Don Canleone and the Bru bottle mafia


It’s official people. Satire is dead. It has been killed by Reporting Scotland, who in their efforts to out SNPbad the SNPbaddest of the print media are now reporting old episodes of Seinfeld as news. The story concerned the Scottish Government’s proposed scheme to charge a deposit of 20p on plastic and glass bottles and drinks cans which would be refundable when the drink container was returned to a recycling depot. The idea is to reduce the amount of plastic, class, and aluminium which isn’t recycled.

It’s a good idea which works very well in other places. In the US state of Connecticut there’s a 5 cent deposit on bottles and cans. There are bottle and can return machines in major supermarkets and malls. You never see any cans or bottles lying around as rubbish in the street because people collect them in order to return them and collect the deposit. A number of places in Europe have a similar scheme. Everywhere which has introduced it has found that it works well and is a good way of ensuring that less waste which could be recycled ends up in landfill. A recent study of a bottle and can deposit scheme in the American state of Oregon found that it was successful in obtaining a return rate of over 90% of all the cans and bottles sold in the state. It’s a good idea, and everywhere it has been introduced it has been successful.

Despite that, it couldn’t possibly work in Scotland. This country can’t have nice things. And we most certainly can’t have any nice things if that thing has been proposed by Thatessempee. We were solemnly told in this evening’s edition that the Scottish Government’s proposed bottle deposit scheme was going to run into severe difficulties because crooks would fill up lorries with bottle and cans and import them from England in order to make a quick profit. When I was a wean there was a 10p deposit on Barrs Irn Bru bottles. We used to call them gless cheques. But I don’t recall any gless cheque ginger bottle mafia raking in millions. Perhaps my memory is just faulty because someone mugged me for an empty bottle of cream soda and I am suffering from post traumatic scoosh syndrome.

This all sounds very familiar to the warnings prior to the introduction of the minimum price scheme for alcohol that people would be organising booze trips in order to stock up with bevvy in Carlisle and Newcastle. That didn’t happen either.

Yes. This was an actual news story. BBC Scotland actually decided to take up some of your time and warn you about the risks of people raking in a massive profit from a proven scheme to recycle bottles and cans. The Tories are being funded by dark Russian money, conspiring with the Brexit party to take remain voting Scotland out of the EU against its will and telling us that it doesn’t matter how we vote we won’t be allowed to have another independence referendum under any circumstances. Scottish democracy itself is being trashed. But never mind that, ran the thinking in Pacific Quay’s news editorial team, some guy with a vested interest is making entirely spurious claims about putting a deposit on ginger bottles. Let’s run with that instead.

Never mind the drug trade, Scotland will be plagued by gangs running plastic bottles and drink cans. Bru is the new cocaine. Innocent passers by in Govan will be drive by casualities of Don Canleone of the recycling mafia taking out the Russian Plastikbottlov gang in order to steal their stash of empty bottles of Fanta. Pensioners in Berwick and Carlisle will be the hapless victims of Scottish thugs mugging them for their bottles of dandelion and burdock. But that’s if they can get there, as muggers and booze trippers heading south are likely to collide with all the lorries packed full of bottles and cans heading north and there will be traffic chaos on the A1. Did the SNP not think this through!

Tomorrow we can expect to see an earnest report from Scotland in Union telling us that the trade will be worth billions annually because in an independent Scotland we’ll be using bru bottles as currency. Still at least that ought to put their interminable banging on about what currency are you going to use eh eh? to bed. Oh woe! Oh Scotland! You can’t ever have any nice ideas. We’re the only country on the planet that’s incapable of having money or even gless cheques.

What Reporting Scotland didn’t tell you was that this idea was the basis of an episode of the US sitcom Seinfeld in 1996. In the two part episode The Bottle Deposit, the 21st and 22nd episodes of season seven of the popular comedy show, the character Newman learns that there’s a 10 cent deposit on bottles and cans in the state of Michigan, as opposed to the 5 cent deposit in New York, and becomes obsessed with finding a way to load up a truck full of bottles and cans to take to Michigan in order to profit from that state’s deposit scheme. Naturally all Newman’s scheming comes to naught. But who needs episodes of Seinfeld when we have Reporting Scotland, killing satire for us every evening in our living rooms.

Nowhere else where a drinks container deposit scheme has been introduced has suffered serious issues with Don Canleone and the Bru Bottle mafia. What also didn’t happen was any serious attempt on Reporting Scotland to rebut the story as the pile of steaming unrecycled crap that it is. But hey, we’re in an election and the priority is to make sure that Scotland doesn’t fall prey to those vile separatists with their dangerous notions of ridding the land of plastic waste. Can we please put a 20p deposit on the Tories and whoever it is who decides on what is going to be the news agenda on BBC Scotland? There’s a lot of us who would like to return them as well.

