The oven ready chicken hiding in a fridge

Rejoice! Today the incredible happened. For a short period of time, Boris Johnson wasn’t telling any lies! We had to wait until the very last day of campaigning, but it has actually happened. I know, I scarcely believe it either. Amazing isn’t it. Admittedly it only happened because he was hiding in a fridge at the time, but still.

Boris Johnson hid in a fridge while on a visit to a milk business in Yorkshire in order to avoid being interviewed by Piers Morgan. When the Prime Minister was approached by the Good Morning Britain producer Jonathan Swain who asked if Johnson would do the interview, Johnson’s press secretary Rob Oxley – formerly of the obscurely funded Taxpayers Alliance – was clearly heard telling him for fuck’s sake and then pushing him out of the way. “I’ll be with you in a second,” lied Johnson, who then went off to hide in a fridge. Jonathan Swain should at least be grateful that Boris Johnson didn’t steal his phone first.

Now it does have to be said that under normal circumstances, it would be perfectly normal, indeed laudable, for a normal human being to say fuck off and hide in a fridge in order to avoid Piers Morgan, but Boris Johnson is not a normal human being under normal circumstances. He’s an aspiring Prime Minister who avoids all attempts at serious scrutiny because that will expose his lies, his deceit, and his mendacity. He’s an oven-ready chicken hiding in a fridge. Suddenly the phrase nuke the fridge has taken on a whole new meaning. Perhaps Johnson thought he was channelling Indiana Jones, but he was really just starring in the shittiest version of Frozen ever seen. The light went out when he closed that fridge door. It went out across the whole UK and won’t come back on again as long as he’s anywhere near power.

Boris Johnson has always fancied himself as a modern day Churchill. I don’t think the UK’s wartime leader was ever known to say “We shall fight them in the crisper, we shall fight them in the ice cube compartment, never have so many owed so much to a probiotic yoghurt.” This is the guy who the Tories told us was fantastic with the media, a great performer, unbeatable in his ability to connect. And now it comes to this, hiding in a fridge in order to avoid Piers Morgan.

There are even headlines saying that Boris Johnson was “accused” of hiding in a fridge. There’s no accused about it. We saw him physically scurry into a fridge in order to avoid being held to account. We saw him do it, lying leg movement by lying leg movement. There’s a video. If you vote for a guy who hid in a fridge in order to avoid a toilet, you deserve everything that you’re going to get. The problem is that the rest of us will suffer the consequences too. Of course this incident, which is the perfect metaphor for all of Boris Johnson’s many and manifest character flaws, was the lead story on the BBC news. Hahaha. Sorry. Just pulling your leg there.

Of course that didn’t happen. The incident wasn’t mentioned at all. No one who watched the main news bulletin on the BBC at 6 pm will have learned that the man who wants to be Prime Minister is an oven ready chicken who hides in a fridge. And neither will they have learned that their political editor Laura Kuenssberg is trending on social media because people are calling for her to be investigated for an alleged breach of electoral law when she revealed live on TV information about the results of postal votes.

But then there’s a lot which hasn’t happened during this election campaign. The media never held Johnson to account, and never ensured that the consequences of him avoiding scrutiny were worse for him than doing the interviews and debates in the first place. Because that’s the only way to hold a power hungry sociopath to account. They legitimised his cowardice, and ensured that he’ll continue with the same tactics, because they colluded in making it a beneficial strategy for him.

What didn’t happen in this campaign was for Laura Kuenssberg and Robert Peston to reveal who it was who had lied to them about the punch that never happened. Unlike many, I am not going to blame them for tweeting that it was alleged that an aide of the health secretary Matt Hancock was punched by a left wing protestor. Because if that had indeed happened that would have been news. But it didn’t happen. It was fake news, fake news designed to distract from the real news that Tory health cuts had resulted in a very ill four year old boy being left lying on a pile of coats on a hospital floor. But what I do blame those senior broadcasters for is not revealing who it was who had lied to them. That simply means that those same people can continue to lie, can lie in future, and can do so without facing the consequences.

What didn’t happen was the media going to town on the incredible and unprecedented fact that a former Conservative Prime Minister, a former Conservative Deputy Prime Minister, and a former Conservative Chancellor of the Exchequer have been urging voters not to vote Conservative because of the many and varied character flaws and lies of Boris Johnson and his pursuit of a damaging Brexit. This has never happened before, ever. In a normal media in a normal country this would have been a seismic event in an election campaign, as though George Bush had told voters to support a Democrat in a US presidential election. But it scarcely figured. As much if not more publicity was given by the media to some Labour party nonentities saying that they wouldn’t support Jeremy Corbyn.

