It’s been a strange week in the crazy world of British nationalism. It was GERSmas, but for the most part Scotland just went “meh”. The days when we all collectively clutched our pearls because Westminster informed us that Scotland was a fiscal basket case are long gone. When you have a government in Westminster which has lied and deceived its way into office, no one is going to put a great deal of credence in anything that it tells us.
Even BBC Scotland was half hearted about it, and in previous years they’ve descended on the annual release of the GERS figures like a vulture finding the corpse of a deficit in the desert. The point that GERS tells us nothing useful about the finances of an independent Scotland seems to have percolated through to a majority, so all that the figures do these days is to highlight the mismanagement of Scotland by the British state. GERS tells us is that Scotland can’t afford independence if its economy continues to be mismanaged like Westminster is mismanaging it just now. 40% of Scotland’s expenditure and 70% of Scotland’s revenue is controlled by Westminster, and then the British nationalist parties blame Scotland for not having a well run economy.
Of course that didn’t stop the branch office manager of the Labour party in Scotland, Ramsay Lurchhumpher, from trying to channel the good old days when in the imaginations of British nationalists the GERS figures could be guaranteed to strike fear in the black vile hearts of the evil separatists. Unfortunately Rameses Looksunlikelier started off by demanding that the First Minister commit to a couple of policies that she’s already committed to. Romualdo Lambslaughter insisted that the First Minister commit to a “quality jobs guarantee scheme” and then urged her to press Westminster to extend the furlough scheme. She’s already done both those things.
Undaunted, he pressed on, and demanded that the First Minister ask the British Government to give Scotland the money to do those things that she’d already said she wanted to do. Nicola Sturgeon replied by pointing out that if Scotland was an independent country, it wouldn’t need to ask the Johnson administration for funding to keep workers in Scotland in their jobs. Scotland could just do it itself without having to ask anyone for permission. However Raffaelo Lickspittler and his party were insisting that Scotland remain in a position of powerlessness and weakness despite the fact that over 40% of what’s left of their voters now back independence. All that the hapless Rugrat Losevoter had managed to achieve was to point out how the dependency on Westminster which his own party insists Scotland remain in only holds Scotland back and damages the lives and opportunities of its citizens.
No wonder there are rumblings within the branch office that it’s time for a new manager. Speaking to the Herald, an anonymous ‘source’ within the Labour party harrumphed that Rocket Launchdamper was dragging the party down and “putting the union at risk with his ineptitude”. My money for the person who blabbed to the press is on Jackie Baillie, Ian Murray, or one of the others in the fleg waving tendency of the Labour branch office in Scotland. It must be pretty galling for Rickets Landlubber to be attacked by a faction in his party who believe in the suicidal doubling down on a policy that has already caused the party to lose much of its support and which now risks alienating over 40% of the voters it’s got left. And there we were thinking that Labour’s descent into irrelevance couldn’t sink any lower. You live and learn eh.
Speaking of electoral irrelevance. Ed Davey has been announced as the new leader of the Lib Dems following an election amongst party members Although in Scotland that pretty much consists of Wullie Rennie and the vacant space which takes on the shape of Alex Cole-Hamilton. Most of us thought that Ed Davey already was the party leader, which just goes to show how much they’ve dropped off the political radar. The election was called when Jo Swinson lost her seat at the December General Election following a disastrous election campaign which saw the party accused of rank hypocrisy because it wanted to overturn the result of the EU referendum but refused to allow another Scottish independence referendum. So pretty much a normal day for the Lib Dems then. Jo Swinson has announced that when she becomes Prime Minister she’ll revoke Ed’s election.
This week, for once, the weirdest weirdiness of all in the annals of British nationalism didn’t come from the Conservatives. They’ve spent the past week bumbling along at their usual level of base arrogance, incompetence, and chaos. However they’ve been topped in the jaw dropping whattheactual stakes by the sheer outstanding surrealist bigotry of George Galloway’s latest vanity vehicle, the Alliance4Unity. The party’s official Twitter account tweeted, and this is a direct quote: “I have five young children. The SNP will NOT teach them, with bananas and Nutella, about anal-sex and rimming. It’s time ALL decent people of all political persuasions including Nationalists, rose up against this hideous monstrosity of a policy.”
This is the party whose leader was invited to a meeting to discuss saving the precioussss union by Michael Gove. But then Alliance for Unity is an anagram of “I carnify Nutella”. Perhaps they’ve been trying to subliminally tell us something all along.
I never knew that Nicola Sturgeon was pitching up in schools and waving nutella covered bananas all over the place in a bid to destroy the traditional family. Has no one thought about nut allergies? You learn about anal sex with cucumbers and humous. Which also has the advantage of teaching children to eat healthily. Maybe the Alliance4Unity just want children to learn about anal sex the old fashioned way, from religious authority figures, sports instructors, or children’s TV presenters.
Obviously it’s a nonsense. On a serious note, this is a perfect example of how hysteria, misinformation, and sheer outright lies play on underlying and unacknowledged bigotry. It should not need to be said that the SNP is not proposing to teach children how to perform anal sex. In a modern society it is important that children learn that gay people exist and have a right to live in equality and dignity. That’s a very long way from teaching children about anal sex with bananas and nutella.
The message of equality and dignity is perverted by people who like to scream emotive misinformation in a bid to attract attention and garner support. They seek to appeal to ignorance and prejudice in order to push their agenda. When that is you are reduced to, you have already lost the argument. Let’s ditch the bigotry and ditch the UK.
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