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51 thoughts on “Don Canleone and the Bru bottle mafia

  1. The reporter could barely keep a straight face at times when he was doing the report in the studio.

    It was the most ridiculous report.

  2. We have been recycling cans and bottles et al for DECADES here in Calgary. The same principle ….a few cents more at the source, fully refundable when they are returned to a bottle depot.

    Girl guides and different clubs go door to door to collect them to help with funds.

    We have bottle pickers raking through recycling carts in the alleys.

    Most of them get returned, one way or another.
    It’s a win win situation.

    Like you Paul….only 25 years earlier, I remember there was a deposit on bottles and Jam Jars, which if I remember, were legal tender some time before that, at the Saturday Matinee!!

    Jobs are created at the Bottle Depots, the place gets cleaned up…what’s not to like?!

    • Got your email Molly, but sending/replying is a bit sticky at the moment.

      You’re right though. A wee bit shaky on the finer point, but hit the nail on the head over the general issue. 🙂

  3. The Herald was at it today too:

    Its headline screams:-

    “Anger as Glasgow City Council scraps Lord Provost’s Burns Supper for second year!!!!!!!!”

    The hack peddling this outrage, Stephen Naysmith, reiterates his rage in the Evening Times too.

    The source of this anger ? One wee Labour Councillor.

    “Paul Carey, Labour councillor for Anniesland and Drumchapel, said this was a ‘poor excuse’ and said a decision should not have been taken until a new Provost was appointed, or alternatively, a decision should have been taken with the involvement of the Deputy Lord Provost Bailie Philip Braat. ”

    “We were told last year the event was only going to take place every two years, and that was outrageous,” he said.
    “This event raises a lot of money for goodwill charities and many of them depend on it.”
    This should be a political decision, not one made by council officers. I think there will be a backlash from the public.”

    And then the really SNP BAD bit.

    “He said it was embarrassing that last year Ms Bolander had cancelled the Glasgow event then flown out to take part in a Burns Supper in Germany.

    “It made us look pretty foolish that she had to fly thousands of miles to another country to celebrate Burns and we couldn’t do it in our own country.”

    “We should wait until Glasgow has a new Lord Provost and it will be up to him or her to decide.”

    Then towards the end of this ridiculous piece of gibberish, Naysmith has to print the facts, long after the casual reader has lost interest in this non-story.

    “A spokeswoman for Glasgow City Council said: “The Lord Provost’s Charity Burns Supper 2020 has been cancelled due to lack of interest.

    “Unfortunately numbers have been dwindling steadily in recent years so the decision was taken to cancel the event due to be held at the Double Tree by Hilton Hotel on Friday 24 January 2020. Next year’s event was proving financially unviable to run. ”

    Apparently only 14 of the 56 tables ( £1000 a table) had been sold, and the event was no longer financially viable due to lack of interest.

    Of course the article provided a link to another SNP BAD story, Bolander’s Imelda Shoegate scandal.

    So Naysmith;s ‘Anger’ is from a Labour friend, and the Council has not ‘scrapped’ anything. It has made an economic decision not to hold an event which will lose money, my money, my rates.

    How many masonic halls are there in Scotland?

    They all run a Burns Night do.

    Surely Mr Carey has a mason mate who can get him a ticket in Drumchapel or Anniesland?

    Like the Can Smugglers of Carlisle this is pathetic propaganda rubbish disguised as news.

    ‘Naysmith’, well named.

    Do they actually pay these Brit Nat hacks to churn out rubbish like this?

    You bet they do.

    Their mission ? Belittle Scotland, and crush the Scottish spirit.

    We are peeing ourselves laughing, Mr Naysmith, peddler of NO.
    We are laughing at you. Must look out for more of your scoops, because we enjoy a good laugh.

    How’s that for a ‘backlash from the public’?

    PS Molly, I recall over 30 years ago returning crates of Labatt and Molson bottles when I visited my brother on holiday in Acton Ontario.
    We used jam jars in the 50’s to get in to the Regal cinema in Dalmuir, and there was a refundable deposit on Barrs lemonade, and so on.

    They really are a twisted team at the Ministry of Truth on the Clyde.

    It is nothing new, and it works.

    Bisous, cher..

    • Wasn’t it only a few years back that Barrs scrapped the refund on their bottles? i still have onw somewhere with “20p deposit ” printed on the lid. We always took our lemonade bottles back to the ice cream van and got an ice cream in return.