What didn’t happen was any attempt by the UK media to acknowledge the fact that the UK is not England and that the UK doesn’t have a presidential system. It’s a product of the parochialism and monoglot English speaking nature of so much of the UK that their only model for election coverage is what they see in America. So we saw the largest party in Scotland being sidelined and ignored in TV debates, an inexusable move which is likely to have a direct effect on the election outcome in Scotland. But then that was the intention all along.

We’ve gone from die in a ditch to hide in a fridge. That’s the course of British politics in this election. God help us all if this creature is given a majority. In no small measure that lamentable outcome will be due to the failure of the British media to do its job properly. When it comes to the Conservatives, the British media are oven ready chickens hiding in a fridge.

This is the last post before voting starts.  I’ll leave comments open, however please don’t do a Kuenssberg and post anything about how voting is going in your area or about the results of postal voting if you are at the count.  While the polls are open it’s illegal to publish an exit poll or anything that could be construed as an exit poll.

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73 thoughts on “The oven ready chicken hiding in a fridge

      • Sorry to hear that you’re suffering such a loss, Welsh Sion. My commiserations to all who have been affected by this, at this time X


        It doesn’t bear thinking about. LBJ holding a majority on Friday morning. Your last article just summed it up for me, Paul, to the point that I broke down and started sobbing (unlike me) when I was reading it out to my husband and visitors to my home. This isn’t about us, especially if we are comfortably off. It’s about voting tomorrow for our children, grandchildren and the future of our country overall. It’s about voting for the MANY vulnerable people in our country who don’t have a voice. Get out tomorrow and vote SNP and consider helping others who don’t have the means to get out there to do so.


  1. Paul, I am going to compare you with someone who I hold in the highest regard. That person is Hans Litten. You might baulk at the comparison and I know Litten’s bravery is, with hindsight, beyond compare but that’s how I view you and others who stand firm in the face of the fascism that Johnson and his fellow travellers represent.

  2. Pingback: The oven ready chicken hiding in a fridge | speymouth

  3. I despair at the state of ”democracy ” in this country ( sic ) .
    What this GE has amply demonstrated is that the political system ( FPTP ) , the media ( especially the so called neutral BBC ) and , sadly , much of the English electorate are not fit for purpose .
    The FPTP system will remain as long as it continues to give the two main parties an advantage over all others ;
    The media can be excused by and large as they simply do what it says on the tin – the billionaire owned print media and Sky will continue skewing opinion for their own ends .
    The BBC is going beyond the pale . No longer can it ,nor some of those working within it purporting to be journalists , be trusted to do their jobs without fear or favour .

    However , it is the sheep-like nature of so much of the English electorate which I find especially disturbing . People who admit that for generations they could never contemplate voting Tory will happily vote for the most extreme Tory Party in living memory – a party that even former PM John Major will not endorse !
    People who cheerfully admit that they know Johnson is a liar but say ”they trust him ”! How can you respect these sorts of views ?

    Game of Thrones’ most famous line resonates with me as we await the result of this election -”Winter is Coming !”
    I fear that after tomorrow it will be a long , long cold Winter for so many of us in this country ( Scotland ) but ,like Brexit , it will have been inflicted on us by an ignorant / uncaring ( ? ) electorate in England .

  4. Lord, I needed that! 😀

    No, he’s not really leadership material. Anything but. There hasn’t been a leader in that parly for quite some time tbf. There’ve been policy gonks, number crunchers, josworths, the odd (very odd) soundbite personality and more than one with delusions of grandeur beyond their capabilities. Every single one of them, to a bod, had more twists than a corkscrew. Yer Alexander Boris De Pfeffel Johnson though? Jinkies!

    Fair to say that he’s left his mark on UK politics for all the wrong reasons.

    Neatly done Paul. 🙂

  5. Aye Auntie at it again,
    I guess ruthless comments on a good showing on postal votes 9.45 on live TV 2014 and no repercussions of her actions despite a year long Police investigation must have urged the BBC to have another go , but a bit earlier this time ,

    Dominic Raab and that well known Tory supporter Laura Kuenssberg have been reported to the Electoral Commission over comments both made about postal votes looking good for the Tory party .

    Either both are lying through their teeth to assist the Tory party , or they have information about the contents of these votes and some person has been tampering with the vote , this is not for the Electoral Commission this is a Police Matter .

