and Scots can go and take a running jump to themselves.
        Meanwhile B-Lister Jack, the newly elevated hunting and shooting millionaire farmer Grand Panjandrum of the Scotland ‘territory’ declares his backing for a Union Day Public Holiday, to replace one of the ‘Left wing’ days.
        This is backing Scotland, Brit Nat ProudScotBut style.
        The Red and Beige Tories are strangely quite this week….

        Be vigilant, Bob.
        Pikestaffs ate the ready!
        We are literally within days of the Great Failing.

  14. I notice there was a request for the following. So, acknowledging Rabbie (again) and with thanks to WGD for allowing publication and for those who like this sort of thing.

    15. (of 20.)

    Scots Wha Hae – Reprise

    Scots, wha hae wi’ Salmond bled,
    Scots, wham Sturgeon has aften led,
    Welcome tae yer gory bed
    Or tae destiny.

    Now’s the day, an’ now’s the hour:
    Seize oor chance a’ last fir power.
    See the fearties start tae cower.
    Scotland will be free!

    Wha will be as cruel as Tojo?
    Wha will bow tae Lunnon’s BoJo?
    Wha sae base as lose his mojo?
    Let him turn an’ flee.

    Wha fir Scotland’s Pride an’ Aw’
    Freedom’s sword will strongly draw?
    Bondsman stand or Freeman fa’:
    Let him follow me.

    By th’ oppressive woes and pains,
    Of oor sons in servile chains,
    We will drain oor dearest veins
    But we shall be free!

    Lay Westminster oh so low.
    Traitors fall – like every foe.
    Liberty’s oors wi’ every blow!
    Let us vote fir SNP!

    Songs for the New Politics

  15. LBJ may be causing havoc with the constitution right now, but aside from ridiculing him (yeah that’ll work), what exactly are the opposition/remainers doing? Thye have had more than a week now but still they cannot agree how to do the necessary. The LibDems refuse to cooperate because they don’t want Corbyn to be PM, even for a few days. All this guf about “Corbyn doesn’t have the numbers, blah blah” is rubbish. If the LibDems came onboard, then the tory rebels would just have to abstain to ensure LBJ’s removal. JC doesn’t have the numbers cos you would vote against him duh!

    If we do end up crashing out of the EU at the end of the month, the blame will fall squarely on those great heroes of Remain, the LibDems. Wot a bunch of fraudsters. The Great Remainer Jo Swinson seems to be willing to sacrifice our EU membership, just to stop JC getting the keys to No 10. Pathetic. Hopefully the voters will wake up in time and see this little charade for waht it is.

  16. Panda Paws @6.22pm has included the link to the national debt web site growing at over 5K per minute.

    Here is the web address of the Norwegian oil fund which highlights what should have been aceived with our oil and gas industry as to what Westminster actually did with it.

    A good idea to bookmark both together in the favourites in your smartphone or tablet as useful informatioin/amunition in any “we´re too poor”debates you might find yourself involved in!

  17. Oh Dear! The failure of the opposition to build on the Supreme Court decision, namely the intransigence of the LibDems has handed the initiative back to LBJ. He is running rings round the remainers.

    LBJ has them boxed into a corner. Unless LBJ bottles it at the last minute, the only option left may be the nuclear button – for the remainers may be to revoke Article 50. Will they have the guts to do it?

    Mmmmm. 🙂

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