  4. I say keep on keeping on, BBC. Even the most ignorant of Scots must be seeing right through all of this scraping the bottom of the barrel crap. Then we have the day after day BBC reports of findings from Freedom of Information requests. We political anoraks know that they’ll pluck a wee snippet from the findings that suits their Baad SNP / anti-Independence agenda, but once again the non-political folks must be shaking their heads in bewilderment and wondering where the SNP / ScotGov will find the money to pay for the ever increasing “problems” that the BBC has managed to dig up. Problems that don’t compare to those south of the border.

    Meanwhile they won’t report on this. Swinson (LIBDEM) has been a key player in relation to the implementation of Tory austerity “measures”, that have resulted in over 100,000 people dying prematurely. Many from suicide.

    This article just highlights how Swinson IS truly a cruel, callous little bast*rd and I hope that it gets spread far and wide, especially before the 12th of December. I reckon that the Libdems will come to regret, big time, ever making that nasty wee charlatan, con wummin, their leader.

  5. Pingback: Don Canleone and the Bru bottle mafia | Stuart S. Laing

  6. Funny thing is that the new border posts will crush all this recycled cans of worms. Bring it on! I remember one dark winter night before payday, getting all the ba bru bottles out of the cellar and lo and behold, enough for a wee bevvy. Those were the days. Bbc, what a laughing jock you are!! 🤣

  7. I have stopped watching any political/news from the BBBC for the last 4 years , having decided it was all drivel , exaggeration and lies – seems they haven’t changed .

    The SNP should have salted that slug years ago.

  8. As a dessert to the John Crace main course, that was a delight which raised more than a few chuckles.

    The return of deposits to recycling should be applauded, period. PQ’s obsession with it’s own ‘political’ agenda dictates pursuing the schlock/horror line no matter how obtuse or ridiculous, but like any industrial noise, you learn to filter it out.
    MSM output is impressing fewer these days, but it’s momentum makes the inevitable crash with reality all the more poignant.
    When you look at party leaders they have sought to vilify and promote – Sturgeon’s credibility is exemplary. Corbyn is credible but lacking charisma. Neither Johnson nor Swinson are credible or honest. Farage was never credible and will ponce around as Lord Arthur Dailey.
    It’s not going well at Propaganda Central, and despite all the communist, anti-semitic, nationalist, bankrupt, capital-flight tropes they parade, their influence is finally waning, the end of Empire dawns.

  9. I am sooo looking forward to Corbyn’s two day visit to the Branch Office.

    The obliging hacks of the Brit Nat press have already given us a ‘will say’ sampler of the Great Man’s pitch when he visits 7 Labour held constituencies; but of course he won’t be calling in on the Butcher’s Apron suited Ian Murray in the leafy suburbs of Auld Reekie.

    He sacked him as Shadow SoS and installed that firebrand watshername, begins with an ‘L’, no don’t tell me ,it’s on the tip of my tongue….

    “Ahead of his visit, Mr Corbyn said:

    “A UK Labour government will provide the massive investment Scotland deserves.

    We will build the homes people need and end homelessness, tackle the climate emergency, provide a social care system that gives dignity to our older people and the carers who look after them, end child poverty and end fuel poverty.”

    This tired old Commie can’t even distinguish between devolved and reserved powers; perhaps he is in his dotage.

    His own Branch Office Team fear the worst. It is muttered that he would be as well campaigning in Bogota as coming North to the Colony.

    He is even less popular Up Here than Johnson, and the polls show that the Red Tories (he is keeping Trident remember) have plummeted from the woeful 27% of the 2017 election to 12% now.

    Great work on rebuilding the Branch Office, Ricardo Lynnard.

    We have no tuition fees Up Here, scrapped prescription charges, the SNP are on course to build the 50,000 new homes promised, we have free care for the elderly, our NHS is in public ownership, we have scrapped toll charges on our bridges and roads….thanks to devolution.

    On another Indyref, Corbyn the Commie is as imperial as his Blue Tory Pals.

    “He would not give powers for another separation vote ‘any time soon’ but would ‘do so at a much later stage’.
    Yet another Empire 2 Englishman forbidding us from doing what is our right, to democratically choose our own path in the world.

    Here’s more from the obliging Brit Nat hacks:

    “Ahead of his whistlestop tour, the Labour boss pledged a “massive investment” in Scotland and to deliver real change through radical policies” if he becomes PM.”

    So that’s it.
    Unspecified ‘massive investment’, and ‘real change’ for the Jocks.

    I’m sure that will go down well with the citizens of Bogota.

    Barrhead, not so much.