    Might just be a coincidence I saw the other day a question to the Commission querying the legal implications of tampering, the reply was it MAY that’s right it MAY be an offence , are they f/kn Serious it MAY be a offence .

    Prediction Boris gets a majority but it’s tight we might as well all go home because it’s been bought and paid for judging by the amount of cash raised by the Tory party and that’s only the money they have declared .

    This Electoral Commission should be made as welcome as a fart in if lift if they try to get anywhere near the next INDY referendum , the UN or the EU should take charge .

    • I got another 2 leaflets from the Tories today. Possibly 10 in total ( I lost count)

      Contrast that with 2 in total from the SNP, and 1 in total from each of Labour and Lib Dems. None from the Greens.

      The Tories have the money. So not only do they cheat, lie and misrepresent they try to buy the election using dodgy money. Tories hiding the report on Russian donors etc.

      The good news was that the recent polling is showing East Ren turning yellow again despite the Tory leaflet barrage and Truthless Davidson turning up again.

        • Hunners, like hunners, in Sutherland from Jamie Stone, (lib dem mp) Wullie frae Keltie and faux jo sweensun Worried are they hmmmmm?? (one Tory one brexit party and a few SNP, nae labour )

  6. This reminds me of an incident I witnessed in the early 80’s in a restaurant kitchen I worked in at the time.

    An enterprising – and eagle eyed – ne’er do well had spied a full salmon resting serenely on a shelf of our walk-in fridge. Having loitered around the outer screen door of the kitchen for some hours, he surreptitiously slipped into the fridge in order to liberate said fish. Unfortunately for him, he was clocked by our temperemental head chef who deftly kicked the door shut behind him.

    We were, at that time, awaiting a repair to the door as it wasn’t possible to open it from the inside. It caused us no end of concern. Chef ordered everyone from entering the fridge until the end of service (around 3 hours). As we had all we needed out already, this was an easy order to follow.

    Around 3.30pm chef opened the door and released the chittering creature from his incarceration. We never saw him again.

    If only the situation had been the same.

    Regarding Kuenssberg’s deplorable behaviour; I seem to remember that we have been here before..

    • In BBC world Kuenssberg will probably get a bonus for her services to propaganda.

      Marr, Neil, Kuenssberg – the worst of the Britnats are often Scot Britnats. Mind you Glen Campbell takes some beating for his Britnastiness. Slimeballs the lot of them.

  7. Great articles thanks. I will be taking my pen to vote tomorrow. Not using a manky pencil, weird anyway making such an important decision/choice using a pencil.

    Fingers crossed, hoping to get out and help out a bit, all hands on deck!
    ‘mon the SNP!

  8. To quote a film “ I have a really bad feeling about this “ . The sheep south of the border are going to do something today we will all live to regret .

  9. Take a look at SOME of Boris Johnston’s lies. 60 of them.

    Vote for the SNP today to keep the Tories out.

    FGS I’ve just watched him head off to vote with his dog Dylan in tow. Poor wee dug being used by that charlatan. Plus his large entourage of “minders.” I wonder how many “minders” Nicola Sturgeon will have, need, when she goes out to vote today?

  10. Good luck, everybody.

    Tories have a 14 1 68 vote (25.4%) majority over Labour here. Others lost their deposit. Not going to be anything earth-shattering in South West Bedfordshire.

    See you on the other side – whatever that looks like.

  11. Good luck to all SNP candidates today and Neale Hanvey. I was wakened just before 6am by some LibDem Muppet putting an election leaflet through my door. I am not happy. You have to ask why are they delivering stuff at that time. Are they feart of being seen. I live in Jo Swinsons constituency . I think I have had 9 leaflets from the FibDems 6 from Snp and only 1 from nearly all the others.

    • it’s called a Good Morning leaflet, which the Liberals have been doing for decades now. Their other oddity is to deliver facsimiles of a hand written letter from their candidate. I got a card from Iain Murray telling me only he could stop the SNP in my seat, which I found as I set off to vote SNP frst thing this morning

      • It certainly didn’t give me a good morning being woken up at that time. I have had that type of leaflet from Jo of the dodgy accent at previous elections but none near as early in the morning.Just been to vote don’t think I will sit up and watch the results this time. Don’t think I could stomach mainstream media coverage, all of them are arms of the Tory propaganda servce these days

      • I can too. This is about power not principle, whatever you sell the public gets you power. Swinson in particular has previous on this, principles are for losers…

      • You may well be right. You obviously don’t think much of the trustworthiness of the Lib Dems if you think they would go that far. I think they are more likely to push for Corbyn to go and support a new leader but if Labour refused they may of course be tempted to use that as an excuse to support the Tories.

