Tartan scarf, public schoolboy, or vote for a grown up

Bedecked in a tartan scarf in order to disguise himself as a native, Jeremy Corbyn came to Scotstoun in Glasgow today. It even has Scot in the name, how more Scottish do you want him to get? Not Scottish enough that the Labour party will respect the democratic will of the Scottish electorate if the SNP wins the General Election in Scotland – but tartan scarf! It’s the McCringe tartan, that’s Labour’s clan. Sadly it wasn’t enough for one local resident, a well known Christian fundamentalist extremist who supports Boris Johnson and thinks that Jesus wants us to hate on Muslims and gay people.

The Labour leader managed to muddy the waters of the stagnant pool which constitutes Labour’s policy on Scotland, but then this is Jeremy Corbyn here. No one looks at Jezza for a 10 second soundbite that plays well on the tellybox. What you get is a detailed exposition complete with footnotes, which is based on an extended metaphor about seizing the means of production in a Bolivian vicuña farm. And even then he manages to sound really bored when he’s telling you, despite the fact that socialism as it relates to the Latin American peasantry would be his specialist subject on Mastermind.

Anyway, the key point that he wanted to get across to his Scottish audience was that there would be no Scottish independence referendum within Labour’s first term in office. At the rate the Labour party is going, we’ll be lucky to have a Labour first term in office before the end of the 21st century. But let’s be kind and assume that Labour does manage to win the election, Jezza just told us that Scotland won’t be getting another independence referendum for at least five years.

There was the sound of screeching brakes from the Labour party’s press office afterwards, when a press release clarified that Labour’s position could change if the SNP win a majority in the Holyrood election in 2021, adding that the Labour leader didn’t think that the SNP could win a majority in 2021.

However when pressed by a journalist what he’d do if the SNP win a substantial majority of seats in the General Election, Corbyn sort of maybe perhaps possibly hummed and hawed a bit. “If the SNP win the majority of seats that’s the election of those MPs,” he said. Because apparently those MPs won’t be elected on any sort of a mandate at all. What we can be quite sure of is that there’s going to be many more SNP MPs in Scotland than Labour ones. Labour’s going to be lucky to hang onto a single seat, so they have no moral or democratic right to lecture Scotland on what Scotland can get.

Neither can the Tories, although that doesn’t stop them. The Tory policy on Scotland is Scotland gets what Westminster tells it, and if that means that Scotland can’t get another independence referendum until a majority of English MPs say so, then that’s just tough for Scotland. Precious union. The most perfect union of nations ever. Waugh waugh fnaugh fnaugh. Insert weak pun here. Fnaugh fnaugh waugh waugh.

We get plenty of soundbites from Boris Johnson. We also get some seriously dodgy analogies. In what was billed as his first keynote speech of the election campaign, the Prime Minister likened Brexit to a Pot Noodle. “It’s ready to go, just add water, stir in pot … it’s there,” he told us. Although it’s not as bad an analogy as some of his others. Like a pot noodle Brexit is unpalatable, tasteless, and cheap and nasty. It promises you a tasty meal and you end up with a disgusting mess that you can’t swallow and which you end up tossing in the bin. A few years ago someone said that pot noodle was the “slag of snacks”, and in the exact same way Brexit is the slag of politics.

Like all pronouncements from this Prime Minister, the latest speech was a confection of lies, wrapped up in a bow of deceit. Again he asserted as a fact that there’s a deal between Labour and the SNP. Although to be fair to Boris Johnson, not all of his speech was lies. Some of it was waffle, and some of it was racist dogwhistling. We even got British jobs for British workers. Still, it will play well to the kind of person who thinks that Scotland should just sit down, shut up, and do what its betters tell it. Which isn’t the likes of you or me.

The highlight of the speech, well I say highlight, was when Boris Johnson said that having referendums on the EU and Scottish independence would be “onanism”. There’s floods in Yorkshire, a report on Russian funding of the Brexit campaign and the Tory party that he’s hiding, he’s denying basic democratic principles in Scotland, and he chooses to talk about masturbation. Not so much throwing a dead cat on the table as throwing your schlong. And what he’s done in effect is to call those seeking another EU referendum or another Scottish referendum “wankers”. If he’s not talking about spilling seed he’s talking about spaffing it against a wall. That’s where British politics is at these days.

Back in the world of the grown ups, the SNP like the Lib Dems before them, have started legal action against the unconscionable decision of the UK broadcasters to exclude them from debates. The action of the broadcasters is particularly indefensible in Scotland, where the SNP is by far and away the largest party. Scotland is not merely some region. It’s one of the constituent nations of the UK, moreover it’s a nation which was denied the right to have control of broadcasting by Tony Blair’s government – despite a promise that broadcasting would be a devolved power. So it’s a double perversion of democratic debate for Scottish political distinctiveness to be drowned out by the issues and parties which dominate in England.