    Where can I go to meet him and indulge in a bit of Glesga banter?

      • As Gore Vidal once quipped, Sion, ‘Violence is the last resort of an exhausted mind’.
        I’m dying to hear about extra police, NHS funding, more for schools, HS2 and free prescriptions, and no tuition fees, and child care and care for the elderly, in England, from Corbyn the wielder of Weapons of Mass Destruction.
        Distorting Scotland will have pictures: Jeremy waving to the massed throng of a dozen young Momentum stooges who will have dogged school or Uni to bow at the feet of the Great Grey Marxist God.
        I wonder; will it be Toodle Oo The Noo, Glenn Campbell, Sarah Smith or Andrew Kerr fronting the piece, or maybe even, interviewing the Great Man.
        12%, 7 MPs out of 59, and he’ll get the coverage of Jesus and the Second Coming.
        Sad really.
        Reival Alderton (?) had a dummy run yesterday on Radio Jordanhill reporting on failed SNP NHS targets.
        Lots of lies unchallenged will be trotted out by the Islington market gardener.

  10. Just worked out the EBC coverage, Paul.
    They’ve taken on staff from Private Eye.
    The army is being sent to the Midlands floods, all One Hundred squaddies. That’s one for every hundred square miles.
    Snow has fallen in the Grampians and this has caused flooding, what?
    The prince of whales is making a donation to repair a Deeside bridge damaged in 2015, no hurry there then.
    Passenger numbers are down at Edinburgh airport, it is winter.
    Corbyn’s labour are going to outspend Slab in Scotland, it’s a promise, promise.
    The EBC output is balanced and fair.
    Roll on a proper media in Scotland, we’re old enough to give up the comics, we can read real books and spot the chancers.
    A brexit party MEP , elected in Scotland, decides to resign BUTT not from the EU parliament that pays his wages to represent Scotland, chancer.

    • You forgot about the worms eating the sewage, Dave.

      I wonder if Corbyn will nip in to Faslane and inspect his nuclear subs?

      Will Neil Findlay appear on Brewer’s Droop backing Jeremy’s plans to waste £200 billion on renewing Trident?

      Will Johann Lamont back the Red Tories in giving away all those ‘free things’ like no tuition fees, free care for the elderly, and a publicly owned NHS?

      • Aye Jack
        Just like the matinee, Look in for next week’s thrilling instalment.
        Wasn’t that a bit of the script from an American sitcom.
        Will there be a murder in Eastenders?
        Will doris send in the troops to buck house for a changing of the guard.
        Will the tories actually build a single house for rent in englandland.
        Will there be any candidates left to stand after all the historic tweeting.
        Will doris survive the next election as mp let alone pm.
        Not next weeks instalment just have a look at further down in the site, auld fake news from weeks ago, you can’t get the staff now to run instantaneous media, just recycle the old stuff.
        Love the idea of a new soap, the Chookie of Embra, tales of border tax evasion and plastic bottle smugglers at Hardian’s Wall.

    • Dave if it were the ‘Home Counties’ that had floods caused the by the privatisation of English Water, Charles would be out there in his Barbour and Wellies pointing at puddles and looking concerned.
      There would be 20,000 troops deployed, and Chinook helicopters rescuing the stranded.
      We all know why this happened. Massive cut backs by Johnson’s and Jo Swinson’s Collaboration in the early years of the Austerity (cuts) purge of social funding.
      Yorkshire and the East Mids (of England) who gives a feck?

  11. Just as well no one watches the BBC/ MSM news anymore. The SNP keep winning. It must really hack them off.

    What happened to the Leveson commission verdict. Murdoch got away with £30Billion, after ruining the world economy. The Brexit catastrophe. Enough is never enough for the financial crooks and their political associates.

    The SNP Gov doing so much to relieve poverty and make life better in Scotland.

  12. Getting back to the story, I’m sure it’s not beyond the smart folk in Holyrood to put a special sticker on bottles and cans sold in Scotland, and only refund the deposits for bottles and cans with the special sticker attached.

    • They had a sensible discussion on this yesterday during the committee meeting at Holyrood. Scottish bar codes for example to identify the refundable Scottish cans/bottles. Not that the Tories or the British media were ever going to cover the professional way all the stakeholders contributed to the discussion.

      Just more Britnat media nonsense and SNP baaad. These people need to be cleared out after independence they are a disgrace.

        • Cubby, I managed to trace Corbyn in Scotland via the Telegraph’s Youtube link.

          He was in Scotstoun right enough, in the Heart Of Scotland Community Centre, not two miles from my pied-a-terre, and 50 yards from the BAE Scotstoun yard.