        We’ll see soon enough.

  12. Like many people here I have had lots of leaflets from the Tories less so from the others – about 1 each until 5 mins ago when I received a second one from the SNP. Well done that man or woman.

    Perhaps this might be of passing interest in the context of election funding.

    From 12th Nov to 19th Nov donations** to the various parties were as follows:
    Tories £2,967,000 ( over £5m previous week)
    Labour £3,488,000 (£3 m from Unite)
    Brexit £2,250,000 (£2m from Chris Harkness)
    LibDems £251,000
    Plaid £70,000
    Greens £37,750
    SNP £10,000

    **Figures are based on donations of £7,500 and above.

    Makes you think.

    All the best to the SNP candidates today especially those who are fighting on a knife edge

  13. Alister Jack’s posters in local farmers’ fields flanking the A75 have been blown down. Hope that’s an omen. We have had a blizzard of election mail from Tories, all about independence, but haven’t seen a single canvasser. Oh, also a ‘supposed’ hand-written letter from Ruth Davidson – mass produced – but can’t tell what was in it since it went straight to bin.

    Going out to vote now.

    • ‘that effin woman’, JGedd.
      When the tough get going, Davidson hides under the duvet.
      A tip to the dying Herald. It”s not a wise move to give Supermom two features on the eve of polling, if you want to hold on to the 12,000 -15,000 who actually buy your paper, in the midst of your Yankee Owners ‘downsizing and rightsizing’ your Blah.
      But that’s ‘capitalism’ according to Jackson Carlaw. Dog eat dog. Macwhirter, who incredibly suggested that he has no control over the headlines which accompany his increasingly vapid offerings, is either a dog who eats dogs, or a dog who is steadily being eaten by sub Ed dogs.
      Nonsense, Iain.

      Carlaw boomed the other night that it was a resigning issue if a politician lied, then boomed that the UK had the fastest growing economy in the EU.
      I await his letter of resignation.
      The UK is the fifth worst economy in the 28.
      I’ll be charitable; this man hasn’t a clue about the ‘big things’ going on in the world.
      On the other hand being politically as thick as two planks is a sacking issue.
      I am about to embark on a 24 hour marathon. Let’s hope for a few ‘Portillo moments’.
      Will it be a big pot of stew, or stovies bubbling on the hob all day to help us through the night?
      All welcome.
      Bring your own drink.
      Popcorn or low fat rice pudding? What the heck; both.
      SNP all the way in this hoose.
      Keep safe and well.
      My love and heartfelt to you all.

      • God stovies, wish I lived nearby. Love stovies
        (I’m looking for a good recipe if there is one going??, smiley face thingy)

        • The ‘recipe’ is roughly a ‘chuck in’ one, Tatu3.
          I have some frying steak left over from Tuesday, quite a bit really.
          I’ll be dicing it up, chucking it in my stew pot, adding chopped Maris Piper tatties (loads of them), chuck in onions (two) chopped and diced and caramalised in butter in my trusty old frying pan(’til brown almost burnt), for about 30 minutes, chopped carrots, turnip, and salt, pepper, a dash of the dregs of a bottle of Chianti, a cup of tap water, and, for my Everlovin’s spicy taste buds, a hint of chilli.
          Let is come to the boil, then simmer for as long as you like, but and hour minimum.
          IT is a rule in our house that nothing gets chucked out,

          There are of course dozens of stovie ‘recipes’, but basically the main ingredient is what leftovers you have in the fridge/ Freezer, plus lots of tatties, onions and root vegetables. Lots of spuds is the secret, and salt and pepper, IMHO.
          Just think of the stovies they could have made with Johnson’s left over carcass if they had plucked him from that fridge.
          It would have fed Sunderland.

          • Sounds amazing. Thank you will give it a try. We try to use all our leftovers up too. What we don’t eat, the dogs get lol

      • GDP is a poor measure to compare one economy with another. Carlaw used the U.K. turnover and population to calculate 5th place. However to compare truthfully you need to pro rata the data as populations vary. If you do this to compare like with like the UK is 25th out of 28 countries in the EU. Another fact distortion.

  14. Thanks for staying sane, rational and exceptional during this campaign Paul. An island of sanity and truth telling was what was required and you filled that need during these fraught times.

    Get out and vote everyone, SNP all the way.