We can have the man whose commitment to Scotland consists of donning a tartan scarf. We can have a childish former public schoolboy with an obsession with masturbation. Neither of them respect Scotland. We need more grown ups in politics, not these no-marks and chancers. Some of the SNP candidates need your support. Please give generously to their crowdfunders.

Philippa Whitford – Philippa is a breast cancer surgeon who cares passionately about the defence of our NHS. The NHS is under threat like never before, we need people in Westminster who are able to speak up for NHS workers and service users articulately and knowledgeably. Help to re-elect her as MP for Central Ayrshire.

Anne McLaughlin – Anne is a tireless campaigner for local people in one of the most deprived constituencies in the whole of the UK. She previously served as MP between 2015 and 2017, her passion and commitment both to Glasgow North East and to Scottish independence make her the ideal person to return as MP.

David Linden – David is my local MP, representing Glasgow East. This is an area blighted by poverty and deprivation. It needs a strong local voice who will fight for the people of the East End. David was elected in 2017 on the slimmest of majorities, let’s make sure that he gets a landslide this time.

I’ll be punting a few other crowdfunders for SNP candidates over the next few days.

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36 thoughts on “Tartan scarf, public schoolboy, or vote for a grown up

  1. Somewhat impressively, Labour seem to think that their “no-one knows what our position on Brexit is today so give them yet another new one tomorrow” positioning has worked so well for them that they think it makes sense to do the exact same for indyref2.

    The mind boggles

    • Labour election leaflet pushed through my door today. No one stopped to canvass. This is what I read:

      “Get Brexit sorted by giving the people the final say.”

      ‘Course, this ‘policy’ [sic.] could change again by tomorrow …

  2. If Scotland had a fair, impartial media, this campaign, with these two utter plonkers, would a pro independence wet dream.

    But we don’t—Scotland has perhaps the lowest standards of journalism in the western world.

    • Gavin I agree completely with your sentiments. A media without honesty and balance I fear could win the argument and that depresses me.

  3. Gavin I agree completely with your sentiments. A media without honesty and balance I fear could win the argument and that depresses me.

  4. I’ll maybe let him off with the scarf. Seems it was given to him by Who Cares? Scotland, in a tartan designed by care experienced kids. And was the onanism, from the original press release, left out of the speech. Still a wanker though, more spaffing than spiffing.

    • Keith Roberts, I agree regarding the scarf.

      By coincidence, I happened to be in the community centre in Scotstoun when Mr Corbyn and his cavalcade arrived. I volunteer there every Wednesday and have done so for many years and I am not a member of the Labour Party.

      I saw him being presented with the scarf, which is as you describe and, rightly, he put the scarf on. I do not think it worthy of mention in this article, nor has it any relevance to the election or Scottish independence.

  5. Paul you’re on a roll, and it’s getting difficult to keep up, with one brilliant article after another! And great to see you encouraging others to support the SNP fundraisers.

    The SNP is looking ”to raise £50,000 in the next 48 hours to challenge the unfair and unjust debate format.”

    ‘If the broadcasters get their way, Scotland will be shut out of election debates. We’ve got a message for them today – You’re not on!”


    I see this is for SNP members only, however you can donate to the SNP here:-


    Please donate to put a spanner in their works. Ensure that our representative, Nicola Sturgeon, is heard. It’ll also be interesting to see if this is advertised on other pro-Independence blogs. Wings for one could raise this money within that timescale.

  6. These English politicians come to Scotland
    Get their photo taken and broadcast to us
    With them

    Holding a can of irn bru
    Wearing a tartan scarf
    Visiting a Scottish whisky distillery
    Eating a tunnocks tea cake or Crawford shortbread
    Or a fried mars bar

    Jokers , all of them
    They know nothing about how scotland lives

    They always choose things that are Scottish but things that English people back in their home country will laugh about

    Their photo ops are actually poorly disguised insults

    • Aye Terence seen it all before as soon as they open their gobs you can tell they have been briefed by the local idiots .
      I refer to the well used saying same shit different day , they never learn and never have .
      Oh Smiths on the telly i dont know what she is saying , but i again refer to the well used saying .

  7. Of course a minority Labour government are going to agree to be bound by the outcome of indyref2 in return for SNP support.
    All he is trying to do is appease what is left of British Labour support in Scotland by saying to them,just not yet.
    A dying breed.