          His warm up act was Rickshaw Liverwurst who had to refer to notes and repeatedly referred to ‘This Country’ meaning the UK, which is of course definitely NOT a ‘country’, despite a sparse ‘audience’ which included about twenty snappers, a gaggle of Branch Office candidates, Frank the Pieman, Nick Eardley from the Ministry of Truth on the Clyde, and a wee wummin with a purple streak through her silver hair, who had come in out of the bitter cold, oh, and ‘Paul’, off camera, who presumably was Paul Sweeney, the man who promised a £200 million upgrade of the BAE Scotstoun yard and 13 Type 26 Frigates if we voted No (oops, that never happened) .

          Corbyn was indeed draped in a tartan (ish) scarf, and trotted out the usual ‘Next Time’ promises which successive Red Tories charlatans have peddled since Broon.

          He too repeatedly referred to ‘this country’ but managed to slip in the odd, ‘Scotland’, a couple of times, but I think that he got away with it.

          We are to get £77 billion investment apparently; God knows what for, but it will be ‘massive’.

          This is the best they can do to rally the Lost Vote.

          They have the unmitigated gall to believe that they need merely coory roon a wee podium in Scotstoun, and let the Meedja film it for relay via the Ministry of Truth later today, and the Jock Brit Nat Dead Tree Scrolls tomorrow and we will all keep the Red Flag flying.

          A sad wee gathering of interlopers, who have nothing new, never mind ‘real’ change to offer this country ‘Scotland’.

          Feck off back where you came from, Englishman.

          • I clearly tested Jeremy, the Old Grey Dogwhistle.

            The Islington Potterer was on the Ministry of Truth at lunch time declaring that he will not allow Indyref 2 during the first term of his Administration because he will be too busy taking us out of Europe and sorting the Health, Law and Order and Social Care crises in England.
            Does he not have a Malcolm Tucker to kick him on the shins every now and again?

            How can any visiting English politician come across so badly; he is an old style USSR bully.

            Nick Eardley had to report on this arrogant piece of demented nonsense from the Grey One, while pointing out that McDonnell had not dismissed Indyref 2 if that’s what the scvots voted for a lot sooner than 2025.
            Perhaps Corbyn needs a wee afternoon nap.

            On the ‘driverless bus’ feature: Boris’ bus? Corbyn’s ‘Real Change’ bus?
            They manage to trundle aimlessly along with any one steering.

            We are promised a ‘full roundup’ of the day’s campaigning in the teatime propaganda from the Quay.
            Should be fun.

  13. The stark contrast between the BBC Scotland & England’s reporting of the bottle & can recycling is quite revealing .

    The BBC in England give a pretty fair assessment of the scheme and go on to show how it works in many european countries .

    The BBC in Scotland however headline it as a big problem and could increase plastic waste as well possible cross border dumping to recoup deposit money ,doom doom doom .

    A wee comment to all staff employed by BBC Scotland if you dont speak up now and condemn the what your employer is willfully doing in twisting and perverting all news output to protect this rancid Union then i am afraid you will be judged guilty by association , and when independence is achieved you and your colleagues will be out on yer arses – no pension no severence pay try the English government who you have been working so diligently for ,because most Scots wont .

    • They have already been judged and found guilty
      They will be out once Scotland is independent
      Where will they get another job ?
      Who will employ them ?
      We will follow their every move and thwart any ideas of sneaking off
      their history will follow them

  14. just add it to the pile of other rubbish spewed out of “pathetic” Pacific Quay

    the fighting in the pubs over people insisting on smoking?

    the spivs offering 4p used ( single use ) plastic carrier bags outside supermarkets?

    the white vans selling cheap imported frosty Jack cider in a dark corner of a car park?

    Aye right !

  15. Organised crime rounding up empty bottles in England and filling lorries and taking them to bottle banks in Sainsbury’s in Scotland. Wow – what a joke – this is what passes as News in Propaganda Quay. Just how low can the Britnats and their colluding pals in the Britnat media go to make up SNP baaaad stories. Sadly there will be some poor souls in Scotland who will believe all this tripe.

    Next thing you know there will be shoot outs in England to defend their empty bottle territories and Reporting Scotland saying that SNP policies are causing deaths in England.

  16. Not being in the country I don’t get these things live (good for blood pressure though), finally caught up with the headline lead-in on Indyref Two and thought to share for those similarly abroad.
    Despite it’s brevity, it is quite sufficient to confirm Pacifier Quay continues it’s war of attrition against SG and SNP, but the deposit lead is beyond scraping the bottom of the barrel, look out Oz they’re headed your way….
    An absolute disgrace…

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