  15. Can I post that I am fed up with the BBC’s reporting of this GE? A baby faced reporter (Scottish) was reporting on the situation in Motherwell where the polling place was closed and relocated elsewhere. He repeatedly referred to the Polling STATION. Can the BBC not even get something as basic as getting the name of the place where votes are cast in Scotland correct? Typical of their slipshod, careless attitude to Scotland and all things Scottish.

  16. Let’s hope GOD is looking down and intervening to save misguided Scots from themselves , just once make them bloody waken up and see whats on the Horizon if Boris becomes King .

  17. Latest GE reports from home.

    Hundreds of students at Cardiff University may not be able to vote owing to mistakes on the electoral registration form discovered.

    This news from BBC Cymru – nothing on its sister broadcaster, BBC Wales …

    • Quite a few screwups appear to have turned up over university votes, and thus far it appears to have been the Uni admins at fault. The polling staff seem to have gone above and beyond in some cases to resolve cockups, but they are tied to rules they cannot broach.

      As to the BBC’s performance throughout this GE, there are some very serious questions to be asked afterward, the Hancock/Leeds fiasco and it’s aftershocks the more damning for the English electorate…

  18. My belief is that we are presently seeing a battle between two opposing ideologies.
    One that sees the purpose of governance to promote commercial profit and the other which values people by encouraging their potential and protecting them from exploitation.
    That is the real choice people are now facing in the UK,either the American model or the European.

  19. Wonderfully summarised…
    Having bought a cheap single malt for a nightcap, I will not be sitting up for this one, it will be clear by morning what the next round of Westminster musical chairs settles on…
    It stands to reason SNP will improve seats, but it also stands to reason that England’s electorate by sheer numeric supremacy will render that a sideshow, so another Westminster Fullerene round irrespective…
    If I waken to a map of yellow from the border north, I might just finish off the malt and go back to bed for a day or so…

    • “Westminster Fullerene” Heroic! Wonderful!
      Our radio will be chirping away all night – that was how we got that Portillo moment. I guess we look for a La Swansong moment as we drift awake and drift asleep. Then a Gethins moment. Then a Smith / Kerr moment. So many possibles.

      • I’m hoping for an Alister Jack moment as he goes back to Courance to think again. However, Gallovidians? What can you do?

        • Wish… Jack is but a snip in Galloway’s history, and the sooner his excuse as SSS is ended the better… He is a placemat, much like every incumbents before… Galloway since George Thompson’s election shocked the status quo of centuries..
          The parade of incompetents since has produced what illustrious leaders ?
          Jak Shit?

          • Um…Richard Arkless was MP before Alister Jack but lost last time round when indy voters stayed at home. During his time in office he was a hard-working MP and unlucky to lose. So he was not one of the incompetents. I voted for his return to Westminster.

            ( Ian Lang, former Tory incumbent and also a former Scottish Secretary, set up GERS as a means to undermine opposition in Scotland. Unionists still love it, it’s like holy scipture to them.)

  20. As per that resource, East Dunbartonshire (Swinson) result is due in at 3:00am. Predicted LD hold at 0%. I’d love to see her getting bombed out more so from from an English perspective, as she’s probably the only Scottish politician that they are aware of. A Westminster leader to boot.

  21. Saw the prediction of 55 SNP seats. Don’t know if it will work out at that level but good enough for me just now. I hope all those great MPs we have have made it back and then some.

    • Sink or swim for Ruthie is it not never mind her party. Hope someone has warned Nessie.

      I know this is not going to be the final result but oh it feels good.

      Tomorrow is another day. Let’s enjoy the moment

      • Since when has Ruth the Mooth ever told the truth? Skinny-dipping? Nae chance! Mind you, Nessie will breath a sigh of relief! 😉

  22. It will be absolutely brilliant Legerwood if we get 55 seats, but I’ll be delighted with 45 or more.

    If the exit polls are correct I can see Corbyn resigning and someone like Keir Starmer taking over, many Tory, Brexit hating English people heading to Scotland and a rise in SNP support from Scottish Labour supporters.

    I’m also pleased to see that it looks as though the concerted effort, from some quarters, of trying to undermine Nicola Sturgeon / the SNP hasn’t quite worked out as planned.

    • Not sure about Keir Stamer. He seemed to speak sense on Brexit policy but time and time again he was almost immediately contradicted by Corbyn and he took it. If he had any gumption he would have resigned. The fact he did not said volumes about him.

      I think Labour has to have a clear out and bring in fresh faces especially if the fresh faces are joined to a backbone.

      Corbyn was no leader and Labour have paid the price. Unfortunately the UK will pay the price for their failure. Scotland has a way out and has to take it this time.

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