  8. FGS we’ve now got Libdem, Tory and Labour politicians (or whatever) on BBC Debate Night stating that the SNP don’t have a mandate to hold another referendum. Lying through their teeth as usual. Thank goodness there’s someone on the panel putting them right. The audience seem to be on the ball too.

    Totally ironic, as they were discussing politicians lying to the population previously.

  9. We should be thankful that Scotland has had visits from Johnson and Corbyn in the first week of campaigning , so that will be the last we see of them until the end of the election . Small mercies !

    Has anyone noticed if her Maj. Jo Swinson the First has deigned to visit the little people up here in the hinterland of her domain ?
    And where is Alister Jack , Scottish supremo ? In the absence of Ruth the mooth , should he not be riding a water buffalo or taming a tank ( or is it the other way round ? ) in order to display his political acumen to the voters ?
    Or does he , as a gentleman , just pay some pleb to do that for him ? Enter stage right , Jackson Carlaw , beery face red raw from the cold …

  10. Watching BBC Scotland Debate Night for the first time and amazed by 2 things:
    1. They need to get Question Time to vet the Debate Night audiences which are far more representative of the public. Surely this can’t be right?
    2. Some bumptious wee Liberal I’ve never seen or heard of before is spouting off about there being no mandate for Indyref2 until 2044. Does anyone know if this little Windbag us for real or just a very early April Fool?

    • I only caught a fleeting glimpse of the programme as I turned on the telly to watch a youtube video and I am pretty sure it was Alan Reid, who was unfortunately the MP for Argyll and Bute until Brendan O’Hara put us out of our misery by beating him at the 2015 general election. He is yet to be kicked out of his councillor job though. He is for real but real facts just pass him by.

      • yeah, it was Alan Reid. I believe he’s standing again in Argyll&Bute. The best that could ever be said of him was that he was uncontroversial. Loved getting his picture in the local paper…turning up to open refurbed public conveniences, giving out prizes at the agricultural show…that kind of thing. His strong point is policy though…housing is a good thing, so is education, there should be opportunities and jobs for all…the SNP are bad though. Independence is bad and anyway we had a referendum on that…once in a generation…it was rejected by the electorate so there…yes, yes HE was rejected by the electorate but that’s different, he’ll be standing again…something, something democracy.

  11. The Nine is better news coverage. Debate night is watchable. They did not discuss the broken Vow that was given by Clegg, Cameron and Brown. Now all voted out. The broken promises. Then Evel the next day.

    Corbyn now at it again. More promises to be broken. The illegal wars the tax evasion and financial fraud. The revenues and resources illegally and secretly taken. Taxes and conscription for Westminster wars for centuries. Promises reneged upon.

    McCluskey now trying to stop free movement. Migrants come to Britain because of the illegal wars. Millions of displaced people. The EU contribution does not even cover the cost. The countries in Europe have to bear the cost of the UK/US illegal wars and interference.

    Labour caused the mess in the first place. They will cause another recession. Unemployment is going up because of Brexit. The economy will contract. That is already happening.

  12. Chapman the millionaire farmer who gets EU subsidies. A right wing Tory misogynist who was always slagging off Nicola. Racist and bigoted views.

  13. Such was my mirth halfway through the first sentence I will have to come back to this new edition of tartan and Scot 😂

  14. He could have turned up wearing full Highland dress, targe, broadsword and singin’ Donald where’s yer troosers. He’s still Jeremy Corbyn and he’d still deny Scotland’s population the right to govern in its own interests.

    That… doesn’t seem very democratic t’me. But still… TARTAN SCARF! 😀

  15. Just watching FMQs oh depressing fair on show .

    First Minister please please please stop giving the rancid Tory carpetbaggers any kind of respect , every Question should met with derision , point to them and question why they are there , question how many have been voted for by the general public , and how does the public get rid of that leech Murdo Fraser a character who has never won any , that’s every election he has ever stood in .

    The dramatic presentation of questions by Unionist parties must surely qualify for a Oscar , nothing is a simple question everything qualifies as a catastrophe , everything is Armageddon and devastation of Biblical Propositions . Give us a bloody break it’s becoming really boring .

    • Maybe he should use a pseudonym for elections, I think its allowed. Remember ‘Screaming Lord Sutch’ and ‘Mr Haddock’?

      ‘Screaming Blue Murdo’ could be a winner. 🙂

  16. Ever noticed that when a poltician says “Our position is clear…..”, followed by an evasive, muddy and convuluted explanation. Thye seem to think that just by saying “clear” that people will suddenly sit back and think “Oh so it is clear then. Silly me!”. 🙂

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